Because sometimes absurdity can fascinate.

Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days' Like These...

2011-01-11T17:47:00.001Z

Hey Blogger! How the fuck are you?

You know you're a Beatles obsessive when your Mother mentions 'Karma' one Tuesday morning, and you have John Lennon's Instant Karma stuck in your head for the rest of the day....INSTANT KARMA GONNA' GET YOU, GONNA' KNOCK YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE.

Yoko Ono - Wtf.

Cheers for the iPod, Chloe! For months now, I've been running a musical deficit reduction plan as a musical George Osborne. My nano ran out of memory, so I was forced to make savage, unruly cuts, protecting as many front line services as I could (bands I actually like), even they felt the pinch though, Oasis lost half their catalogue....Those days are now thankfully over! And I've walked away with 80GB and a new found respect for economists and the Treasury sector. I'm a very lonely child.

You may or may not have noticed adverts placed haphazardly around my blog. If you click them, I earn money! So click them, I'll buy you something. I won't, but you know, why not help out a friend, or if you're one of those down as a disciple and don't actually know me, why not be charitable, do something kind for a complete stranger... (ME). Click them. Click them hard.

12-BLOODY-PENCE...YEEAAAHHHH.

JEESSSUS...That was frightening. I, my mind, my laptop, forgot that I had held down on the scroll wheel. Windows flying up and down - it was like wrestling a bull.

KT Tunstall is good, listen to her. ARTISTS I LIKE WHO WEREN'T EVEN ALIVE IN THE 60S? God damn it, yes. So, on an unrelated note, some of you might be aware, some of you may not (grammatical parallelism there - REVISION WIN), I was on national radio the other day. The Iain Lee Show, as I mentioned in my last post, has callers throughout the night of various mentalities, I was dared to phone up as Paul McCartney. It was fucking terrifying. Firstly, I'm not going to link it anywhere, go find the audio file yourself if you can be that fucked. My impression sounds way more un-Macca like over the phone, but still, I did it, got a few laughs and was told to 'call again.' Mental or what?

Ah, I love this. God knows where Louis found it. SO VERY HYPED FOR BERLIN.

Tim William.

P.S: LOOK! DON'T YOU JUST LOVE PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, SHUT UP.

2011-01-02T23:51:00.010Z

Haven't posted for a while!... But blog holidays are over!
ENOUGH SENTIMENTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT.

I got bored of blogging, now I'm back, because I'm jaded, bored, fed up, e-t-c. I started blogging (why doesn't Google Chrome recognise that as a word? Google power blogger) in the autumn of 2008, I'm allowed to make dramatic 'THE END' posts, only to allow myself to become a ridiculous hypocrit. This is not the end! This is but the beginning! No, it's just the middle, in all honesty.

Most of my blog posts are going to come in the form of linked videos or images, more tumblr style - anyone got that? - rather than blogger. Writing words about things I like is more time consuming than just showing you things I like. THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, RIGHT?

Almost everything in my head is telling me that this man cannot sing a note, he sounds like he has a cold and is in need of vats upon barrels of lemsip. So, why am I addicted to this song? I find his lack of tune weirdly hypnotising, that and his weird, creepy, look-at-my-round-glasses-like-my-Dad-used-to-wear face....Maybe I'm just a lunatic. Possibilities.

Am I going to get his album? Tempted, maybe if I see it really cheap somewhere, sorry, Sean, 'really cheap' is all you get at present.

GEORGE HARRISON'S HAIR LOOKS LIKE MINE.

Alright, fine, he's significantly more attractive. That hair is still fucking similar. This probably means I'm George Harrison reincarnate...*picks up guitar - fails to play*...Equally, perhaps not.

Oh, Iain Lee, please return from your Christmas break. I'm having to listen to LBC in the void you have left in the world that is British talk radio. LBC FOR FUCKS SAKE. They don't even read out my texts. Followers to my blog may be unaware that Iain Lee has read my name out TWICE before, one was in an email to the Lost Initiative podcast, another was on air...

'People are actually texting in with Richard Starkey anagrams, Tom Williams has come up with Sidekick Harry and Ashtray Derrick, ha, that's brilliant.' I remember Richard Starkey anagrams and not information which will enable me to pass exams? Well, that's a disappointing realisation.

NEED ALAN PARTRIDGE DVDS.

Fucking hell am I a weird child.

MUCH LOVE

Tim William.

There's still life.

2011-01-01T21:47:00.001Z

P.S. There actually is.

THE END.

2010-07-10T20:02:00.000+01:00

P.S. It really is.

LAST.

2010-05-26T16:34:00.016+01:00

I guess I was always going to be disappointed. Even those who had never seen an episode of Lost seemed to throw about, all too ignorantly, the question of how such a show could end. The writers have always harked on about how it's a show about the characters, I quote (not exactly - can't be bothered to find the page) from my Lost experience book, 'If you want to find out what the island is, what the smoke monster is, why Walt has those crazy powers, then fine, hang about for a while, but really this is and always was a show about the characters.' The mythology, the background they did though create, I found to be far more interesting than any of the characters, plus the rate at which Lost kills off characters is ridiculous, like an RAF pilot during the Battle of Britain, I considered it to be a waste of time to get attached to anyone. And were the characters that deep and interesting, anyway? Ben Linus, I guess, he's up there with the likes of Greg House, Malcolm Tucker and Sam Seaborn as awesome television characters, but really the original bunch never appealed to me... Hurley existed as the voice of the audience, and that became far too obvious as the show wore on, Jack was a horribly stereotypical macho American-twat, and I've never been keen on Matthew Fox's acting, Kate, well the least said about her the better, Sawyer...Sawyer was good, he was the wittiest character and one of the more believable, but hardly deep.

Ultimately though, I wanted a science explanation, I wanted science to win the theme running since the first episode, Science Vs Faith...Faith won, faith won massively. The characters finally found redemption...But I couldn't help but wonder if that was what the show was all about, them building up to redemption. It dawned on me that I wouldn't have even cared if MIB (Flocke, Smokey, whatever you want to call him) got off the island and tore shit up, yet I'm fairly confident they couldn't do that because of Lost's rather limited graphics budget...Or perhaps that's what Cloverfield is all about? Cloverfield is another JJ Abrams project after all....

Why is the BBC news site down? I want my fucking news. Had to go to the doctors earlier, I think it was National Bring Your Baby To A GP Day. God, I hate them, and they're so ugly, and always being bloody sick everywhere... All this with the ridiculous Mum-banter,
'Because you know there are these sort of...you know..errr..heart shaped things which you can put on, avoid the whole flat head thing,'
'Ohhh riiighttt...'

JUST WHAT?

History exam today - ran out of time, as usual.
English exam tomorrow - will run out of time, as usual.
If they don't give me EMA, they should at least give me extra time.

Probably need a job.

Tom,
P.S: Getting pissed off with those Lost fans who claim they're somehow in tune with the writers, 'Oh I thought it was beautiful, forget the unanswered questions, the characters finally found what they were looking for! LOL LOL :D.' - Yeah, fuck you.
P.S.S: Someone needs to electrify Land of Hope and Glory.
P.S.S.S: Couldn't help myself and read the ending to House season 6...Massive let down, I really hope season 7 is the last season, the show has lost its...zing?

Sickened.

2010-05-15T20:04:00.006+01:00

Haven't posted since the election...A result which, I'd like to make clear now, I care very deeply about, so much so, I can't be bothered to voice my opinions on such a matter upon the webernet. Ok, I probably could, if I was in the right mindset, I keep on going from (sometimes on an hourly basis) intense caredom to really not giving a shit, asides from cricket I've found something I really care about, so much so that it's like my caring needs to refuel every now and again... I really hope, if I ever end up genuinely caring about another human being, I operate on a similar basis - it'd be dull to be nice to someone consistently. I am however, going to leave you with this image before I move on:

A petition against her appointment can be found here: http://www.gopetition.co.uk/online/36217.html - Sign it or you're a homophobe.

Oxford, St Andrews, Sheffield, Cambridge, Essex, University College London... The top 6 universities for a Politics degree, don't really stand a chance with the first two, too elitist. Sussex, the one I'm rather interested in, just because it's south, I know the area and it seems nice, is 24th, which isn't so bad... And UEA is 16th. I'm getting all these statistics from here by the way, http://extras.timesonline.co.uk/tol_gug/gooduniversityguide.php, you may want to look up any subjects you're interested in. I'm now virtually 100% committed to Politics or Political Science, I dithered with taking Modern History, but decided I'd be more interested in a politics course, and the civil service seem geared to encouraging people to taking that.

Whilst everybody else seems to be forming pathetic, probably short-lived relationships, I'm reading Hansard. Hansard? Hansard are the company which provides transcripts of every Commons sitting since 1803, I'm actually reading this stuff, not revising, reading about early 19th century legislation...One bit did make me chuckle though, I quote from the 25th August 1841:

Mr. Hastie spoke at some length, but was completely inaudible.
- Debate again adjourned.

Urg...How people in 'love' sicken me. How Lost's desperate attempt to answer stuff sickens me... Magic light? I expected better, ABC, I expected better.
General studies on Monday, is it weird to have found that exam quite fun last time? I got to circle letters and then rant about bins - awesome.

I recently had a lecture (from a dick-cock) about how I appear cold and hostile to people...Well, good. GOOD. This post is starting to fall apart, news? Any news? LET ME LIST NEWS.

1. I might be going to London with Ollie soon, or maybe Chernobyl (not massive about that one), hope I get to snoop about Whitehall.
2. I talk to my cat more, definitely doesn't make me mental.
3. The VMF is starting to fall apart.
4. The Thick of It boxset arrived - Happy.

Tom,

P.S: Oh, and little revision completed. Symbolic Graphology - symbols (obviously), Iconic Graphology - images and shit...*runs over to check he's right*....Yeah, I'll do fine.

Don't ConDem us, Nick.

2010-05-08T19:35:00.003+01:00

MY ELECTION NIGHT VIDEO IN ALL ITS GLORY:

Tom,

P.S: Two nights without any proper sleep - so very tired.
P.S.S: All hail Dimbebly! 16+ hours of live TV for a 71 year old.

Time to change the change.

2010-04-18T18:16:00.014+01:00

It appears I have not written in this for a while (in this? On this? For this?), which is odd, I fear I may have neglected it by means of a poor memory towards thing which don't actually matter that much.

This week I have undergone a massive shift of priorities, not through a conscious choice, perhaps a few influences may share some blame, but more I have undergone a spontaneous change in direction. Not that I have changed, I am still the same Tom, just with slightly different priorities. Like watching The West Wing instead of House MD.

It has also been a fairly busy week - I've done volunteering. I've actually done some volunteering, I worked and wasn't paid. Firstly, how I am completely fine about that is a bit strange...And it wasn't exactly helping people through a crisis (though I think a court order prevents me from doing that), or looking after dying OAPs or say digging a well in a deprived area of Glasgow-south. No, I was delivering leaflets to various residential hubs in Cirencester on behalf of the Liberal Democrat campaign team. Monday, I attended a Lib Dem conference, met our candidate etc... And yesterday I had a coffee with the campaign manager for this area, discussed various issues, politics etc, etc... IT'S FUN. It actually makes me feel happy, I get a genuine kick out of political activism, even putting up a poster made me giggle a bit.
With vague happiness comes intense hatred though...Especially for the feckless, ignorant, stuck up Tory-twat supporters. The mindless idiots who are instantly sold on the whole FOX HUNTING BACK policy without actually knowing diddly-squat about anything else in their manifesto, or those who jump on the 'My parents vote Tory, thus I shall' fuckwagon. I don't know how many Conservative supporters have actually studied fiscal policy, I've done a fair amount of reading into it, and a Panorama documentary aired a month or so ago clearly indicated the massive holes in the Tory economic recovery plans. We'd be more safe under fucking Darling for God's sake. Now really is not the time for Eton Dick George Osborne to have five years work experience.
I may be able to meet Nick Clegg in the coming weeks, which is cool...Personally I think he's a bit weak, lesser of the three evils, but still he gets horribly flustered whenever anyone turns against him. That being said, even I cannot deny he did the best in the debate, really pissed me off how Cameron harked on about the need for the UK to increase its nuclear weapons arsenal! LIKE THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. We already have quite a few nukes, we also have NATO, and billions, countless billions could be saved from reducing the size of Trident.
The below makes me smile:

I like the BBC's election site, especially parts of it which read as: 'The Liberal Democrat leader is said by one Sunday newspaper to be "more popular than Churchill'. But really, some of it... 'See how latest polls could translate into seats in parliament with the interactive seat calculator.Or start swinging with the Jeremy Vine swingometer.' Start swinging with the Jeremy Vine swingometer - No thank you.

Had another bizzare dream the other night, same sort of thing as my interrupted sex dream, I'm not going to write about that. Was sitting in a car, behind the wheel, and then instantly started panicking, things like 'What? Why am I driving? I don't know how to drive! Wheel, hold onto this, and there's pedals...And things...And why am I driving?' Started circulating my mind, then I looked to my left and the most physically attractive woman my brain could possible ever hope to conceive formed, which then led to thoughts of 'Who is she? Why is she in my car? I can't drive! Why is she so beautiful?' Anyway, something told me not to ask her what she was doing/who she was/police interrogation style shit, just to let her talk...Which is what I did. And she did talk - talk about the most pointless of things, for what seemed a long time, stuff like why she didn't like Bristol, why oranges are better than apples (no they're not). Then it got cool. My phone rang, I answered it (as you do), and it was my voice...I don't remember exact phrases, just the general jist, went something like:
'Hi Tom,'
'Hi?'
'We don't know her, do we?'
'I've never seen her before, no...'
'I don't know her, you don't,'
'Who are you?'
'You,'
'Yeah...Ok...Do you know where I'm driving to?'
'Nope.'

Something else might have happened, but that's all I remember. My most favourable theory is that I was talking to my sub-conscious, which'd be insanely cool. However, basic research into dreams I did this morning suggests that's pretty much impossible. Ah well, at least it's my birthday tomorrow.

Tom,

P.S: Going to read some more Alastair Campbell Diaries - screens are hurting my eyes.
P.S.S: Words will probably hurt them more.
P.S.S.S: I SHALL DANCE.
P.S.S.S.S: VOLCANIC ASH!!!!!
P.S.S.S.S.S: Some Facebook pages are funny: 'i actually hate you im not even joking, i have pure hatrid towards you'.

Just what the hell IS THIS?

2010-04-04T23:03:00.006+01:00

It's a video I spent many painful hours creating. Deepest apologies for the short few seconds of black at the end, I tried asking Movie Fucker to fix it, but it didn't listen. If anybody is desperate to see one of the earlier styles continued...I probably have enough free time to do that. Remember to watch in 480p!

Tom,

P.S: I never asked to be on YouTube. No, you didn't, lodge an official complaint against the video then.
P.S.S: Don't do the above, or I will smite you like Gandalf did the Balrog, or David did to Goliath.
P.S.S.S: Am I the only one who hates the new YouTube layout? They've taken away the five star rating for God's sake! How can anyone not be pissed at this?

Life will never be the same again.

2010-03-29T17:33:00.011+01:00

Some of you may have noticed the Google transcribe audio feature on Youtube. I mentioned it a few posts ago, basically on some Youtube videos you'll see a little CC button on the video you're playing, if you click that, select English Transcibre Audio or something similar sounding, a transcript of the video you're playing should magically appear. I presume this is to aid deaf people and those without speakers, now everyone can enjoy YouTube! Well...Not quite, as I discovered when I tried to get a transcript for a highly amusing scene in In The Loop. This was the sorry result:

(That in bold is what Youtube and Google believe to be what is being said)/

Yeah, Tobes - The Times
I don't want to have to read you the riot act here, but I am going to have to read some sections from the riot act - Fidelity the laws had stayed behind and congratulate you think that struck from the right time
Like section one, paragraph one, don't leave your boss twisting in the wind - section one have lost one the need to bolster twisting in the wind
And then burst in late smelling like a pissed seaside donkey - and blow stimulates smelling like case seesawed some cases
Yeah, alright, I was late but it's not like I threw up in there is it? - the priest the sheik on these little marks on his late coming to some kind of salary
No, you're right, I'm being unfair - And that it's not night, I'm going on fat
I should be thanking you for not throwing up - I should be franken from not throwing out
Well done, you're a star, and you didn't wet yourself did you? You're in the right city! - your skull needed what itself to take in Iraq is succeeding wouldn't say anything the the
And you didn't get your dick out, and start plucking it yelling willy banjo! - latest the gene pull cue to stop talking and shouting we need the whole show
No I'm being really unfair, you got so much right, without actually being there for one of the most important moments of my career - Including William Fact, what's right, without actual saying that the beginning of one of the most important moments of North Korea

I think the last one is the best.

Gah! Just finished watching the first of the election debate shows, Ask The Chancellors. Vince was awesome, he got the most applauses and after taking a quick browse through the after-show polls and tweets, is scoring the best from the public, good! He's a thorough economist and actually quite a funny guy, who can forget the infamous 'In a week the Prime Minister has gone from Stalin to Mr. Bean,' quirps? One of the best lines in PMQ's ever. Alastair was surprisingly ok, not overly convincing, but loved his quip to Weasel-twat, 'Nothing like cross-party cooperation George!' The one thing which I have gained after watching that show is a sour, bitter hatred for George Osborne, the Eton educated (much like the majority of the Shadow Cabinet) shallow and pathetic MP that he is...I've very rarely hated a politician to this extent, but the amount of complete tosh that came flying from his ugly face. Vince Cable actually laid down some figures, got to the bloody point, George was all 'Labour sucks, I hate them, they steal my ideas...' And his comment at the end, 'And in no disrespect to the Liberal Democrats, but there are only two parties who will win the up coming election, either Labour or the Tories.' WHAT????!?!?! JUST WHAT??? WHY DOES THAT MAN THINK THERE ARE THREE OF THEM STANDING THERE THEN? *Begins to shake with rage*.

Oh how I long for a job in the civil service, would love to be an official party speech writer, such an insanely cool position. Am very against being an MP, just because I couldn't stand being constantly nice to my moaning constituents, 'My garden wall is falling down! What are you going to do about it?'
'Nothing, fuck off out my office.' No, me being an MP is never going to work, I don't have the patience, dedication to party and country or the drive.

Talking of jobs - I have an interview on Wednesday. All of this pushed through by my Mother, *growls*. Finally ordered earlier the In The Loop DVD, chose the Super-Royal Mail- Really Quick - But not that quick - But quicker than standard - And will cost you a bit more option. Not sure why...Simply because I want it by tomorrow to try and elevate me from a sinking mood? Not that I feel my mood is sinking like the Titanic or even worse the Lusitania, in the sense that it's all 'Oh crap an emotional iceberg/Torpedo, quick try and avoid it....Shit. How long have we got? Couple of hours I guess, can we get everyone out? Nah...Not a chance, so we're fucked? Yeah, badly.' No, my sinking is more, 'Oh I see, I've stepped in some sinking sand...Gradually pulling me down to an oxygen deprived death, this is a bit annoying, and I can't seem to get out...Help?' Some DEEP metaphors here. I also have a really evil plan in the works, the likes of which if it were to be leaked would be the most challenging PR war I can imagine, not that that is an incentive to initiate it.

Feeling crap and hungry...RICE PUDDING SOLVES BOTH THESE ISSUES! Hooray!

The BEST trailer the BBC have ever produced. But why a Thursday now? HIGNFY too bad for a Friday? Well?

I don't care if the below offends any religious loyal disciples of mine (lol at the irony). Open your minds, people!

Tom,

P.S: The Pig of Happiness just takes the piss now.
P.S.S: I say 'The BEST trailer...' Didn't like the bit where they showed Alastair Campbell having a panic attack on air, that's a little insensitive. BORIS IS AWESOME.

200.

2010-03-21T16:47:00.008Z

I did have this awe inspiring idea for my 200th entry. To write a topical and current post which actually makes sense but made up entirely of sentences from my last 199 posts. I wrote a paragraph like this, but it really didn't make a great deal of sense and failed (being an understatement) at explaining what I had done today. I can't even recall what if I did anything for my 100th post...One moment please...Oh I see, I quote from my 150th post: 'I'm the first to reach 150 posts. I rather forgot about the 100th, but hey, let's make a big deal out of the 150.' Well, in that case, I'll do something out of the ordinary for 250.

Firstly, let me draw your attention to the below, another beautifully crafted video by NCISmelanie, who must, MUST be professional...

It's like the ultimate trailer for the show. Actually made me feel quite emotional after first viewing. I hate emotions. Sorry Darwin, I have to disagree with you on a few areas of the whole Natural Selection thing, you claim (why the hell am I addressing, almost in the fashion of a court of law, a dead guy?) that every feature of every species, every arm, every toe, every habit exists for an evolutionary purpose...I can see this on a few areas, humans need arms to do stuff, climb trees, build things, we need toes for...support, perhaps? Habits, the human habit of clothing, makes sense given our species lack of fur, cats cleaning themselves given their lack of taking a shower and applying shower gel - This I accept and understand. But emotions? What do we need emotions for? Well, maybe a few are useful I guess, fear is probably handy every now and again, observe the following:

Three caveman in their cave debating the origins of democracy, their afternoon art session is rudely interrupted by the snarl of a Saber Tooth Tiger, the first caveman (Robert Peel) is scared and runs away, in consequence he survives. The second caveman (William Hague) decides to fight the Tiger, a good move, and he would have survived if he had done his Nintendo DS Stabby The Tiger's Eye Out Daily Training. The third caveman is not angry at the Tiger, unlike William Hague, and doesn't fear it, unlike Peel, indeed our third caveman (John Prescott) has no emotion. He stands blankly, confused at what the other lot are doing, and invites the Tiger to the art session, the Tiger devours him.

I see how emotion helps there. Fear, anger and love (though the last two could be toned down a notch) seem useful for the human race. Things like revenge, remorse, guilt, empathy, are these really needed? I guess they make things a bit more interesting, that's the only counter-argument I can see being thrown at me. I guess it's a fair one, interesting is cool.

Someone replied to a comment I made on a Youtube video with the word 'Die.' That's rude, at least my comment was constructive. I can't copy and paste it because it received so many thumbs down, something I've never been a fan of, what gives us the right to, in the style of Roman Emperors, judge other people's opinions? That was weird, I looked at a url and started laughing at all the jumbled letters and numbers. I'm finally losing it - awesome.

Going to send an email to Alastair Campbell later, asking about how best to enter the civil service, stuff I can do to aid in the process etc...I started reading his fanbrilliant book, The Blair Years - Extracts from the Alastair Campbell diaries. Found it very difficult to put down, at half two in the morning I accepted the fact that this was fast becoming my favourite book, a bit sad having a work of non-fiction as your favourite book, but I find I hardly read any fiction these days...Instead I prefer to find my escape in TV, things like House, Lost, The Thick of It, in fact non-fictional TV, apart from a few panel shows, I find pretty dull, though I did watch a fairly interesting documentary about the Home Office this morning, there wasn't really anything else on...And I'm not sure why I was awake at 8 o'clock anyway, not that I'm complaining, I did most of my work before midday which was a plus.

ENOUGH NONSENSE.

Tom,
P.S: I have gained a new loyal disciple, 15 now, no idea who you are, thank you anyway. JESUS SUCKS.
P.S.S: Pretending to care gets boring. A fact of life we should all learn to embrace.
P.S.S.S: Added some new blog features. It was about time.
P.S.S.S.S: Don't think my video quite fits the page, grr! I reccomend House fans to follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtA4gcDasR8

Migraine.

2010-03-15T18:27:00.005Z

What do we know of the heart of a man who is yet living? It is only in death that we are truly ourselves, a prince can crumble in the face of cowardice, whereas a villain can show himself a lifelong true man - Typed that from memory. Those being the words of the great William Shakespeare, who I have to briefly portray, of course they are not actually the words of Shakespeare, they're the words of someone pretending to be Shakespeare, and thus fail. Nobody can imitate Shakespeare, don't even try. Actually, I have to sit there and read Shakespeare for a while, got a bit carried away and forgot about the whole acting thing, Henry VI is a really good play, and Romeo and Juliet has some beautiful lines...
To soar with his light feathers, and so bound,
I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe:
Under love's heavy burden do I sink.

Wow.

I don't even know what England's score is at the moment, I've heard from inconsistent sources that we're winning...? I watched some IPL yesterday, all the matches streamed live on Youtube, which is one hell of an awesome move by the ICC. I remember Andrew Symonds tore apart everything which was hurtled towards him, but fail to recall who actually won the match. Damn. Hope it was the Deccan Chargers.

Going to sleep.

Tom,
P.S: WHY IS THAT PIG SO HAPPY?
P.S.S: Next post is my 200th, how very exciting.
P.S.S.S: I am trying to imagine all the people, John. There's just so damn many.

Clubbed to Death.

2010-03-08T21:27:00.024Z

The title is inspired from the song I've been listening to for about half an hour, not some agitated threat or personal recollection. I like how the song sounds like a printer at various points. Printer music, pretty sure somebody has already done that...

Yep, the bloody Czechs have. I didn't make it to the end of that video either. I don't like how blogger only advertises specialist blogs on the Blogger Buzz feature, that's supposed to highlight the best of the blogs within the whole blogger spectrum, does it really though? It just seems to be filled with such uninteresting crap like...

A. THE HOUSE IN MARRAKESH - http://thehouseinmarrakesh.blogspot.com/ - A blog about a man in Morrocco, his awful camera and a lot of terracotta pots. 1212 followers though, so I'm obviously missing something.

B. Madame Lamb - http://www.madamelamb.com/ - This actually made me feel sick, some talentless reject reviewing 'art'. 1017 followers.

C. Abby's Blog - http://soloround.blogspot.com/ - A blog which should be renamed to 'Me (Abby) and my sailing boat.'

D. A Hungry Bear Won't Dance - http://www.ahungrybearwontdance.com/ - Unfortunately, this wasn't a blog about Bear torment. It was about cooking, the cooking of really ugly looking meals.
'When I opened the bag of earthy mushrooms I detected a faint cinnamon fragrance, which gave me an idea. I’d make chicken soup with cinnamon.'
That timeless anecdote attracted 14 comments, from 958 followers. Oh, and she looks like a damned psychopath:http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_jj3noXxvb0U/Snrm9VgBNTI/AAAAAAAAAHw/LBVB99chLK0/S220-h/BanuFlorida2.jpg

Am I the only one who finds blogs about people's personal lives interesting? I had a browse around, simply by following one followers link, then another... etcetera, etcetera, but found you generally get three types of blog (ignoring the irritating ones mentioned earlier), ones like this which deal with a mixture of personal and topical to the person issues, idiotic but amusing ones full of such things as...
'Plain and simple ..she's a bitch . She uses ue when she has no one else . She already has no friends ! Why is tht ?!' http://mstayls.blogspot.com/.
Orrrrr... you get the insecure types, these I find more interesting, per esempio...
'can't believe I'm in love. I honestly never thought I would ever be in actual love with a guy who actually loves me back.' Actual love? Actually loving back? Actually sounds actual. http://limitedcountdown.blogspot.com/.

I've done my bit for Karma by doing a fuck-load of other people's blogs some advertising. That does count to Karma right? Even if I'm criticising some of them, I'm still essentially selling them. Sticking on this World of the Internet theme, I've got so many fucking favourited videos on Youtube, that it takes me an unacceptable amount of time to find one, when my semi-functioning sub-conscience recalls a video to my conscience. The day Youtube creates self naming favouriting categories, I will be marginally content with that site. Arsenal have scored (again), I can hear shrieking. Oh, how I do not belong.

And on Horizon right now, a pretty deep sounding documentary, 'Is everything we know about the universe wrong?' Wow, that's credit for the licence fee right there. Wahey, a media tangent! I can now briefly talk about my NEW third favourite film (sorry Independence Day), In The Loop. Being an avid The Thick of It fan, I was naturally liking this film from before I even started watching it...Genius writing, superb acting, and no other form of media has ever persuaded me more into a career, political spin. Chief Whip, Director of Communications, Press Officer, Senior Press Officer, Press Secretary, Adviser...All I will gladly adopt.

Drama wasn't so bad today. That wasn't even a typo. I was expecting some catastrophe of a day today, no...A catastrofuck. Actuuuaaallllyyyy, I bloody profited! Thomas Williams is now public enemy number 2! After Sam's pretty damn awesome argument with the group (but me who watched oh so amused), near fight with Crazy Dave and walking out, everybody concluded he was the 'Wanker' amongst us and that I, Tom, were in fact 'Trying really hard lately.' All I've done is looked at my script, I seem to be able to muster a photographic memory for the most useless of tasks, all my lines are near enough stored. Still getting messages from the anti-Christ legion on Facebook though,
'I have paint and brushes :D Shall bring it all in tomorrow so bring some painting clothes.' What? We're painting now, fuck the what for? Have we taken up my idea to camouflage Dave into the set?

I was described as 'more angry than usual' yesterday. That wasn't even angry, that was mildly peeved, idiots. Why are the Corrs such an attractive family? Apart from Jim, who looks like some Bono wannabe, pah...Natural selection gone nuts. I'm developing the ability to listen to a song and not instantly start questioning its lyrics, just to enjoy it (THANK YOU BOOTLEG BEATLES), I might even play my 'Sickly Romantic playlist.' No, no, no need to go mental.

Tom,
P.S: WHAT A LONG POST.
P.S.S: Ollie, feel free to call:
Wednesday, from 1-3.
Thursday, 11:30 - 2
Friday, 1-2.
Your dedication to annoying my group IS appreciated.
P.S.S.S: THE HOUSE THEME TUNE JUST WENT RIGHT THROUGH MY BRAIN.

The aftermath of the best day of 2010 thus far.

2010-03-06T22:55:00.002Z

Tom,
P.S: Bryony actually made the hashed song on the previous post. I implore you to send it to me so I can upload it.
P.S.S: My homework diary harbours too many scribbled messages telling me to work, I refuse to even look.
P.S.S.S: Drama rehearsals after school every day next week, ahhahahahahhahafhsgfsdhfsdhfsdfgsdhugfsd...Laughter which turned into violent stabbing of script.

Here, There and Everywhere.

2010-03-04T20:56:00.006Z

Fuck. Hate to use a cliché (or any word which requires an accent for that matter), but it seems like only yesterday (when love was such an easy game to play) when I gave thirty sterling to Bes, to which he presumably went and purchased, as well as for himself, a Bootleg Beatles ticket. It's tomorrow, I'm seeing my favourite band live, and don't bother commenting some rubbish about them splitting up in the 70s, I don't buy it. A select body at the UN, who manage Western media, realised in 1970 that The Beatles were so incredible, so outstandingly popular, that to keep the market alive and healthy, they had to be eliminated. Once this argument was proposed to the four of them, all but Ringo who got a bit mad, accepted it, that's the sort of nice guys they are! Then the UN had the nerve to fear a reunion and hire some Christian psycho to murder John Lennon...Christians, always murdering innocent people, *shakes fist*. Anyway, long story short, Paul and Ringo, who somehow had obtained extracts of John and George's DNA, made clones, and started The Bootleg Beatles, almost identical to The Beatles, but very slightly different, enough to fool those UN pricks.

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

I saw a film today
The English Army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
but I just had to look
Having read the book
I'd love to turn you on

You didn't run, you didn't lie
You knew I wanted just to hold you
Had you gone, you knew in time, we'd meet again
For I had told you

You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead
You think she needs you

If I needed someone to love
You're the one that I'd be thinking of
If I needed someone

IT'S SOME CRAZY BEATLES REMIX. If anyone's interested, in order of occurrence, the above song I have crafted in about thirty seconds, Let It Be, A Day In The Life, Got To Get You Into My Life, For No One and If I Needed Someone. I think I am actually going to make this on Audacity now...IF...IF...I could motivate myself to do so. Recently, past few days anyway, I have had an issues with motivation. Yesterday (when love was such an easy game to play) par exemple I ended up going to bed at about 7:30, just because I didn't seem to have the energy to work, write my book, even to watch House. I just wanted to sleep. Stupid brain couldn't even manage that, just decided to torture me by refusing to fade from consciousness. How I sometimes want to be my cat, just for a day, he doesn't have to worry about anything, sleeps around, eats some food, aaannnnddddd back to former. Of course, I'm being very naive, I have no idea quite what Hodge gets up to half the time. I dread to think.

Evidently though, I have enough motivation to write this nonsense across the Internet. Irritatingly, though occasionally I haven't had the energy to feel irritated, I've been accused of being more sour than usual, something I feel is unjust. Why does everyone suddenly have an issue with rudeness? Pah.

MY GOD! Do I love, LOVE, with all my tiny heart, The Thick Of It. Definitely as good as Peep Show, certainly the best political sitcom I've ever come across. Adore it on a more personal level seeing as I really want to go into the Civil Service for a while, as well as writing STUFF in my spare time of course, working in political spin, or press management, being paid to manipulate people...A dream.

Tom,
P.S: How can anyone find those clips not hilarious?
P.S.S: What the fuck is up with Transcribe Audio? That's actually supposed to aid deaf people? Cripes.
P.S.S.S: Every C of E school should have a copy of The God Delusion.
P.S.S.S.S: I'm going on a train tomorrow. A TRAIN. So going to film this.

Birmingham.

2010-03-02T19:08:00.003Z

Tom,
P.S: Don't change to the updated Blogger editor, it's ridiculous.

Too much excitement can kill.

2010-02-17T19:49:00.010Z

Firstly, just relax. I know I haven't posted for a very long time. I haven't died, simply haven't had much to write about of late. Now I most certainly do, tried to make myself a bath (and when I say 'make myself a bath', I'm not talking literally, that'd be absurd), and I'm not even talking metaphorically either...Jesus, what am I talking in? English? Pragmatics? God forbid pragmatics. Damn that tangent which forced me to end my sentence. Tried to make myself a bath, noticed after about five minutes there was no hot water, it was as cold as a cold thing but colder (scenes of Siberia are brought to the fold), apparently I have to turn hot water on at the boiler, which was a new and daring experience for me it must be said. I'm now sat in my boxers, having to wait half an hour for the boiler to ask Thames Water to give it the hot stuff, a perfect time for blog writing!

So what has been happening the past couple of weeks? Read more God Delusion, ha! There is blatantly no God. Iain Lee said my name twice and read my email on The Lost Initiative (SCREAMS IN A WORRYINGLY FEMININE FASHION), watched over the Government suggested guidelines on House MD intake, now fearing withdrawal symptoms as I realise I have never been so more up to date with that show. I have become a dangerous alcoholic void of any alcohol (something of a disturbing paradox), and discovered COD Modern Warfare 2....

And it is on that last point concerning what has happened in my life over the course of the last two weeks, that I will write a brief review. I do not like anything popular. There is something irrationally hard-wired into me which forces my largely semi-conscious mind to resist popularity, it took me far too long to be swayed to the 360 (see a post I made sometime before Christmas), I haven't yet seen Avatar and don't want to until everybody has just calmed the hell down about it, seriously, calling it the next Star Wars?! I do not want to have to watch a film which makes me look like Buddy Holly. If this was the 60s/70s I would detest The Beatles to unimaginable extents, now they're my lifelong favourite band, hell I'm not even going to have sex until the human race has just calmed down about that... Really, so much fuss over a pretty ugly mess which has been practised for what seems like an eternity. Reminds me of Christianity (which, coincidently, is another thing I'll embrace when we're all atheists). However, don't get me wrong, anyone who knows me won't claim I'm some sort of law defying lunatic, my resistance or rebellion if you like, is largely against cultural things...And anyway, most people despise the law. Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 is unquestioningly a popular game, it's sold something close to 12 million copies worldwide, and yet I read somewhere that Activision still won't make a profit. Bizzare. What are they spending their money on? Some sort of DJ version of the award winning Guitar Hero series? How ridiculous would that be?
I would also like to make it clear, I don't own this game, I am borrowing it, my commitment to returning it is somewhat vague, but I haven't actually gone and spent my precious sterling on a copy. Enough excuses. I cannot deny it is amazing. The graphics are just stupendous for a FPS game, the annoying Americans chattering away to you constantly are just so annoyingly annoying, I love it. Of course, it has flaws, I'm a bit miffed about the whole 'Friendly fire will not be tolerated' thing they've got going, and the level where you machine gun a Russian airport and all the innocent people just seems a touch pointless. I do though, understand what all the shouting is about, it is a good game, one I am ashamed to admit I am enthralled by.

Now to return to what's been happening the last two weeks and to find a suitable tangent, I discovered my brother is a 'Needs to be institutionalised psychopath', and that despite the fact there is nobody on this Earth I trust to a 100% degree extent, I have discovered many who are attributed to a percent near enough that mark, are largely over ranked, I am now a tiny bit more determined to get a job, am starting to doubt my ability to finish writing a novel without getting horribly distracted by a pigeon midway through a much sought after writing spree, and FINE-ALLY my loyal disciples...I'm as miserable as ever.

Tom,

P.S: Next post I intend to be an interesting-for-only-me post entitled: 'My top 10 favourite House episodes.'
P.S.S: Happy people need to be deported to a sad place.
P.S.S.S: 14 LOYAL DISCIPLES - HA JESUS!
P.S.S.S.S: No tangent was found. TIME TO CLEANSE ONESELF.

I should be much more excited about this...

2010-02-05T19:56:00.009Z

Well, isn't it nice to see how the characters seem to have progressed? I am excited...Slightly, I really don't get it, look at my posts a year ago, and note how mental about season 5 I appear to be, this is the FINAL EVER SEASON and I wouldn't really be that devastated if I missed it. I fear my House MD obsession has put shame to Lost. Of course I am going to watch it, I've trawled through 5 seasons just to find out what the fuck is that smoke monster, and I will learn the truth...Or I swear to the Island that I will burn ABC headquarters to the ground.
Seriously though, and I know I'm purely going from the trailer, but how many times has Sawyer said in that musky, oh so manly voice of his 'Don't come after me...' Probably to someone like Kate, or Julliet, but I'm pretty sure a nuke got her. How many times has Jack demanded to know 'Why my name is written down on this!!?!' donning that frenzied 'I AM SO GOING TO KICK OFF' expression. How many times has Locke said something simmilar to 'What if I told you I could answer the most important question in your life? Why are you on this island?' Or announced so Moses like that 'I promise I will tell you everything,' then again, Locke's dead, that's Jacob's nemesis in Locke's body...Talking to Richard Alpert...And if Crazy Rich doesn't know the answers, then Hurley help us. How many time has Kate exclaimed in that accusatory tone, 'You think they care about you or any of us?' To which Jin replies (how the fuck did he learn English so quick?) in that timeless rhetoric 'Who do you care about?' And finally how many times has Jack hit important stuff which explodes? That is the temple at 0:26 right? Tell me that's the temple? And how many Sayid 'because you tortured someone, we've got to torture you back bitch!' scenes can the writers produce?

Evidently, a lot still needs to be answered, which is why I am watching this, for answers, I look to be entertained no more.

Tom,

P.S: Isn't Africa huge???
P.S.S: That better not be Jacob at 0:48, Ben knifed him and kicked him in a fire! That was Ben's moment of redemption, his one action of true defiance, don't you dare resurrect yourself Jacob...
P.S.S.S: Poor John Locke still hasn't got that breast problem sorted out.

Difficult times.

2010-01-29T17:03:00.003Z

Tom.

Love really is BLIND. You're all ignorant.

2010-01-18T19:26:00.015Z

It's likely that my title has offended you. My least sincere apologies. I have the rather disturbing image of a mob of love fuelled, adolescent Emos surrounding my fortress, chanting such whimsical things like: 'Love is the purest form of emotion!' Or 'Just because you're not in love!' As if that's a counter argument. I like making Google Chrome tabs fight each other for space. See what I did there? Defied all grammatical laws, just went off on a completely unrelated point, no new paragraph, nothing! I'm so rebellious it's insane. Now back to the dominant theme of this first paragraph, can't really call it an introduction, I've just dived (if you'll excuse the much overused metaphor) straight in. Alas, I fear another tangent. Love, yes, I don't get the hype surrounding that word, as if it's some portal to redemption, to enlightenment, to fulfilment...I'm sure for some it is, they're only ignorant though. However, nothing is as naive as the opening lyrics of the song below... It's to clips of The Beatles, I don't really get it either.

'I love love, I love being in love, I don't care what it does to me' - How deluded can you get? What has this 'songwriter' been smoking? 'I don't care what it does to me'? Well, fucking-lucky-you, people have died over this emotion, just like how countless millions die over the so badly ridiculed 'hate'.

Before you all label me as a sour, uncaring, selfish bastard (though, why haven't you already done that? Silly you), I'll explain. People in love are obsessive, to varying degrees of course, the likes of which I could write several posts on, they become wrapped up in the object of their affection (occasionally literally). What, of course, people don't realise is that it isn't a case of:
1. They make me giggle, I love them.
2. They look pretty, I love them.
It's more:
1. They look pretty, make me laugh, and have numerous other nice traits, but ultimately, despite the fact most of us are blind to it, it's just a biological thing hard-wired into us, to mate. To survive. To preserve our species.

We attach words like 'love' to this Darwinian explanation, to make us seem more human, more evolved, that we're experiencing something above what the average animal feels. False. Society simply teaches us these nice adjectives, to flirt with, attach without thought. We see someone good looking, we want to be with them, we see an ugly person, we don't, the beautiful survive.

I do not want to become attached to someone. Firstly, it would destroy my theory explained in the above paragraphs, I would 'fall in love', suddenly Matilda would be all that matters, I would doodle her name over the back of my books, blush awkwardly whenever she smiled at me, I would forget that I need to be with her so THE HUMAN RACE COULD LIVE ON. I would just want to be with her for reasons I don't yet understand, I don't want to understand, and I hope I never will.

Tom - Who should be learning about the Parisians of 1788-94.

P.S: House MD is better than Lost.
P.S.S: I will undoubtedly withdraw the above statement when Lost returns.
P.S.S.S: FEAR THE BLUE TACK MAN.
P.S.S.S.S: Inspired by David Mitchell, I'm fed up reading nasty, hateful comments on videos, blogs, forums, anything, from now on, if you have something spiteful to say, just type this instead: It just goes to show you can't be too careful!

Boredom is a burden, a curse, an excuse to plague the Internet with things like the below.

2010-01-13T21:41:00.006Z

Tom,
P.S: As a general rule, to anyone who may be unfortunate enough to read this, if you can't cope with numerous conversations on MSN. Block contacts.
P.S.S: Xs are overrated.
P.S.S.S: I downloaded Google Chrome, which is wonderful by the way, even though Google are blatantly taking over the world, Chrome is so shiny and beautiful, it's almost Mac like. I forgot to make it my default browser though, someone sends me a link, it opens in Firefox...Firefox was not best pleased with me, decided to open up a series of blank tabs for no reason, freeze up and yell at me: 'Oops, we've encountered a problem.' Get over it Firefox, I've moved on, why can't you?
P.S.S.S.S: See how many P.Ss I'm using? Written posts are the way forward.
P.S.S.S.S.S: Bored? Play the fun games below.

How does Tom Williams celebrate the new year?

2009-12-31T21:15:00.002Z

Tom,
P.S: The cat DID return, with girls!.....No, he didn't.

Review of 2009. Review of the decade.

2009-12-31T17:17:00.009Z

Yeah, I had a good Christmas, thanks for asking. Moving on...Been far too long since I made a post, it pains me to imagine the suffering, you, my loyal disciples, checking on a daily basis, 'Has the chosen one posted?..No he hasn't,', well this is my post of the decade. This is going to be fucking a mammoth entry.

Jesus...Unfortunately, I don't really know how to write this. Have a badger at my shortest ever video blog, a montage of ramblings...

Ok, this is how I'll do this, through lists. As a man, or more as Tom, I love lists, I love listing things, from kill lists, to favourite foods, to favourite bands, lists provide structure, they're easy to read, they prioritise, they bring order and clarity in a sea of possibilities. I've grown up in the decade unfortunately named 'The noughties', sure my real childhood was spent in the '90s' making me the last of the 20th century crew, but my real, vivid, significant memories stem from the year 2000 to the present day. Here it is then, the first of the lists...

Things which have changed from my period of existence in the 90s to the 'Noughties':

1. Physically, quite a bit actually. I used to be blond, I used to be shorter (or the world around me has shrunk), unmentionable parts of my body have changed beyond recognition, my brain has presumably grown, I didn't have any facial hair, and my teeth fell out regularly, sometimes on their own accord, sometimes not.
2. I was largely happy then, the world was a hell of a lot smaller, and more pointless. I remember being aware of other countries, I remember knowing what France was, knowing that they spoke French and I took great delight in being able to say 'Bonjour' not quite sure of the translation...Video evidence, taken from my family's camcorder proves that I am aware of Australia, however I seem to speak of it as if it were some mystical land, I quote, 'Because Australia is the furtherst away place in the world.' Lets pick apart that statement. I claim Australia is further from anything else in the world, something...Which defies all logic, I am blatantly unaware of context, it didn't cross my mind, and would have probably made my fragile brain explode if someone had replied: 'But surely, here is the furthest place from Australia?' I also refer to 'Australia' as a 'place', not a country. My recognition of nationalities, countries and governments has defined me ever since the discussion I vaguely recall with my Mother.
'Can't the Queen do whatever she wants?'
'Well, she's not in charge, Thomas,'
'Then who...Is?'
The answer which came was a groundbreaking moment.
'The Government,'
'Who's that?'
I don't remember anything else, but it goes without saying that my awareness of this world, my loose understanding of society, has changed me completely. No longer was the world just Edinburgh, Steyning or my garden, the world was huge, with billions of people, with millions of systems and an endless history, it's depressed me enormously, and cheered me up so very much.

That's about it for 90s to 00s transition.
And now, because, unfortunately, I am getting bored...
1. This decade, I've fallen in love for the first time....I think I've loved anyway, I'm not entirely sure, I've never loved anyone unconditionally, and can't quite figure out how I would do that. I fear I'm still too young to be able to say for certain if I've been in love, but at certain times, at defined moments, it felt as such.
2. I've discovered a love of music. Much of my childhood I was fixated on 'The only good music which has ever been made is the Star Wars soundtrack.' The Beatles changed all that, the moment my Dad slipped that album into the car CD player, much to my complaint, my world was transformed. After The Beatles came The Corrs, Coldplay, Oasis, Snow Patrol, Keane, Sigur Ros, Radiohead, The Kooks, Muse, I owe them and countless others so much.
3. I've met some right twats, and some unforgettable friends. As for the latter, I can't list everyone, but I thank you all, even the twats, for making things...Interesting. From Oliver Beaney, my faithful Commander, a true friend for lfie, to James Ager, of whom words fail to sum up, Chloe Guy, for the best taste in music and the most trustworthy of spirits, Bryony Smith, for being the only girl who's ever made me laugh on a consistent basis. Note how only a few of my LOYAL DISCIPLES have been named (excluding Oliver, but he allows for exclusions), if you're reading this without following...Then maybe you should amend your ways, and you might get mentioned in the next end of decade post.

Which takes me to my final point of call. You're all kidding yourselves if you think that everybody who features in your life now, you'll never forget them, you're always going to stay in touch. No-You-Won't. You'll stay in touch with five at the most, you might be able to attach names to hazy memories of about 20, but the reality is in a few months, we're all going to University, or somewhere else...So, this is to all that have featured. You've made my decade. Cheers.

Tom,
P.S: 2001 was the strangest, 2002 the most conflicting, 2003 the most eventful, 2004 the most defining, 2005 the most celebratory, 2006 the most dull, 2007 the worst, 2008 the most unexpected, 2009 the best.

Quotes of 2009.

2009-12-18T16:13:00.012Z

Quotes of the year. Here they are...

‘Break rank! Break rank!’ – Used whenever something vaguely dramatic happens, unsure who first initiated the command.

Tom Williams: ‘Thank you Riddle Man! You have saved the village!’

David Thomas: ‘There are men with guns in here…’

Tom Williams: ‘Gentlemen…Close the doors.’ – Followed by David Thomas and Seb Davies both simultaneously and in perfect synchronisation closing the double doors.

Louis Le Breuilly: ‘The Death Star!’

Tom Williams: ‘It’s time, I’m initiating Operation Barbarossa.’
David Thomas (with genuine concern): ‘Oh…SHIT!’

Seb Davies: ‘You still like her, don’t you?’
Tom Williams: ‘No,’
Seb Davies: ‘Oh, ok,’
Tom Williams: ‘You’re still a cock, aren’t you?’

Bryony Smith: ‘Look Tom! I’ve found Dee!’ – holding a Swiss roll.

David Thomas: ‘Gravity accelerator 5!’
Tom Williams: ‘No David, that’s a weight.’

Tom Williams: ‘It’s always five to nine!’

Jess Smith: ‘Yes, you did David!’
David Thomas: ‘I didn’t throw it!’
Jess Smith: ‘Then, what’s that I can feel in my bra?’
Tom Williams: ‘Err…Your breast?’

Tom Williams: ‘I don’t like this,’
Seb Davies: ‘Don’t like what?’
Tom Williams: ‘This room…! There’s too many happy people, too many young people, too many young and happy people.’
Seb Davies: ‘Oh yes, silly me to pick a room boasting happiness.’
Tom Williams: ‘Silly you.’

Kirstie Smith: ‘Hey Tom,’
Tom Williams (after pausing iPod): ‘Ah...No…No, no, you can wait until the song ends.’

Louis Le Breuilly: ‘In...Squishy, squishy…Out!’

David Thomas: ‘Tom! Wait!’
Tom Williams: ‘You know you’re the most disappointing stalker I’ve ever had?’

Louis Le Breuilly: ‘Parsnip…?’

Tom Williams: ‘What have you got from the shop, Bryony?’
Bryony Smith: ‘Fake teeth, fake blood and…A FLAPJACK!’

Seb Davies: ‘Who you talking about?’
David Thomas: ‘Keira Knightley or Taylor Swift?’
Seb Davies: ‘Oh tough call..’
Tom Williams: ‘I said Taylor,’
Seb Davies: ‘I dunno…’
David Thomas: ‘In fairness I’d do both,’
Moments pause.
Tom Williams: ‘Oh my God! We’ve known each other for, how long…? And this is the first time we’ve ever had such a manly debate, ‘Oh I’d love to do her’, ‘Oh I’d give her one’, fucking hell guys, what have we become?
David Thomas: ‘Yeah, it is a bit weird…’
Tom Williams: ’Lets just pretend the past five minutes never happened.’

Chloe Guy: ‘You’re just taking those Tic-Tacs to be more like House,’
Tom Williams: ‘Shut up…! The others haven’t figured out yet.’

Seb Davies: ‘We’re going,’
Maddie Pegrum: ‘Why?’
Seb Davies: ‘Tom wants to talk to some girls over there,’
Tom Williams (to Maddie): ‘No, I don’t, I just want my Prit Stick back,’
Tom Williams (in a hushed voice to Seb): ‘Must you always make me look like some sex fiend?’
Seb Davies: ‘What? You want to talk to them?’
Tom Williams: ‘To get my glue!’

David Thomas: ‘I NEED TO CHECK YOUR EYES!’

Ollie Beaney (trying to pick what to buy): ‘You coming here has just made me realise how awful I am at making decisions.’

Chloe Guy (holding out arms for a hug)
Tom Williams: Awww…Sweet, you’re trying to fly again.
Chloe Guy: You’re a…Really horrible person!

Ollie Gummary: ‘We can go in the Common Room?’
Tom Williams: ‘Ah…I dunno, it makes me feel agitated’
Ollie Gummary: ‘Why?’
Tom Williams: ‘It’s full of common people.’

Tom Williams: ‘Fuck the what?’
Max South, Matt Smith, other football related people: Hysterical laughter.
Tom Williams: ‘My God…I’m bonding with the idiots,’
Max South, Matt Smith, other football related people: More laughter.

Tom Williams: ‘What are you doing, Campbell?’
Campbell Williams: ‘Doing life.’

Tom Williams: ‘I’m hunting sheep!’
Bryony Smith: ‘Oh Jesus…’

Tom Williams: ‘I don’t actually believe that’s the time…The numbers look too small.’

Alex Kennedy: ‘Just imagine if the interviewer asks…Tell us something interesting about yourself,’
Tom Williams: ‘Ah yes, I’ve got that covered…Until two weeks ago, I was, in fact, a tabby cat.’

Tom Williams: ‘Well, David did once have this tiny little ginger girlfriend,’
Moments pause
Jess Smith: ‘Now, are you sure that wasn’t a blow up?’

Whilst browsing in a shop
Very masculine, Scottish accent: ‘You alright, David?’
David throws terrified look to Tom,
Tom Williams: ‘Break rank! Break rank!’

Whilst trying to pass through border control into Ollie’s newly born nation.
Ollie Beaney: ‘And your forename is?’
Tom Williams: ‘Williams,’
Ollie Beaney: ‘And you’re sure that’s your forename?’
Tom Williams ‘…OH FUCK!’

On corridor duty
Tom Williams: ‘She’s…quite attractive,’
Seb Davies laughs
Tom Williams: ‘What’s funny?’
Seb Davies: ‘I was just debating if I should mention it,’
From this, we then decided to try something pretty revolutionary; we would be manly and ‘rate’ year 10-11 girls.
Tom Williams: ‘Woah!’
Seb Davies: ‘Woaaah!’
Tom Williams: ‘I think we have an 8!’
Seb Davies: ‘Hell yes!’
High fives.
Tom Williams (To number 8): ‘Hi!’
Seb Davies (To number 8): ‘Hi!’
Number 8 walks out
Seb Davies: 'I don’t think she heard us,'
Tom Williams: ‘No, Seb, she ignored us.’

Hannah Apperley: ‘And he’s just been sending me…like all these weird texts, for ages now, so in the end I just told him to… FUCK OFF!’

Seb Davies: ‘Oh, Tom! There are now only three people I trust in the world, you, Georgia and…This dog who visits me at weekends.’

Tom Williams: ‘Rejoice! David’s lost his voice!’

Upon opening a packet, Tom accidently spills some wine gums over the pavement.
Tom Williams: ‘Oh…SHIT!’
Seb Davies: ‘Fuck!’
Tom Williams: ‘What do we do? What do we do?’
Seb Davies: ‘Kick them!’
Seb and Tom kick the wine gums into a hedgerow.
Tom Williams: ‘Now what?’
Seb Davies: ‘RUN!’
The two of them sprint away.

On corridor duty:
Tom Williams: ‘Yes?’
Year 7 child: ‘Science teacher,’
Tom Williams: ‘Well, I’m not one of them,’
Tom closes the door.

Seb Davies: ‘Tom, what the hell?’
Tom Williams: ‘The common rooms been locked…I’m observing how the common people are reacting to their common room being taken away,’
Seb Davies: ‘Why’s it been locked?’
Tom Williams: ‘Because of a ‘mess.’ Seriously, by 10, these guys are going to use Mr Morgan as a battering ram, chanting: ‘You’re the mess! You’re the mess!’ they’re rather agitated as it is.’

David Thomas: ‘Tom, I need to talk to you about something,’
Tom Williams: Yeah, sure, ok…Actually, hold on…’
Tom gazes up at the sky briefly
Tom Williams: ‘Oh no, wait, sorry, I don’t care!’

Whilst filming his day
Tom Williams: ‘James! You’re part of my day!’
James Ager: ‘I’m part of my…! I’m part of my day? I’m part of your day as well!’

Tom Williams: ‘Chinooks at fucking 3am! What is this?’

Tom Williams: 'You could ask Simon for change,'
David Thomas: 'No, because I don't just want a button with '10p' scribbled over it.'

MSN CONVERSATIONS:

Ollie Beaney: I’M GOING TO FUCK THE SYSTEM SO HARD!
Tom Williams: Don't fuck it too hard, we don't want to rape the system.

Tom Williams: I’m trying to work out how a laptop can ejaculate, ok?
Tom Williams: It’s difficult.
April Wood: Tom.
April Wood: Allen is a guinea pig.

Ollie Beaney: Medic won’t come…Medics never come.

Commentary to Doctor Who:
Ollie Beaney: Asian girl getting bumfucked.
Tom Williams: That is exactly what is happening.
Tom Williams: Anal rape on Mars.
Tom Williams: None of us saw that coming.
Ollie Beaney: Shit.
Ollie Beaney: Horror movie plot right there.
Ollie Beaney: Anal rapists from mars.

Tom Williams says: HAVE YOU GOT THE COLLOOOUUUURSSS?????
Seb Davies says: WHHHHHYY YEEEEESSSS!!!!
Tom Williams says: Good.

Ollie Beaney: In psych today, my teacher said that Freud built up relations with his subjects by sleeping with a lot of them,
Ollie Beaney: Take a guess at what I’m going to ask for now,
Tom Williams: Haha, go on
Ollie Beaney : Freud porn
Ollie Beaney : I want Freud porn
Tom Williams: I want Darwin Porn, imagine how fucked up that would be!?!
Ollie Beaney : Very
Ollie Beaney : Would he be fucking monkeys under the excuse "they'll be humans one day.'

Tom Williams: TOMORROW
Ollie Beaney: ‘What about it?
Tom Williams: Free house from 7 to 11
Ollie Beaney: At night?
Tom Williams: From 7am to 11pm,
Ollie Beaney: 1. Invite girls over.
Ollie Beaney: 2. ???
Ollie Beaney: 3. PROFIT!

Ollie Beaney: Although, I am considering putting a spanner in my hat.
Tom Williams: What about a pasty?
Ollie Beaney: That’d just make you look like a hobo, who’s perhaps in some strange Pasty cult,
Tom Williams: Ah yeah, can’t associate with them these days after that court hearing.
Ollie Beaney: Yeah, especially after the whole human sacrifice thing… Still, must have been a delicious pasty.
Tom Williams: Bloody was.

Tom Williams: I’LL GIVE YOU A RING-A-DING-LING.
Seb Davies: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Tom Williams: Strap on is ‘No parts’ backwards.
Ollie Beaney: INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY
Tom Williams: EXACTLY MY THINKING!
Tom Williams: Wait…This is relevant to the strap on revelation?
Ollie Beaney: Yes.
Tom Williams: Nobody will ever ask you that again, guaranteed.

Jess Smith: It’s ok, was just worried that your crazy neighbour or gremlins had got you,
Tom Williams: I have evidence to suggest that they’re the same thing.

Ollie BeaneY: LOOKED AT IT?
Tom Williams: How do I unlook?...This is just like the time you sent me that Nazi porn.
Tom Williams: See, the funny thing is, you actually did send me that.

Tom Williams: WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT MAN?
Tom Williams: Don’t say ‘a cock.’
Ollie Beaney: A cock
Ollie Beaney: (Yes, I said that because you told me not to).
Tom Williams: Yeah, and I guess reverse psychology is just going to go straight through you?
Tom Williams: Don’t say ‘cock.’
Ollie Beaney: Cock.

Ollie Beaney: That’s the rest of the conversation.
Tom Williams: I…I…I don’t believe I just read that. YOU! You had a wonderful chance! TO CREATE THOUGHT!
Tom Williams: TO PLANT LITTLE SEEDS OF THOUGHT! YOU FUCKING ATE THEM
Tom Williams: WHY ARE YOU EATING YOUR SEEDS?
Ollie Beaney: I’m picking them out of my teeth. I can replant them.
Tom Williams: Good luck trying to FUCKING REPLANT.
Ollie Beaney: I CAN GET A TROWEL!

Ollie Beaney: But if the e-Nazis take over IE, then there will be nothing left to protect Firefox or opera.
Ollie Beaney: They have already conquered Google chrome!
Tom Williams: IE will have to be a sacrifice,
Ollie Beaney: It must be done
Tom Williams: It will buy us time
Tom Williams: Firefox must not fall
Ollie Beaney: It will wipe us off the map, but save the others

Tom Williams: WHY ARE WE TALKING IN CAPS LOCK?
Seb Davies: BECAUSE I'M FUCKNIG NAGRY
Tom Williams: YEAH, I’M NAGRY TOO
Seb Davies: *ANGRY

Tom Williams: A good day then...?
Ollie Beaney: FUCKING ANARCHY.
Tom Williams: Can you stop saying that?

Tom.
P.S: 2010 quotes will start being collected January 1st 2010.

The time has come...

2009-12-02T20:07:00.006Z

For a new console. I've been very much anti-consoles, of all types, for a considerable while now. No longer do I get the same thrill I used to obtain from running around multi-coloured worlds as Rayman, blasting everything in sight as a Stormtrooper (the Star Wars kind, not the angry Nazi thugs), and batting for so long my thumbs feel like they might pack up, leave and hold some 'Rights for thumbs' march. I much prefer commanding vast armies in strategy games, like the Total War series, managing and coaching a cricket team on Childish Thing's Cricket Captain series and winning/manipulating MP's to back my latest, arguably radical, bill in Commons on games like Commander In Chief - Geo-Political simulator 2009. These, in depth, vastly complicated RTS games just cannot be replicated on a console, you cannot (to such beautiful depth and realism) command a legion to Portugal, and capture Lisbon through immaculate outflanking maneuvers, aided by the much appreciated reinforcement cavalry, hiding in the hills... You just can't, I know there's a fair amount of buttons on a 360 controller, but even then you don't get close to the might of the keyboard. Take the Sims for example, remember that time when some idiots (clearly off their tits) at EA decided to release The Sims 2 on PS2, remember how much of an epic failure that was? How it was so limited, that the Sims was actually forced to deviate from freedom, something Sims games are widely praised for, but was instead restricted to mission type scenarios, objectives? On the Sims?? To say the least, it did not work.
The last game I purchased for my knackered, now ancient, brick of a PS2 was Call of Duty 5 World at War (review in earlier post), loved this game...Although admittedly, I have never played it since its very speedy completion, but considered the game pretty awesome, on a parr with the breathtaking Call of Duty 3. Elated, that a Call of Duty game had been released on the PS2, yet still somewhat curious at the 360/PS3 counterparts, I remember investigating...And feeling horrified beyond all comprehension.
1. The graphics were so, so much better...This I expected though, of course they were going to be better, no surprises there.
2. You could play in Stalingrad...I couldn't...I had to fight the Japs...The Japs ran at me, screaming Japanese, I did not appreciate this.
3. Multiplayer...None on PS2.
4. Online play...None on PS2.
5. 6 different campaigns...2 on PS2.

They had packed the 'modern' and 'shiny' consoles with so many added goodies, it was infuriating, I felt cheated, like I had to own a 360/PS3 to really get the most out of this game....THAT, MY LOYAL DISCIPLES, was precisely what they intended for me to feel, a sense of 'Wow...If only I had a big fat 360, I could even play Modern Warfare, the GAME THEY FORGOT TO RELEASE ON PS2, EVEN AT A TIME WHEN PS2 OWNERSHIP OUTRANKED THAT OF PS3.' I refused to update, to follow the mob, I would stay true to my PS2 (rhyming is fun), and when they eventually stop making PS2 games, I'll just.... Play loads of PC games. Which is what I have been doing. For a long, long time.

I'm content with this. As I have already made clear, I love RTS games the most, and these you can't get on any consoles, I still haven't quite repressed all memories of my FPS days, but I'm fine, I can cope, I'm strong enough to just stick with my Geo-Political Simulators, and force myself to shun those PS3 fools. But, PC games have taken a turn, unlike a console, PC games are played on a PC (just to clear up any confusion over that one), PC's are sporadic gits, who require delicate graphics cards, have something called Windows installed on them, which is like some anti-Christ of an operating system.
Get a mac then? I'm not getting a mac, who makes games for macs? And there is no way in hell I can afford a gaming PC. My own PC, Geoffery, for all that he's good for, stutters and stammers his way through the latest games like a retard through Oscar Wilde.

And then, the final straw. I saw a promotional video for Tom Clancy's EndWar for the 360 earlier. Wow. A strategy game for the 360, I looked at this for a giggle, I ended up being completely won over, very few advertisements have had that effect on me. They have countered the problem of lack of buttons with the voice controller headset device THINGY. You simply command your armies, THROUGH DIRECT ORDERS...'2nd platoon continue suppressing fire, air support in waiting,' etc etc....I would SO be in my element, 'Reichsfuhrer requests that all men charge at the enemy tanks equipped with nothing but large stones.' This video then led on to the Beatles RockBand game, love the Beatles, how could I not feel tempted? HOW???

I've asked for a 360 for Christmas...May God assist in my Sony to Microsoft controller conversion learning process, may God allow me to get back into FPS games once more, may God encourage Bes to 'lend' me many of his 360 games, and finally may God make sure that Microsoft don't release the Xbox 360+ or something annoyingly similar.

In other news, OPERATION NARB IS A GO. THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING. THIS SATURDAY. This could well be my last ever blog post.

Tom,
P.S: A Chinese person commented on my blog the other day, whoever you are, I hate the Chinese, no offence, so I deleted your comment which needed translating anyway. Please accept that I will not promote free speech on my corner of the Internet.

Trading Yesterday.

2009-11-28T21:54:00.009Z

A written post? I know, bit radical. I've been getting steadily (rapidly) annoyed by a vast, unimaginable torrent of Peasant folk who treat their opinion of Politics, Government and the Constitution (not that they have any idea what that is) with words such as: 'Boring', 'Useless' and 'Stupid.' I'm sure they'd consider it rather less stupid to be living in a society without a Government, a democracy countless millions died for, a type of country where things like the Police Force, a free health service, a Fire Brigade, Education, the Courts were all unfunded for, void of existence. Yes, that would make more sense, lets return to the Dark Ages. Cancer research, benefits and the right to a free Education are all supplied by who?...The Queen?...The taxpayer? YES, of course without the Government we wouldn't pay any taxes, so...Nothing we take for granted would exist. I'm not asking any of you to take an interest in Politics, to even vote, just to appreciate its existence, even if it is only for the Veterans sake.

Also getting sick of people talking about how Gordon Brown 'wasn't elected'. He was elected by the constituents of Dunfermline East as a representative of the Labour Party in the 2005 general election, considering the Labour Party has the majority in Commons, he is perfectly and lawfully legitimate for the position of Prime Minister. Churchill wasn't elected as Prime Minister, he took over after Chamberlain resigned, do you all hate Churchill as well? Or, is it more that you're desperate to find someone to blame for the WORLD recession?
And I'm irritated by those who just blindly say they'll vote Conservative, and who are on the whole UNABLE TO NAME ANY ONE OF THEIR POLICIES. They're basically claiming they'd vote Tory even if they're first domestic policy was 'To burn all kittens in public displays at midday in the Norwich area every Tuesday.' These ignorant fools really need to mature.

After all that said, I'm actually in a good mood...Well an OK mood, happiness makes me ill. Saw Bryony today, and despite trekking around fields, rain beating down at an unforgiving strength in search for lights (don't ask), was amusing, it is indeed comforting to learn that some girls have the ability to use sarcasm, and use it well. My book, just to make a change, is developing at quite a pace, I'll make a bold statement and announce that I should have finished the first draft by Christmas.

Is Collingwood the most sporadic England cricketer, in respect to 'form' that this country has ever produced? Yes, actually, he is.

What was happening a year ago in my life? Lets take a look at my 28th Novmeber 2008 post...
'I watched Lost earlier hoping it would give me answers to life, didn't really work.'
'Bugger I feel so ill'
'New series of Live at the Apollo tonight!
'Only I want to cause harm to Alastair Cook for God sake.'
As expected, not a lot changed.

Men who cry, and cry a lot, without good reason deserve to be put through some real anguish, we shouldn't counsel these weasels, instead send them to Helamand Province, make them appreciate some proper terror. Quick note on my title, Trading Yesterday are a band I found, a band so amazing, so incredibly astounding that they were in fact, forced by law, to be ignored by the general population...That's how amazing they are, bands such as the Fray, Green Day, Muse etc...Heard these guys, saw them as a considerable threat and did all in their industry powers to deplete them of recognition. Two videos lie below, one Houseisms video which just makes me giggle, the other is a Trading Yesterday song for you all to listen to, and in theory, appreciate.

Tom,
P.S: Although I do indeed love lists, my blog feature has changed, hope you like it...Though, I couldn't really care less.

Back on the Tic-Tacs.

2009-11-24T19:17:00.003Z

Tom,
P.S: I'm not a bastard...And am not against 'text langauge', these just made me laugh.

2009-11-16T18:33:00.005Z

VOLVO.MICROWAVE.FLAG.

2009-11-11T20:23:00.000Z

Tom,
P.S: Spread the word...

If I were Jack Dawson from the film Titanic, there would be a series of noticeable differences....

2009-11-03T20:17:00.016Z

1. I would have lived, either I would have formed some GENIUS plan to get us both rescued, or that ginger girl can get her own board.
2. I would have been upper class, even if I wasn't. Would have stolen that fat American woman's son's dinner jacket not just 'borrowed' it, from then I would simply wonder around the first class decks, talking about my shares in Asquith's government and the pending war.
3. It's lovely and everything, but kissing on the front of the ship...Bit of a health hazard, sorry.
4. My drawings would all be stick men/women.
5. I'm not very good at poker, would probably never have won those tickets in the first place, film would have taken a more bizarre course involving me sitting in a pub in Southampton, crying.
6. I would have stolen that diamond.
7. I would have forced Rose to apologise to that man for sticking her middle finger up at him, running away is bad enough, but that was just unnecessary.
8. I would have just stolen a lot of stuff in general.
9. I doubt Rose really would have been that impressed by my stick drawings, my inability to spit, my bizarre knowledge about wars yet to happen and my disturbing personality links with her fiance.
10. Wouldn't have been able to tap dance.
11. Would have had the caviar.
12. Probably would have found some way to film everything.
13. My 'Don't jump,' talk probably wouldn't have been that effective, she would have jumped and unlike Jack...I'm not going in after her, he's pointed out it would be cold, how about the very real chance of the propellers sucking her under and proceeding to grind her up into very tiny, little, ginger pieces?
14. I would have so kicked off when Cal started shooting at me, it's pretty certain we're going to die anyway, give us a break.
15. Similar to the above, would have yelled a lot at that guy's failure to pass keys to me.
16. Good chance I would have respected the fact that that particular car was someone elses property.

Yeah, I was ill today, watched a film (guess which one!). I find it sad for all the wrong reasons, why oh why could I not have been born in Edwardian society?

Also, I received a disturbing email today: It's me David, get this I HAVE THE INTERNET NOW! DAVID IS ONLINE GOD HELP THE WORLD! The enemy appears to be mobilising, I have contingency protocols in place for this, everything will be fine.
WHAT WAS HAPPENING EXACTLY A YEAR AGO IN MY LIFE, THESE QUOTES SHOULD INFORM YOU:
'Last day of half term today.'
'Might have to employ S's services as a bodyguard to combat the evil work of Angry Girl.'
'Tried watching Top Gear on iplayer earlier, nope it just wasnt having any of it, how annoying.'

Tom,
P.S: I would have made my own lifeboat out of a wardrobe.

A written post?!?!?!?!

2009-11-02T20:13:00.011Z

Yeah, I've gone a bit mental, back to using proper, good, reliable words rather than meaningless and undeniably insane videos. I should be writing some notes on 'Oh what a lovely war' for Drama, then revise some William Pitt (the younger) notes for timed essay tomorrow, thankfully I think Pitt's awesome, so the latter doesn't particularly bother me. Studying 'Oh, what a lovely war!' For Drama, FINALLY THE DRAMA DEPARTMENT HAVE LISTENED TO ME! After many, many years of complaining, a play about war we have to study, I've been helping Miss Monk with all the World War 1 historical background malarkey, for once, Drama isn't so bad... Though I expect that will all change tomorrow, going to see some ridiculous play with a bunch of people I'm either unfriendly with or don't know, ah, but this is what iPods are made for. No, that's a false statement, iPods probably weren't made for awkward social situations, I just bought one to combat that problem.

Using Realtek HD Audio Manager I've made James Blunt sound like a man, doing the world a favour once again.

Earlier was pretty distressing, I was talking to my English teacher about what I wanted to do for coursework, our conversation reached a point like this...
'You're very good at using sarcasm in your work, you need to mention this in your commentaries though,'
'Yes, true,'
'So what is sarcasm, Tom?'
And for that brief, horrifying moment in time, I had literally no idea.
'Errr...It's....urr...when you exaggerate something?'
'No, not really,'
'Sorry, I'm told I use sarcasm all the time, I...I don't know what it is.'
This bothered me a lot, so I had a very good think and wrote the following for my English teacher:
Sarcasm - A guide.
Sarcasm is the delivery of a point or message, which when delivered in the correct tone, bears an underlying message. For example, something false, but in a tone which is obvious to the reader or listener, and thus informing them on the real point.
'Tom, you're going to Munich again,'
'Yes, because that makes a change.'
The tone makes clear the statement is not to be taken in a literal sense, if poorly performed, the sarcasm can be lost.
My English teacher was pleased anyway.

At first I was a bit sceptical, this probably isn't Robert Webb, Sam Bain or Jesse Armstrong, but Ollie was like: 'I BET IT IS!' And Bryony backed him up with something similar, therefore, it must be, HOW AWESOME IS THAT????? - Rhetorical, I already know the answer, VERY awesome.

I bought a poppy earlier, then at lunch found it had escaped my jumper, pretty distressing little moment there. Thankfully though, from Bes's advice I 'retraced my steps' and for once it actually worked! Good old Bes.

'Tom, this is bollocks! What the hell was happening exactly a year ago in your life?' I hear you cry like a distressed backbencher, well, cry no more, for due to my blog's one year anniversary, I can now tell you.
SOME INFORMATIVE QUOTES FROM MY SUNDAY 3RD NOVEMBER POST 2008:
'Ok firstly England lost.'
'I will walk from my home in the Cotswolds to the middle of Ireland.'
'Should I stop talking to my computer...yes definitely.'
'Love life, has that changed at all?...Ha ha as if.'

Wow...I've just gone full circle, how depressing.

Tom,
P.S: A year ago I had been inspired by the Corrs, still am, how very reassuring.
P.S.S: http://omegle.com/ - Such fun.

Well, I found this funny.

2009-11-01T13:15:00.003Z

Tom,
P.S: I said there would be a special post, what did you seriously expect? I'M VERY BUSY.

The British Revolution.

2009-10-28T15:01:00.003Z

Tom,
P.S: In two days time a year of my life will have been recorded on the Internet, one hell of a special post coming up...

Saturday 17th October

2009-10-18T11:59:00.004+01:00

PART ONE:

AND TWO:

Tom,
P.S: This amount of weapons isn't typical of a normal Saturday, honest.

Coming soon...

2009-10-15T20:01:00.005+01:00

Tom,
P.S: This isn't a confirmed production by the way, if half of it is me by a computer, then I won't upload it...I'll deliberately do SOMETHING exciting though, light a fire, jeer at the church, climb a tree etc...
P.S.S: Yeah, I said my next post would be a written one...Gosh! Did I lie?

I have so mastered video blogging...

2009-10-14T20:53:00.004+01:00

Tom,
P.S: If anyone wants those songs? Just ask, or get them the proper way (with coins) and fund the artist, whatever....NEXT blog post, you'll be relieved to know is a written one.
P.S.S: DECIDED TO SAVE THE EPILEPTICS! Used a more suitable clip.

This is what happens when you go into a video blog with no idea what you're going to talk about...

2009-10-12T20:59:00.002+01:00

Tom,
P.S: Yeah, they'll be more scripted in the future. This isn't sad me sitting in front of a camera doing this on a regular basis, perhaps it's sad you watching it? Please don't stop watching though, just maybe if you find yourself watching it more than three times...Speak to someone, yeah?

HELL THE WHAT IS THIS??? This, my friends, is video blogging.

2009-10-11T20:15:00.004+01:00

Tom,
P.S: This whole video blogging phenomenon won't last, I still plan to do written posts, just trying to be 21st century here folks.

I felt sad that nobody but me could experience a day in my life, I took action...

2009-10-07T19:42:00.003+01:00

And part 2......

Tom,
P.S: Yeah, this was a 'video blog'.

'Are you locked up in a world thats been planned out for you? Are you feeling like a social tool without a use?'

2009-10-03T22:04:00.012+01:00

First things first (because that actually makes sense), 'The Latest Woes Of Ian Bell' has once again seen curtains fall upon its...Face? Basically, the end of the English domestic season has now come to a close, Ian wasn't part of the Champions League Squad and I doubt he'll play much of a part in the South Africa tour. Yep, Ian's going to be having to a quiet winter, lots of crying himself to sleep and disappointment when Father Christmas doesn't bring him some new batting gloves...Slightly hypocritical Tom, slightly.
Sticking on the cricket front, THANK GOD England lost to Australia in the semi-final of the Champions League! Never felt so relieved. We had already beaten South Africa (ranked first) and Sri Lanka, two sides which should have easily squashed us like the insignificant pompous bugs we are, instead Strauss led his men valiantly to two, nigh on impossible, victories. I think I speak for all when I say I felt very guilty. We're not supposed to win, we're supposed to come 6th or 7th, NOT 4TH. Andrew Strauss needs to learn his place.

Today I replaced Neil the iPod. I was running out of memory on my little 4gb 3rd gen Nano, it was time for a replacement to come in, a big meaty 8gb replacement. That's right people, Nigel is twice the size of Neil and HAS A FUCKING VIDEO CAMERA ON HIS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the new Nano! The camera is so mindblowingly stupendous, love how Apple have crammed it full of features...The thermal body heat mode, the 'Cyborg' mode, the 'Security Camera' mode etc etc...In total there's about 40 different settings. The 5th gen of Nano is not perfect though, I confess I like the whole 'Shake the iPod and you can shuffle your songs' feature. Tiny problem when you place the iPod in your pocket and walk.

I bought my new iPod from Argos....I've never purchased anything from Argos before. My God. What the hell is that place? 'Forget placing the products on a shelf/rack/product display case for the customer to buy, instead they shall follow THE BIBLE OF SHOPPING.' No, that catalogue is like trying to navigate through Hong Kong in a Panzer Tank, it doesn't work. Then, I have to fill out this weird form, take it to this needlessly attractive twenty something year old girl who gives me more stuff to sign and then tells me to sit down. Sit down? This was just more and more absurd, I sat down, looking up at this monitor which actually read just like a train timetable, watching order 661 fall into the 'processing' section, it EVENTUALLY did...Anyway, after 15 minutes I was walking away with a new iPod, not sure how I got there, but I did. Do have no money though...Felt so sad passing it over, like part of me had died, that job offer my parents keep on screaming at me over dinner is becoming infuriatingly tempting...

'Everything' By Lifehouse is a song which sickens me. I quite like the song, it's ok to listen to, but seriously the lyrics...Bloody hell, read this:

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

I would HATE to become so dependant on someone, so dominated by them that my life and feelings for them matched those lyrics, that wouldn't give me strength feeling like that, it would make me feel very, very sad. Christ, having someone as your 'purpose' is not a good thing, what if your purpose got run over? What are you going to do then? Find a new one? 'Everything' by Lifehouse represents the absolute dependency people can become of one another. Sure, they're at the top of the whole love experience, and justifiably so they're the ones who come crashing down with twice as much force. Imagine if they were also fat.
Lets stick on the personal talk front for a while, I spoke to someone for the first time in a while last night. There are some people in this world who you might be ridiculosly close to, but they don't know you, they base a few small examples of your behaviour on your entire character, in essence they mould a new one around who you actually are. This person has done that, they really have made some pretty massive character misjudgements about me, I do lie, I do think I'm always right and I am most certainly not a happy person. Yet, it doesn't bother me that they've really made a mess of deciding what sort of human being I am, all they've done is described a perfect form of me, something I'm not, something I want to be.

Peep Show wasn't so great last night, still hilarious, just not as good....I'm not worried, this usually happens, it will pick up again. Tomorrow will not be fun, so much fucking History work...Do not like the French revolution, do not like the Englightenment, do like Pitt...Pitt work not in for two weeks...Unfair, I'll happily write about Pitt, not the French.

Not much else to say...

Tom,
P.S: Title lyrics are 'She' - Green Day.

'Go on, stab my stuff, fork it to smitherenes!' - Peep Show series 6 - because something has to keep me going.

2009-09-27T19:53:00.007+01:00

Stupid blood brain, I have some free time, I actually have some free time, after my beautiful Sunday afternoon was overrun with English work (will rant about THAT soon enough), God's day became Miss Rodrdigue's day, I am not pleased and I doubt God is either. Anyway, might try and finish chapter 11 of my book, only a few more pages to go, I know what happens...
1. MRI scan shows he's fine
2. Appointment with therapist is booked
3. Drugs are prescribed
4. Doctor recommends Jack disobeys Darren's latest order, Jack agrees.
5. Jack phones up Ed/Sam/Lucy, tells him/her he'd like to go.
That's what happens in the remainder of chapter 11 in chronological order, yet I can't actually write, what the hell? That isn't writer's block, that's just...Stupid. 'Go outside, get some fresh air, bowl some off spin in the garden Tom' my brain recommends. Bad idea. Lost my tennis ball after gentle off spin against the house became ferocious fast bowling, I lost my precious tennis ball in some flowers, neighbour gave me an odd look as I was crawling around a flower bed looking for a ball. I haven't found it by the way, I'm depressed.

Yesterday some interesting personal shit happened, am I going to write about it? No, no I'm not. Disappointed? I'm glad. But why Tom? We're fed up of hearing about cricket and the apocalypse, yeah I know funny readers, but I'd hate to sadden you all. On that tone...My English work, I have to write a commentary on the autobiographical extract I did. I can now conclude it was the most pointless excercise I have ever been set to complete, having to justify why I put an amazing adjective there or why I keep on using rhetorical questions is just silly, why do I have to explain why I'm amazing? The exam board can probably see that, I most certainly can (I wrote it), can we just leave it how it is please?

Wow Facebook intrigues me. Charlie Aitkin gave you an energy pack in Mafia Wars. Firstly, I have not spoken to him in over five years, why is he being so generous to me? Secondly, what the hell even is Mafia Wars?

Below is an amazing song set to an incredible video. Everyone should watch Band of Brothers, it should be made compulsory viewing, serious I want a law imposed, I might write a letter. The Pacific set to be broadcast next year looks INCREDI-BILL as well, that's right, not incredible, INCREDI-BILL.

Tom,
P.S: England are cocking up an easy victory over South Africa, however I don't mind. We beat Sri Lanka the other day, I'm finding it weird this new found winning...I actually feel guilty about it, like I should apologise to the teams that are SUPPOSED to be good.

'Pulverize the Eiffel towers who criticize your government'

2009-09-24T22:34:00.005+01:00

My new philosophy: 'If you avoid something hard enough it becomes unbearably noticeable and finds you.' Classic example being Gordon Brown and power. My philosophy is somewhat flawed however, some things are avoided through choice, some things are avoided through planted obstacles, Gordon Brown falls into the latter of these two categories.

Not looking forward to tomorrow, 'Speak Easy' day, what the hell does that even mean? Learnt today that we're haphazardly placed into random groups, I hate this widespread and unfortunately nourished educational policy. They claim that by working with people you don't usually spend time with is realistic to a working environment, no it's not, in an actual working environment I have the option to leave whenever I want. A working environment has systems of power and authority, people are forced to work alongside each other because they need money TO LIVE. Are Speak Easy going to be feeding us? Or better still, paying us?

The only positive coming out of today was corridor duty actually, despite the fact my platoon was given an IMPOSSIBLE corridor, nobody can stop the mob at the main corridor entrance. I still had a laugh though, bonded with a funny specky kid with a crazy multicoloured badge and terrified a year seven girl. I apologised to her by the way, sort of had to, I want to appear threatening (not aided by Henry sitting next to me knitting) but not to the point where I make children cry. 'The only positive coming out of today was corridor duty' - Oh good God my life sucks.

Tom,
P.S: Green Day - Holiday being the title lyrics.

NHS - National Health SMELLS.

2009-09-16T21:15:00.012+01:00

bleeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg. I've got swine flu, it just hasn't been confirmed yet. I match four of the seven available swine flu symptoms on the NHS site, doesn't that mean I qualify? When are the paranoid masked men going to come round and put me in a containment field? I've been waiting a while now. At least Swine Flu would be a talking point, FLU is just dull.

I'm fed up of riddles in people's personal messages on MSN, or people using their personal messages as a 'LOOK AT MY DEPRESSION' advert. Erm...Yes, I'm not going to list examples, we've all seen it before haven't we? The whole: 'I want my life to end, I'm so unhappy, BLAH, BLAH, FUCKING BLAH.' I'm in an incredibly bad mood by the way. I can't write my sodding book, despite the fact I know EVERYTHING which happens in the final few chapters, sometimes down to the very words, I just can't write!!! I'm forever staring at the flashing cursor tormenting me, if cursors were linguistic mine would be in hysterics. So instead I'm just going to vent on this for a while.

Started talking to a Finnish girl on Omegle earlier, now on MSN. That's the second Finnish girl I have on MSN, Finland has a very small population, do I want all the women in Finland loving me? Would that really be a good thing? Kinda cool having an entire countries female population adoring you, I'd feel guilty though, nothing I can't live with however. Anyway, I found it interesting talking to...Can't remember her name, talking to Fin 2, she's completely different to Fin 1. Talking to Fin 2 is like conversing to a rather thick chav, she actually likes R&B and all sorts of weird stuff. Fin 1 is just scary, she hates everything and everyone, awesome in some respects but she's simply too weird, for example she likes Ballet and swims in Lakes. I'm not sure what it is with me and Finnish people, I'm starting to think sarcasm doesn't exist in Helsinki. Also had a full blown DEMOCRACY V COMMUNISM row with a Chinese guy earlier! He so lost that.

Did just give my mobile number to the Her Majesty's Ministry for Education...Do I want the Government having my mobile number? Bugger. Like to add now, I'm not just phoning up The Ministry for Education and yelling my number at them, I filled out a Youth Parliament form.

So very depressed, so very ill, so very hateful.

Tom,
P.S: Didn't even laugh at the 4 minute preview of Peep Show, unlike the whole of YOUTUBE I just didn't find it that funny...Oh God. DO CHANNEL 4 REALISE PEEP SHOW SERIES 6 IS ALL I AM LIVING FOR?
P.S.S: I finally agree with Obama on something! Kanye West is a jackass.

'How many times do I have to learn? All the love I have is in my mind?'

2009-09-13T19:40:00.008+01:00

Ah, the Pigeon Detectives are giving me a headache with their songs of picking up girls like they're from the unwanted, used and broken PS2 games section in GAME. I for one pity those games, they look so sad. Am loving the Mitchell and Webb sketches at the moment, getting me even more hyped about the long awaited return of Peep Show, why can't it be everyday? A Peep Show soap opera would be fucking ace. I'm not going to post loads of my favourite sketches on here, otherwise I might as well just become Youtube, but if you're feeling miserable check out any sketches concerning 'The Event', 'Walk off a cliff' and 'Big Talk'.

I've recently been inspired by...myself...And have acquired a whole wealth of novel ideas, annoyingly I need to finish my current book (3 chapters and counting) which I was supposed to accomplish over the summer, what the hell was I doing for 11 weeks? NOTHING!! And I still haven't finished the thing, I blame the internet. Though I do love the intenert, what was life like before the internet? Thank God I was born in the 90's and not the 70's, I would be so bored I'd probably be into Dungeons and Dragons and bloody stamp collecting. Sorry, I just don't see the appeal of stamp collecting,
'Look everyone I've got a second class stap from Namiba!'
'Great and what can you do with that...?'
'Err...I can look at it?'
'So, nothing?'
'Yes.'

I don't care if this rant loses all my loyal disciples, this is my blog, I can say what I like. I don't understand emos. Why millions of us have to dye our hair black and listen to Paramore to make ourselves more interesting bewilders me. That's all it is though, 'GRRR...Look at me with my black hair and my black clothes and my fucking pierced FACE! I'm so damn depressed, LOOK AT ME!' It's a mindless attention seeking ploy, people have to join this friendly goth spin off cult to give themselves a new dimension, to appear deep and troubled. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not a huge fan of emos (which by now I hope has been made clear) but they're mostly pleasant people who have always been somewhat courteous to me, I'm not against their existence or want to drive them all into concentration camps. Although, any reading this will probably make it their job to beat me into a dwarf like stature, I'd like to stress I just don't get them, not hate them. But this isn't surprising, I have a monotone dreary southern accent, I wear neatly ironed shirts, watch cricket, can relate to Mark Corrigan, write novels and think toffs are awesome....I know, it's any wonder why I'm single.

I think for the coming week I'm going to make a concerted effort to be nice to everyone. There are times where I'll be making a joke about someone or something and then overstep the line, one minute someone will be laughing at what I'm saying then I go a little too far and it's actually quite evil, I also yelled at someone last week who was just being friendly to me, I do rather feel bad about that. I can be nice to people and do genuinely care about SOME, it's just...Not in my nature?

ENOUGH ABOUT HOW I'M GOING TO REDEVELOP MY ATTITUDE TO PEOPLE AND GOVERNMENTS FOR ONE RECOGNISED WEEK, LETS TALK ABOUT FRIDAY 18TH SEPTEMBER. OR RATHER LETS WATCH A NICELY EDITED CHANNEL 4 PROMO CONCERNING FRIDAY 18TH SEPTEMBER 2009.

Tom,
P.S: Don't watch United 93, it's like the film antidepressants run away screaming from.
P.S.S: Title lyrics are from Lucky Man - The Verve.

Do Tic-Tac rehab clinics exist?

2009-09-09T16:18:00.015+01:00

I've noticed something about TV DVD box sets. Something important. Lost series 1 and 2 are huge great boxes, 4 episodes on each disc, 1 disc to a case. Same goes for House, series 1 and 2 are monstrous boxes with 4 episodes to 1 disc, 1 disc to a case. In 2007, the same year as both Lost series 3 and House series 3 were aired and consequently released to DVD A REVOLUTION IN THE WORLD OF TV DVD BOX SETS OCCURRED! Same number of episodes yet a tiny little box. But why or more like HOW Tom? Woah, just calm down, I'll explain, some genius (or environmental nutter) at the world of DVDs realised that two discs could actually fit into 1 case. Yeah, that's it.

Haven't done a blog in a while, not since Monday 31st August, today is the 9th of September, wow. Oh yeah, about today's date, slightly annoyed, heard a bunch of people talking about how today was the anniversary of 9/11. No it's not. The Americans just use a silly reversal system, gaaah. Everyone knows 9/11 was mostly a conspiracy anyway, seriously guys, Youtube: 'World Trade Center 7', it's all there. The most convincing video being a BBC correspondent reporting with the skyline in her background, she's informing the viewers on the collapse of bulding 7 which is still stood in the background, only five minutes after she first announces the news can we see the building collapse, it wasn't only the twin towers which fell that day, OF COURSE IT WASN'T RIGGED.

Blimey...I really do have nothing to say today, fine 6th form, lets talk about that. It's ok, I was outraged that the co-op continues to sell me spearmint tic-tacs instead of fresh mint. Me and Bes moved from our bench to...Another bench, more central to civilsation..erm...Yeah, sixth form is fun, the lessons are actually quite interesting, apart from Drama, but hey I'm dropping that after this year anyway. DO NOT like Psychology woman, always getting me to be her guinea pig in her stupid memory experiments, why? We all know I can't remember three random letters whilst counting back in threes from 760. Me and Bes need to replace David with someone, he isn't worthy to be part of the Three Lee Enfields, errrrgggggg....I don't actually think there's much else to report in concern to work, my cramp came back briefly at half 1, was not impressed. I don't appreciate my foot yelling at me in a childish voice: 'No sorry Tom, I've been supporting you for 16 years now, I'm on strike, walk on your hands or something, they do fuck all.'

AHHHHH!!!!! Even the Lost trailers are so ambiguous they could have been directed by someone who's never watched the show before and is 8!!! However, the Oceanic airlines women do get noticeably more and more attractive as the advert progresses.
I expect only Simon cared about that video.

Must be something else I can write on.... My wife sent me a Boulevard Of Broken Dreams and Wonderwall mix, I usually hate mixes, but this actually works! In places. The opening of Boulevard and Wonderwall are virtually identical, Boulevard is just more electric guitar based, more manly, more just GRRRRRRR.

I promise from now on I'll only update this thing when I've got something to write,

Tom,
P.S: I just watched a Channel Nine Ashes montage to 'Run' by Snow Patrol, one of the best montage videos I've ever seen. Actually made me pity the Australians, I kinda felt sorry for them and I'm not even being sarcastic, even I find it sad to see such arrogant cocks beaten down by less talented Englishmen.
P.S.S: HOUSE IS AN AMAZING SHOW.
P.S.S.S: I realise my title doesn't relate to much of the post, bassicaly I've got a problem, I think it needs looking at.

'Some might say that sunshine follows thunder, go and tell it to the man who cannot shine...'

2009-08-31T11:44:00.009+01:00

My God, what on Earth was last week? What in the name of Monty Panesar was last week? Firstly, England win the Ashes, possibly the biggest event since the first Moon landing or...2005. Then STUFF happening on Monday, the likes of which aren't even going to be published on the Internet. Thursday, another big day, can't remember why. Saturday, Oasis split up, one of the best bands if not THE BEST to have ever existed (apart from The Beatles and Snow Patrol of course), brothers shouldn't work together. Not like Liam or Noel can have solo careers either. Noel writes the songs, Liam sings the songs. They NEED each other!!! Otherwise it will just be Liam recording a cover of Humptey-Dumptey with a heavy bass line, which I admit might be awesome in some respects, but a touch bizarre. From Monday-Sunday I fall out with NEARLY everyone I know and I have completed at the most a new sentence to my book, pathetic. Last night was pretty massive as well, I decided to shave. I'm not sure why, I've been trying to get a House style look for ages and now I've destroyed my mask of manliness, my face feels like an ice rink but I look like a toddler with growth problems. When will normality return? I've never been more desperate for my life to return to writing solidly for hours, listening to depressing music, watching House and complaining about society...Ok, I have been doing most of those things, there's just background issues screaming out.

Don't like the new Cricket captain 2009 game...Do not like it. Downloaded a free trial yesterday, thank God I didn't find it in Cheltenham, would have been a wasted £19.99. On the 2008 game you don't have to play it in full screen, which is great, I love PC games with that feature, means you can talk to people and do other stuff whilst playing. This feature is active on 2009 but with one minor difference, it doesn't change from full screen!! It only allows you to access the fucking Windows toolbar!!!!! Plus, all the players have changed and there's a new funny looking interface which frightens me, batsman now have 7 levels of aggression? My word...

Ever listened to a select few of songs on an album loads and just dismissed the others because they're either, crap, boring or weird? I'll take the eerie silence as a yes. Well people, check out those dismissed songs, some aren't bad, now I'm addicted to 'Set Down Your Glass' a song before yesterday iTunes tells me I had only listened to once.

Going to hit some stuff,

Tom,

P.S: It ended up hitting me.

A badly written, mostly MUSEic based post.

2009-08-28T21:31:00.012+01:00

Ok, ten minutes ago I was pretty bemused. I just don't understand why so many Ashes 2005 videos are set to the most depressing and frankly boring of songs, 'My Immortal'. I've had a badger over the lyrics and I can safely say they bear no relation to Cricket, victories or happiness, I don't know why ANYONE would chose that video to scenes of cricket people smiling and jumping around. One day, someone will have the sense to make an Ashes video to Butterflies and Hurricanes by Muse, bloody awesome song all about overcoming battles and having to be 'your best'. My bemusement has been cleared up though, there are a few lyrics in 'My Immortal' which do kinda fit to the videos in question...
'I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears' - Michael Vaughan had played a previous Ashes series before this, maybe he was just fed up of 'being here'. He also probably has some childhood rooted fear of the Australian bowling attack, I know I do.
'Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone' - Maybe a reference to previous England captains, they are quite annoying and always on Sky, just piss off and grumble privately someplace else.
'These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real' - If taken in a literal sense, I can understand that.
'There's just too much that time cannot erase' - Before 2005 Australia had held the ashes for...18 years? There abouts anyway.
'When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears' - Wow, I guess Harmison just can't cope without best bud Flintoff.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT IN ALL THAT NONSENSE??!?!?!?!?!?! Moving on, I've had what would be a brilliant day ruined by illness. The good points coming in my Amazon orders of House season 3 and my fucking awesome black leather briefcase with...wait for it...an adjustable shoulder strap arriving in the post today. Amazon are getting speedier, I congratulate them. All they need to realise now is that I'm not going to be buying any CD'S from them because HMV DO FREE POSTAGE AND PACKAGING. God, why is Amazon the only online super giant which can't find cheap labour?

DAMN I love Snow Patrol...And Oasis and Green Day and...The Beatles and...The Fray and The Academy Is. Oh! plus The Corrs, even with their sickly romantic songs, nothing as disgusting yet at the same time undeniably beautiful as Runaway should ever have been made legal. Not sure how a song can be ILLEGAL, I guess if it was really racist or neo-Nazi propaganda, but then society would just start screaming: 'But it's art!' And people like me (they exist, somewhere) would have to put away our counter-arguments about the Nazis being a pretty mean bunch and accept that it is just art. Ah, can feel a society rant coming on, better think about something else to write and fast.
Need to find someone to talk to, wow, how sad does that sound? Should probably apologise to Bes, it's just so annoying...I know he's sitting at home thinking exactly the same thing, the two of us in a horrible 1914-1918 style stalemate, waiting for the other to advance with apologetic ramblings. Yes, yes I know what you're thinking: 'Buuuut Tom!!! Bes will read this and have an advantage over you!' Don't worry everyone, he can't read. That wasn't what you were thinking were you? Who are you? Leave a comment.
I can relate so much to some of the lyrics of 'Chocolate' it's scary, I thought Snow Patrol had finally made a happy song, but alas, you read the lyrics and find it's pretty downbeat about stuff. But yeah, love finding songs I can relate to and whenever 'Chocolate' comes up on shuffle it's pretty tempting to start screaming in public places: 'BUT THIS IS ME!'. Hate those songs which appear happy and jovial, 'Summer Sunshine', 'Chocolate', 'Playing Along', then you find out it's about drugs, the loss of a partner or mistakes.

I seem to be writing more and more posts these days, each making me sound more like a nutcase. Oh yes, results....
'What did you get Tom? What did you get??'
'I GOT A BILLION BLOODY A'S!!!!!!!'
'But you didn't, did you?'
'No.'
I did well, not much else to say, I now have a piece of paper I can wave in people's faces which actually has printed on it the words: 'This guy knows TOO MUCH PRE 1950 HISTORY!' Ok it doesn't say that, but I think it should. Actually, that's an idea, I hate having to wait for cheques to process, I might go up to an Abbey National assistant tomorrow and wave my newly found qualifications in their face! They'd probably just wave a degree back at me. Flaws are evident.
My Gran is almost as odd as myself, she started a HUGE email to me with the most amazing email opener of all time: 'I have done some serious thinking about sheep.'

Going back to music quickly, I know, I know, this post makes very strange reading, it's kinda being written as I think, LIKE THAT'S A FIRST. 'Crack the shutters' by Snow Patrol, awesome awesome awesome song, borderline sickly romantic, but too epic to fall into that category. It did used to piss me off though, I mean, who actually has shutters??? I've come to accept however that this...
'Crack the shutters open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day' sounds more impressive than:
'Crack the curtains open wide, I wanna bathe you in the light of day.'
Or does it? I guess curtains is a bit pathetic sounding, it has a slight ring to it though.
If you're feeling down, listen to this...It's my own personal feel good song.

Tom,
P.S: Only listen to the UNPLUGGED version of Runaway, the rest sound more awful. Wahey for the Corrs and their Irish loveliness!!
P.S.S: OK, I think I might just have to accept the fact I fancy Andrea Corr (the lead singer) a tiny little bit.
P.S.S.S: 'Australia thrash Scotts' - Whatever.
P.S.S.S.S: I just couldn't help myself with the title, why did I only mention Muse once?

What the hell happened to the massive high?

2009-08-26T18:58:00.007+01:00

Good lord, I wake up this morning with a horrible headache, a sense of appending doom and a cat wailing at me. I was pretty concerned about the cat (the appending doom is just a given really), that thing never makes any noise of any description unless he's severely distressed or in a car. I still don't know what the hell is up with him either, calmed down once I gave him some food and provided the reassurance that I'd prefer to work in a French restaurant than buy a dog. The headache is probably related to yesterday's cricket practice, why did I drag myself there in my exhausted state? All I could do with any success was bowl funny looping off spinners from a two yard run up, those kept on getting hit (by the side of the net) so I was told to pair up with this funny kid with glasses and do some catching practice. That didn't really work either, he just threw the ball at me and I let it hit my face repeatedly, annoyingly he seemed to be getting thrills out of that, I simply didn't have it in me to stamp on his glasses and call him 'Daniel Vettori'...Which probably would have just been a compliment anyway, I'll find some other cricketer with glasses, they can't hide from the international scene forever.

Right, earlier today I finally snapped, I broke down, I feel pretty guilty about what I did but it had to be done. Finally, I downloaded Firefox and uninstalled Internet Explorer. I just couldn't cope with it's constant cock ups, one frozen page...Fine, but then two in succession, it's been going on for months as well, I had to let go, move on and join the millions of IE deserters. So, what do I make of Firefox? It's hard to say, right from the installation point I was a bit miffed. Before 5% it read as 'Just doing some housekeeping' as if it was some weird old friend popping by, 'doing some housekeeping'...I had never been so close to pressing cancel, housekeeping??? I won't have some Internet browser checking I don't have illegal porn or plans for acquiring nuclear weapons (ha, missed them) or just generally having a nosy around my documents...Gah, thankfully it's 'housekeeping' proved to be fine, I was officially worthy enough to have Firefox, hur-fucking-rah. Things picked up after that, it asked me if I wanted to keep my IE homepage and history, which was nice. I mean, it did ask it in a 'what do you want me to do with all your ex's stuff?' kind of tone, but I appreciated that it was consulting me rather than charging gallantly forward and replacing my beloved iGoogle homepage with some Firefox bullshit. Seriously, I love my iGoogle page, it's weirdly comforting, every morning seeing my BBC world news, my BBC national news, my BBC cricket news and my less trusted Cricinfo cricket news...All that alongside my horoscope and daily 30 second brain challenge game (18 seconds!) All to a lovely Lost season 5 backdrop. Anywaaaaay, I kept that, Firefox did throw out my out of date Yahoo toolbar and decided upon itself to update the thing with a flashy new one which gives me regular weather updates...Actually, that is kinda cool .

Wow, that was a lot of quite pointless information about my highs and lows with Firefox. Oh ACTUALLY, just one more thing, why do some editions get the running fox when a page is loading? Where's mine? I don't want one but still WHERE'S MINE MOZILLA??!?!?!??! Yes, a pretty uneventful day. I tried to eat, gave up and had some Tic-Tacs, watched two Peep Show episodes, contemplated for a verrry long time about watching Valkyrie, decided I'd be better off watching something more lighthearted. Played some Cricket Manager, got pissed at Tremlett's selection for England, he's not even playing, I wouldn't mind so much if he was playing, but he's just sitting around not doing anything whilst I'm trying to find some decent bowler from Hampshire's £0 funded youth academy. Wish I hadn't spent nearly all my money on a fucking great stand on only one side of the stadium and on Sangakara, a 40 year old who I forgot used to be incredible, now hobbles around like...like...Me.

I found Kevin Pietersen's twitter earlier today as well. Was not impressed AT ALL.

1:13 AM Jul 8th:
Sun is shining in Cardiff. I'm exciting. Bring on the Aussies. - Does he mean 'excited' or has he overdosed on his ego pills?
1:21 AM Jul 8th:
'Hope you like my hair better this year. Was lookin back at some pics of the last Ashes and I dont look me best' - Firstly, I don't care about your hair, I care if you score runs. Secondly, yes you looked like a complete twat in 2006/07. Thirdly, 'me best'.
9:59 AM Jul 13th:
'Got photographed coming out of a club last night just to top my day. Fu**ers' - Well shouldn't you be practicing anyway or just doing something BETTER with your time?
10:00 AM Jul 13th:
'Wish everyone would stop going on about Colly. He had a good innings - whoopy sh*t' - Yeah I agree Kevin, FUCK TEAM SPIRIT!...What a tosser.
'Devastated - what more cna I say?' - I just don't know what he cna say anymore.

What a long post.

Tom,
P.S: Do NOT visit this link if you value your time: http://www.bartbonte.com/mustpopwords. If you do check it out, I personally find the penguin really annoying, not only does the penguin take up precious letter bubble space but he gives you tormenting instructions.
P.S.S: After hearing about the whole West Ham thugs V the fuzz incident, I'm glad I don't like football. God, that just wouldn't happen in cricket, certainly not at Worcestershire's sweet little stadium. Seriously, what would they do? Burn down the Ladies Pavilion and then steal some fuitcake and pelt Solanki with it? Wait, why do the 'ladies' get their own pavilion? What's up with that? And actually, Solanki hit me in the neck once, no he actually did, he hit a ball into the crowd, hit the guy in front and ricocheted into my neck, so I don't mind if he gets the fruitcake treatment. I don't pay to get hit in cricket, I play for that.

Tic-Tac.

2009-08-25T19:16:00.005+01:00

Not sure if it's a particularly good thing, or healthy habit for that matter, but for the last couple of days without any exaggeration coffee and Tic-Tacs have become my entire diet.

Still on a massive high from Sunday's win. It's the sort of disbelief and slight confusion of the high though, I just don't understand it anymore, Australia scored 11centuries throughout the series, England 2...How did we win? It's just ridiculous. Love how Ponting can't seem to leave this country without some sort of facial injury, 2005 the sliced cheek, 2009 the cut lip.

OUT OF CONTEXT - What a disturbing song: 'I broke into your house last night...And left a note by your bedside..' That's just creepy and law defying. - OUT OF CONTEXT. Talking about law breaking, I want to find a job (just briefly) where I have to look after people on drugs, they're so fun to talk to! Ha, rabbits, what a nutter he was...

I'm now starting to understand the origins of cricket. That it was a sport devised by seniors of the British Empire to educate the colonies in a relaxed manner the morals and laws of the United Kingdom, that cricket is in fact a game representative of a person's life itself. I think my Test Match of a life is doing ok, I was born in this country to a family of decent wealth, what you would call a good batting wicket. Indeed, I had the good fortune to win the toss and elected to bat first, the openers did well, a few top order wickets though came in quick succession and there was a couple of missed opportunities in the field, a few catches should have been taken which weren't, on the whole though the outfielders have done well, not too many balls leaked to the boundary. The middle order has remained resilient so far - Thursday shall be a massive day for them though, when the opposition take the new ball, with any luck they'll hold it off and create a platform for number 7 and 8 to score some fast runs before the declaration. Yes, Thursday, bloody hell I wish everyone would stop going on about blooooody Thursday. People are talking about it like they're going to be facing a fucking firing squad. For myself, I'm not too worried, I don't want to sound arrogant, I just think I've done alright that's all. Anyway, my back up plan is fantastic. If all goes down the qualification drain, I'm joining her Majesty's Navy. Few reasons behind that move...

1. Compared to the other sections of the Armed Forces, the Navy offers the most jobs which don't require qualifications.
2. I can 'live a life without limits' - although that does imply some sort of lack of structure and authority to the Navy, sounds awesome.
3. I can't join the Army because I don't want to get shot and don't like running.
4. I can't join the RAF because flying high speed Eurofighters looks scary.
5. I like boats.

That's all for now,

Tom,

P.S: Some people are absolute hypocrites, not worthy of my very precious Cricket Manager dominated time.

I dont care if I cried, not sure I've ever felt happier.

2009-08-23T19:01:00.013+01:00

I'll probably write something better tomorrow...Though I am going to this weird campout thing, anyway...Pictures are sometimes better than words/Youtube videos.

I really hope Strauss didn't eat the urn...

Super Fred...

The moment we got the last man out, do love Swann...

I'm going to pretend for a brief moment like I care about how Michael Clarke is feeling. That was sad. Now, I'm going to laugh psychotically..HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Tom,

P.S: England won by the way.
P.S.S: This is one of my few historic blog posts, WOW FUCK-ING WOW!!!!!!!

Feeling perfect.

2009-08-21T19:59:00.011+01:00

I could not be happier. Well I guess I could, but it's a sort of an unattainable rather unrealistic level of happiness, I guess Emma Watson or Keria Knightley could confess undying love to me (both would be good - or would that cause unnecessary complications?) Or I could be given a billion pounds in return for feeding Hodge every morning and evening for nearly all my life, or a large crate full of whisky could suddenly appear in front of me. As I say, I'm pretty much as happy as I can be in the real world. But why? Why are you so jubilant Tom? I hear you shriek like a fanatic banshee, I'll tell you.
The man below is the Messiah...But that's Stuart Broad!! Have I gone completely insane? Yes. Fine, I admit I've hardly been his most encouraging critic, but my God! He's 20 years old and can bowl like that????? HE KNOCKED OUT AUSTRALIA'S TOP ORDER...wait for it....BY HIMSELF, Anderson didn't even need to hold his hand. I'm not even sure if he was taking drugs, Bell was (bless him) but I didn't see Broad taking any suspicious physio delivered pills. I mean I have held a grudge against him for ages, which is probably a little unfair. He won some stupid world's sexiest cricket award and mentioned it in an interview once and I was just appalled, APPALLED, plus he made his England debut at 19, that's three years older than me, I was jealous. I can bat a tiny tiny bit better.

England have basically won the Ashes. Lets move on. I completed a two page report today, entitled: 'Why do sheep suddenly walk in straight lines and make an unnatural and somewhat unexpected level of noise?' - All because my Grandmother asked me to, I don't just feel compelled to write random reports on agriculture. However, if you want to read it, let me know and I can email it to you, presumably.

House might just be the most awesome show ever made. I was surprised to find earlier, that there's a slightly different theme tune for Europe, US and the UK, I think I prefer the UK one...Then the European. It's an amazing opening title sequence anyway, something which Lost is void of. Oh dear...Oh deary dum.

Tom,

P.S: More reasons for holding a grudge against Stuart Broad have just come flooding back to me. Twenty20 world cup, his over went for six 6's, worst you can get. He also ruined the Netherlands game by throwing like...well...like a twat.

They think it's all Oval...

2009-08-19T20:43:00.004+01:00

I couldn't resist, sorry. Very short post, I'm insanely hyper on coffee right now, 6 cups today, not that's an excuse or anything, I just want to let you know, ok??? I have problems sleeping (at night).

Tomorrow and the following 5 days are arguably the biggest in my life. I'll keep you informed on how everything goes.

Tom,

P.S: Ian Bell at 3...Oh my giddy ECB.

Skittles.

2009-08-18T13:44:00.008+01:00

Damn it, my head hurts. Ordering Spice probably isn't a good idea, but I want to try and get some before Parliament reviews it in October. Actually, I was amazed at coffeesh0p.com earlier, not only at the 'legalness' of it all but at the remarkably cheap prices and the insane advertised effects, there's even pills which make you giggle solidly for ten minutes. Wow.

For now though I am content with Skittles. Am rather chuffed, wrote nine pages to my book last night. In my latest chapter, the main character has to endure an English exercise where himself and his group fall about laughing...God, I remember that, that was awful.

Struggling to find something to write in this post... Oh wait! Yes, I'm annoyed. A friend of mine, a good friend at that, recently changed his Facebook relationship status thingy to 'It's complicated' - how much more attention seeking can you get? Annoys me...

Woah! My grandparents just arrived, how convenient. I will leave you with a video though, just because I don't think I do that much, it's hilarious, someone bring back Dead Ringers. I love 1:34, 'What are YOU doing here? You've been telling these people that you're the train guard, when really you are the master...'

Tom,

P.S: Nobody on this Earth can be trusted. As House said: 'It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.'

Damn.

2009-08-16T18:13:00.005+01:00

Bloody hell. Blooooody hell. I can't decide if today has been a good day or not, it's actually been a bit eventful. I get a phone call this morning informing me that I've been dropped from the team because I missed training, that's fine, I expected that. I was in Cornwall which did make things a tiny bit difficult but I'm well aware of Northleach's 'Well if you don't turn up to train, you don't play, humph' attitude. What I wasn't quite expecting was the news that in my place a small blond child who dons a stupid Scottish name, bowls fast for his age but is still rather slow and bats like he's taken speed, was playing (my brother). My Dad even went along to 'cheer him on' and 'take some photos'...Good. I'm not jealous at all. I'm confused, why pick him? I don't want to boast, but I'm just better, it's blatant honesty not arrogance.
However, it was in truth the correct decision to make. I can barely walk, I can hobble, limp if you will. For those who know my house, they'll presumably back me up when I say the distance between my kitchen and my bedroom isn't vast, it took me ten minutes earlier, ten fucking minutes and for once I'm not even exaggerating. I don't know what I've done to my left knee again, but it's pretty much broken even with my clumsy support in place...For God's sake I'm a cripple at 16, how is this fair? That being said, I'm almost certain it's my own doing, ever since I invented that little jump in my bowling run up when I land it puts too much strain on my leg, I bowl faster but for someone who got out of physio a few months ago it probably isn't advised. I'll stop doing that little skip, it looks a bit gay anyway.

A day at home followed - look how I make it seem like a rarity! I'm very pleased, I can play 'My Heart Will Go On' on the keyboard now and the opening to Baba O'Riley. Just want to say now, the latter of those songs is AMAAZING, the sort of amazing which requires Caps Lock and two A's. The former is just piss easy to play and is kinda nice and relaxing without the lyrics, the lyrics make me feel queasy. It's fine for say a heart transplant advert, but in any other context, no..Just no.

Hmmm...Other news...Yes, I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD, JUST GET OUT OK? GET OUT, GET OUT. Now that I've sounded like a complete schizophrenic, we'll move on. Trott's been picked for the final Ashes game...Well that's that over then. Must be something else...Oh yes, finished watching House season 2, a television show now officially as good as Lost and Peep Show.
Now for the rest of this post I'm going to talk about a song. Both versions are brilliant, the Rufus Wainright one and the Jeff Buckley, each are on my iPod anyway. It is without a doubt the most PERFECT love song ever made. Let me explain... Unlike Runaway which is just about being in love with someone, Halleujah speaks of love in all forms.

Actually being in a relationship - 'I used to live alone before I knew you '
Falling in love - 'You saw her bathing on the roof, her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you'
Affairs - 'All I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you'
Reminiscing: 'There was a time you let me know whats really going on below, but now you never show it to me, do you?'
A relationship doomed to fail - 'Remember when I moved in you; the holy dark was moving too,'

This song deals with the highs and lows of love, it combines the two complete opposites beautifully and majestically which leaves me almost mesmerised by it's beauty. Undeniably brilliant and terrifically versatile.

Tom,

P.S: It's a House and Wilson video to Hallelujah, damn why does my best friend have to be so far away?

P.S.S.: Just learnt my brother took three wickets today - I taught him everything he knows, really my three wickets.

Finally, this day has come.

2009-08-15T22:54:00.003+01:00

Firstly and most importantly, let me thank my latest loyal disciple. I knew some stranger from the world would one day sign up, I have literally no idea why you have but thank you. I've started your blog, decided to start reading from first entry to most recent and it's proving to be a pretty interesting read. Thanks again.

Moving on. Everyone seems very angry with me tonight, I think I know why. Over the past week I've decided on quite a lot, mostly concentrating on society and indeed humanity's ultimate goal of achieving happiness in at least one of it's many mysterious forms. I'm making changes to who I am and not everyone seems to be adjusting, that was to be expected though. People are just going to have to accept this is who I am now and as a consequence of the current minor changes I'm already feeling better about myself and the world.

Quick note on my holiday. I'm not going to do a day by day account (I just cant quite muster the patience required) but suffice to say photos can be found on Facebook for those who care or were more expectant of a full breakdown of events. It was good to escape from the mayhem of Northleach anyway (note to new disciple - that was sarcastic, Northleach is like a really big poorly kept care home).

Tomorrow I'll try and do a better entry, a review of one of the best books I've ever read (I hope that comment hasn't ruined my review) and I'll let you know what I make of Season 2 of House, as always, under the assumption you care.

Tom,

P.S: MY KNEE REALLY HURTS.

Tom gazed outside only to find it was raining at an alarming rate. 'Bother!' He cried, 'this is August.'

2009-08-06T16:40:00.007+01:00

I realise in my title I was referring to myself in the third person, which does seem a little odd, however it was but my cat's commentary on my life.
Attention loyal disciples! I'm going on holiday very soon and as I expect I'll be finishing House season two tomorrow, this could be the last post for an unimaginable stretch of time. I'll make it a damn good one for you.

Jonathan Trott added to the England squad? Excuse me? Trott? TROTT? TRROOOOTTTT???? Has he even played for the lions yet? Bloody hell, I'd be a better selection than TROTT! At least if the England management picked me for the fourth Ashes match tomorrow they'd get someone who can bowl a consistent length for ten minutes and someone who can perform a straight drive with such elegance it would cause most England supporters to accuse me of being a South African and pelt me with their groceries. I'm not a South African by the way. Clarification is bliss.

Gah, iTunes shuffle is simply a reflection of this dire weather, I've just had 'The Scientist' by Coldplay followed by 'We Might As Well Be Strangers' by Keane, just how much more depressing can you get? That question was rhetorical by the way, I'm not interested in comments suggesting two songs which boast in greater levels of depression.
After hours trawling on the Internet I finally found a document I had been eager to read for a while. Suffice to say, it's published by the Pentagon, involves the word 'nuclear' at least sixteen times per page and has a mammoth list of acronyms! It's proving to be a most interesting read. Watch this and giggle yourself to death...
This people is why England WILL win the Ashes:

Until next time...Presumably when I return from the mysterious Cornwall.

Tom,

P.S: iTunes has redeemed itself, 'Seven Days In The Sun' - Oh the irony!

The 150th post.

2009-08-02T17:35:00.007+01:00

I'm now going to be very childish. Would just like to let everyone know, I was the one who started this blog business, I believe Emily then took it up, then Simon...James...I lose track after that. It's the only thing I've ever started and justifiably so, I'm the first to reach 150 posts. I rather forgot about the 100th, but hey, let's make a big deal out of the 150.
In a weird, arguably pointless half an hour, I've read over every post I've made since Thursday 30th Ocober 2008.
'Hello...Is that how you start a blog? ' - EVERYONE starts off with something like that, it's a bit sad really, very unoriginal. That was from my first post, if you hadn't of already guessed, most of it was about my review of two American sitcoms, the likes of which I haven't really seen much of since. How dull.
Next post though! Woah, we tap into my personal life, which come on, let's be brutally honest here, people read other people's blogs to find out what's going on in their private lives. The other stuff is interesting, sometimes...But we all read each others blogs to find out what the person concerned is thinking about, I'm simply typing what everyone is thinking. Now that we've got that cleared up, lets all make our blogs really personal and interesting...Please.
'Though I wait anxiously on MSN for when she will appear, where upon she will angrily rip me apart with her limited yet damaging vocabulary.' - That being the first insight into my own life, I remember Angry Girl...God, she was angry.
The next post, I give you all a link to a video I made, I hadn't at this point in my life discovered Youtube's embedding features, how silly of me.
It only takes 4 posts into this blog before I rant about Ian Bell: 'Someone like Ian Bell goes and drops it (no offence Bell...but come on fielding isn't your strong point is it?)' - If anyone cares, Ian's fielding has come on leaps and bounds, sometimes literally leaps and bounds, someone give him a badge.

I like my Nintendo and France post, my own writing made me chuckle, that isn't vain at all. Woah...And then a bit later on I get a girlfriend! My pencil was burnt that day as well...If anyone cares.
I ask a lot of questions in my posts. I still don't know the answer to this one: 'Who the hell is Amjad Khan??' - I've heard rumours he's a swing bowler, but TV evidence would suggest otherwise.
Tuesday, 16th December, I FINALLY get a fucking comment, on a really crap entry. That doesn't make any sense.

OUT OF CONTEXT - Apparently Avril Lavigne isn't afraid of ANYTHING - OUT OF CONTEXT.

Anyway, that was 2008. A lot of my 2009 posts I'm actually quite positive, apart from Monday 27th April that is. My post was just a title that day, a title which read as 'ANGRY'. James, you commented on that post and asked me why I was angry, I'm sorry I didn't get back to you, I don't remember why I was in a bad mood, I'll do some thinking.
Ooo...30th April, a post-birthday entry, I don't like reading what I wrote that day.

OUT OF CONTEXT - Andrea Corr would like to love me as I love her, I think she's confused, I don't love her - OUT OF CONTEXT.

2009 sees a significant increase in the amount of times I use P.S, or P.S.S, P.S.S.S, you get the picture...

Anyway, I don't know why I started this blog. I think I just wanted a splodge on the Internet to release my thoughts in a vaguely structured form which other people would have the opportunity to read. Thank you for reading them, thank you to those who have commented, I think I speak for everyone when I say that comments really do make this whole business worthwhile, so yeah..Cheers. I'm not going to stop writing, I plan to continue for a long time yet, probably until I get to University and can't afford an Internet connection due to tuition fees...Oh wait I forget! I can get into Scottish universities free of charge...Must shut up, don't want to antagonise my dwindling disciples.
This has basically been a summary of my blog since it's birth (couldn't think of anything more interesting to write, deal with it). I'm it's Dad by the way, Mummy is Blogger, thanks Blogger. On a final note, after 150 posts, I have realised that my blog title is completely inaccurate, this is my world, but in a way it's also kinda yours...I mean, I make all the big decisions, you just get to read about it and sometimes take part...

Thanks,

Tom,

P.S: It wouldn't be right to press publish without a P.S. I can't really think of anything to include in this P.S, so watch this! I heard it on the radio the other day and it made me giggle on a HORRIBLE day, I think you should listen to it as well. It's only about 40 seconds long, probably just under the average time it takes most to read my posts, waste your life a bit more...Please. It turns out I'm not the only one taking the piss out of Belly...Belly, that's actually his nickname, HA!

People who lie to me are evil.

2009-07-28T23:27:00.003+01:00

BELL IS COMING BACK PEOPLE! BELL IS COMING BACK! Am going to buy House dvds tomorrow, from ze Internet. Hmmm....Oh yes! I plan to talk like a toff to everyone I meet for a week. That is all.

Tom,
P.S: Yeah I said I was going to do a more constructive post, I lied. HYPOCRITICAL.

I think I've got a problem.

2009-07-28T15:22:00.006+01:00

Ok, maybe more than one problem. Recently, I can't listen to a song without taking the lyrics really seriously....

1. 'Runaway' - 'I would runaway with you' - Ok super, that's lovely and everything, but where are we going? Because I'm fine if it's Germany or somewhere European, but what if it's China? What if we're running away to China?!?!?!
2. In 'Spiralling' I can't help but answer out loud the questions posed to me in the song...
Did you wanna be a winner? - Depends what in?
Did you wanna be an icon? - Sort of
Did you wanna be famous? - Not really
Did you wanna be the president? - That would mean I'd have to remove the Monarchy, that would be difficult/pointless.
Did you wanna start a war? - I have done.
Did you wanna have a family? - Nope.
Did you wanna be in love? - Is that even my choice?
3. 'Why does it always rain on me?'
'Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?' - I don't see how that would affect precipitation levels.
'Why does it always rain on me?' -I don't know, stop asking me that, maybe because you're from Glasgow?
4. I don't like song titles which tell me what/what not to do...
'Stop Crying Your Heart Out' - I'm not
'Pretend That You're Alone' - Why??
'Put it behind you' - What? And again WHY TOM CHAPLIN??? WHY?!?!???!
'Would you be happier?' - If what....?
5. And finally... WHAT THE FUCK'S A WONDERWALL?!?

I am aware that quite a few of my blog posts are just lists these days. I apologise. I think I might do a more constructive post later this evening, but for now it's time to draw up contingency plans, write and then download a demo.

Tom,
P.S: MINESWEEPER THE MOVIE

BELL IS BACK.

2009-07-27T16:04:00.008+01:00

'Bell to bat at four for England' - that headline almost made my cry, let the country rejoice! Bell is back! I mean fine he hasn't replaced Bopara, only replaced the injured Kevin Pietersen...Who is also our best batsman...4th in the world actually...Shit. BELL IS BACK.

Commander in Chief has absorbed my life, I accidentally got into a war with Iran...Now I can't really get out of it, it's really annoying especially with a fucking general election coming up. I mean why did the Iranians attack Japan? What the hell was that for? I wouldn't have cared if it was China, but the Japanese are cool, they make small shiny things for the western world. Now I'm going to have a moan (like it's something rare):
1. I don't like people who type like their fingers are half the size of the keyboard.
2. I don't like people who use the following ALL THE TIME: :D, :),:P, for fucks sake, I don't care what facial expression you may or may not be donning in reflection to the conversation. I for one only use emoticons when words fail me, that's what they're there for, right?
3. I strongly dislike people who call at my house every day and make me feel guilty when I make up stories about being busy catsitting.
4. I don't like people who criticise my Government. They don't like me either. The feeling is justifiably mutual.

Now I'm going to write until...Dinner.

Tom,

P.S: CLOVERFIELD IS AWESOME.
P.S.S: I really, really, really hope Massa lives and is able to race in F1 again. Worrying times indeed.

Wow! Life is great!!!

2009-07-25T18:31:00.006+01:00

I'm not even being sarcastic with my title, life is actually really good at the moment, I'm in a super mood. Let's start with the biggest news, Hampshire won the Friends Provident Trophy final at Lord's, SAFUHASUDIHGASDFSGADYUGSA...That was me being sick with joy. For those who don't know, I support Hampshire, numerous reasons, my Grandad did, they were the first team I ever saw play and they're just awesome. Anyway, they won the FP trophy today, which by the way Simon is roughly the equivalent of the FA cup in Cricket terms. I'm really pleased, the team needed this win to give them a lift of confidence, Hampshire are a top quality side, just keep on coming mid-table in everything, never first, just 5th...Which is good, but not best.

Moving on... I won the Drama prize in Speech Day, which is sort of a good thing. It's pretty annoying in some ways, Speech Day is so unbelievably dull and tiresome and it would be nice to just take the afternoon off like the majority. However, I know when the Drama bunch find out I've won they'll all be pissed off with me, which is cool, I see it as twisted revenge for the torment they made me endure.

Had Sebery round the past couple of days, which has been nice, managed to film some of the sitcom. Bloody hell can that boy talk though, by about four in the morning I was just nodding and repeating 'Oh that's awful' in desperation, a load of Chinooks flew over my house at 3am as well, I was bemused. I can't complain though, we both had a laugh and a little too much alcohol, he even left his cake behind! I've eaten it all now, if he comes back asking for it I'll just claim it doesn't exist and that he's going mad, it worked for his Ace Combat game.

In other news, isn't it funny how quick people can change? Not only real people, even AI people leave me stunned sometimes. I've got a 99% approval rating on Commander In Chief at the moment, 99% of the British population love me, I haven't even done anything major yet, only lowered the voting age to 16, got a load of celebs on my side and reduced the VAT level to 0. I think the killer move was scrapping Wine tax, it made everyone so happy, was quite an emotional moment for me. The weather has also been super today! Played some garden cricket with Campbell and almost melted it was so hot, it's really weird for this country (I say that as if I'm talking to a bunch of foreigners) but it's like someones left a heater on somewhere.

Finally...Printed off some of my book, fairly pleased with it, found a great band: The DuckWorth Lewis Method, EVERYONE should go check them out, the Beatles Rockband game looks so fucking amazing I might just EXPLODE, it's a Rockband game but all BEATLES!?!?!?! JUST HOW AWESOME CAN A GAME GET BEFORE IT BECOMES ILLEGAL??... I shall ask my chief adviser on Commander In Chief, a funny little woman with a huge necklace.

Tom,

P.S: If Muse do the best instrumentals, Snow Patrol do the best lyrics. Listen to 'How to be dead', it's a song which is essentially a script between the singer and his girlfriend concerning drugs or something, sounds depressing but I just think it's really beautiful...The song that is, not the drugs.

Ha.

2009-07-20T11:03:00.003+01:00

Yeah I heard this on the radio the other day, made me giggle, thought I'd share it. In other news, I finished another of those God awful Georgia Nicolson books, I'd like to point out now, I'm borrowing them from a friend, I would never spend money on those books. Must admit they are quite funny, but if all girls think like that and are so make up/breast size obsessed...I'm scared. Now reading a hilarious book entitled 'How to beat the Australians.'

Tom,

P.S: I got skyplayer to work!!!! Just watched Flintoff take the wicket of Haddin IN MY ROOM!!!!! HAPPINESS.
P.S.S: I hate you. And you...And probably you.

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams....

2009-07-19T23:39:00.003+01:00

Is such an awesome song my brain might actually explode at it's awesomeness. BLIMEY HAS IT ALL BEEN KICKING OFF TODAY!?!?!?!?!? I am living in a teen drama, I am, there are hidden cameras somewhere and I'll find them, you hear that E4!!! I'll find you. Let me explain, England are THRASHING Australia, it's been as difficult as stamping on an ant, something I've always found remarkably easy (apologies for those out there who haven't had the same success as me). Anyway yes, the teen drama stuff, the most inseparable of couples self detonated today in quite dramatic fashion, it reminded me of the scene from Cloverfield when the helicopters are crashing, it actually did. Young love is futile people. In the overwhelming majority of cases it's about as AVOID AT ALL COSTS as infuriating the Chinese military by sending them rogue missiles...Bad times on Commander in Chief there, bad times. Why the hell did I send those missiles? What the fuck was I thinking? Gah...Looking after the country was getting boring I suppose, wanted to spice things up a bit, by the way people I want to be a political adviser when I'm older, ho-hum.

Someone offered to go see Harry Potter with me today, thanks but no thanks. Emma Watson kisses that ginger kid apparently and there's only so much torment I can take.
I did agree to go to this camp out thing though, that should be amazing, I've never camped out anywhere before but I do have a tent, which I bought a couple of years ago because I had money and felt compelled by it's shininess to spend it. Thankfully, it's in sad little Northleach, I can't actually go anywhere since my Dad's car exploded. It did explode. That's not an exaggeration....Ok maybe a bit. Yesterday, I went to the Cirencester, on the way back my Dad's car's exhaust fell off, it was horrible, I almost choked to death. The RAC would take another 2 hours apparently (it ended up more like 3 and a half) it was five miles to Northleach. I walked. There are some things in life you regret, that decision of mine is right up there. It ended up being over 6 miles as I got a little lost in a forest (sounds absurd, it happened) and overshot Northleach. The logical thing to do would have just been to follow the road back home, but I was carrying two Tescos bags full of ice cream and other frozen goods which 'Needed to get home before it melted.' I thought at the time it would be quicker to cut across country and avoid the weird looks. I made it though - just.

IF YOU'RE READING THIS DAWN...AND YOU SAID YOU DID FAVOURITE IT, WHY NOT JUST BECOME A FOLLOWER? ANYWAY, DON'T YOU DARE KILL YOURSELF OR I'LL...BE UPSET.

Tom,

I was sick today but....

2009-07-17T21:30:00.011+01:00

I watched Independence Day yesterday. I feel so bad doing it, but it had to be done, ID fell behind Stranger Than Fiction in my 'Favourite Films' list. I used to love the film so much and I still do...In places. July 2nd is the best day in the film, but the plot is just so flawed it's ridiculous, obviously all these undeniable faults just slipped by when I was 12, but now they just explode out at me like...Well like the giant city wrecking explosions. Firstly, the Alien Fighter thing which Captain Hiller brings down is CONSIDERABLY smaller than it's supposedly identical counterpart in Area 51. Secondly, David uploads a virus made by himself into the Alien mother ship thus bringing down all the relevant ship's shields below. Given the Alien's clearly superbly advanced technology it baffles me how it was broken down by a late 90's made computer virus. Seriously, this is what really gets me, how could one computer virus just knock down everything like that? Reserve shields anyone? Then of course the nuke goes off and destroys the entire mother ship, one atomic bomb just about managed to wipe out the city of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. With that WW2 fact in mind consider this...It was made clear at the start of the film that from this mother ship 'several dozen' space craft each fifteen miles in width were dispatched, I'm not denying that a nuke would somewhat damage the mother ship, but completely destroy it in the manner shown in the film? Surely not. It is also made clear that each one of the Alien pilot's bodies are covered in a protective suit, yet Hiller manages to just throw one of them a single punch knocking it clean unconscious??? Followed by the extremely corny line of 'Welcome to Earth,' followed by the worst in the whole film: 'Now that's what I call a close encounter.'

I could keep going on the ID front, like how the hell do they manage to keep an explosion sustained for that long? But it's time to move on, it feels wrong criticising my 2nd favourite film. Toooooday I got around to listening to The Pigeon Detectives first album Wait For Me. Errrggg....I just can't decide if it's good or not, it's possibly one of the hardest decisions of my whole life and one I have to make. It's good in the sense that the songs, especially the singles are just so catchy to the point where you find yourself singing them whilst doing the washing up. 'I'm Not Sorry' got so stuck in my head earlier that I just ended up screaming 'GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD!!!' Much to the understandable confusion if not worry of my brother. The bad side to the Pigeon Detectives is that they just sound like a bunch of Football fans who've had decent guitar lessons and been rudely rounded up after watching a 'game' whilst in a slightly drunken state. For example in the song 'Take Her Back' the lead singer (if you can call him that) just shouts...

He’s not sure what he should do
She’s 17 he’s 22
Is that too much of a difference?

To which I just found myself yelling back: 'Yes it is!' This is the thing though, the clue is in the band's name really, 'The Pigeon Detectives' Pigeons don't exactly inspire me, yet like the band's songs they just get everywhere and I'd probably miss them secretly if they were hunted to extinction.

On a more positive note: I LOVE SNOW PATROL'S FINAL STRAW ALBUM!!!! And I'm starting to like Green Day, what the hell is happening to me? Don't answer that please. Qucik note on the second Ashes match, England did so well today I almost fainted.

Tom,

Exhausted...

2009-07-15T23:14:00.012+01:00

Bloooody hell. Why doesn't the Yahoo toolbar fucking work?? Look at this...

1 mail?? I think not. Either the Yahoo toolbar is stuck in the past/future or it's just broken, I hate toolbars.

I shouldn't be here right now, I should be back at my proper HOME...GAHHHH!!!! I could fix my grandparent's roof, but I'm not to be trusted apparently. That's just a crap excuse, nobody trusts me with anything, I literally have to be in the company of an adult when it comes to making me some toast. Doesn't bother me, not a big toast fan. I DON'T HAVE ONE NEW MAIL!!! LEAVE ME ALONE TOOLBAR!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Oh bugger. I think I just accidentally sent an email to someone in my keyboard mashing fit. Damn, damn damn...Ah she won't mind...Probably...I dunno getting a blank email would be pretty creepy, especially from someone you haven't spoken to properly for about a year. I'll just blame the cat. When I say 'spoken to properly', well firstly that doesn't make much grammatical sense, but I don't mean that we speak regularly and I just garble random words at her, though that has happened, she's just part of the whole 'Non meaningful conversationalist' club.

Lot's of people post lyrics on their blogs, well check out this NONSENSE! Literally one of the best songs ever made, twisted, insane and undeniably scary...

Idioteque - Radiohead:

Who's in a bunker?
Who's in a bunker?
Women and children first
And the children first
And the children
I'll laugh until my head comes off
I'll swallow till I burst
Until I burst

Ice age coming
Ice age coming
Throw them in the fire
Throw them in the fire
Throw them in the...

Just sort of goes on like that for a while. I love Radiohead, so creepy and messed up yet beautiful, like China. Oh yes people! This kid's finally lost it, in reference to the title, didn't sleep last night and went on a three mile walk earlier. It was good, I decided on so much, sometimes it's good to just walk aimlessly. NOW I'M HYPED, which has it's pros and cons, I'll have to live out another day off coffee (that being a con), a pro being I can just...BE HYPED.

Tom,

P.S: I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING NEW EMAIL!!! LEAVE ME ALONE YAHOO TOOLBAR!!! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU.
P.S.S: You may need to click on the picture (thus giving you a larger view) to see what I'm harking on about.
P.S.S.S: How have I not mentioned Flintoff? Our best player retiring after this summer..and I thought this team was screwed up enough.
P.S.S.S.S: NOW MY IGOOGLE HOME PAGE IS MUCKED UP? WHAT ZE HELL IS GOING ON?

House.

2009-07-12T13:36:00.003+01:00

If anyone made it to the end of that last post, please don't get me sectioned, please don't, I've got things to do. Well that's a lie, my to-do list is dwindling somewhat.
1.Be happy
2. Write
3. No...I mean it, WRITE your sodding book.
And my life is pretty much hell bent on following that list to the letter. I keep on seeing House being advertised on Sky so decided to be a little bit illegal and watch a couple of episodes from the first series the other day. It is AMAZING. For those who don't know, it's about this doctor and his team of staff who deal with illnesses which are to say the least: out of the ordinary. House the lead character is played by Hugh Laurie, his acting is phenomenal, especially considering he acts the whole thing in an extremely convincing American accent. It's the character himself though which makes the show brilliant to watch, House is literally the most sarcastic, cynical and downright twisted character I've ever come across, I actually have more sympathy towards Darth Vader than House. His sarcastic comments on pretty much everything happening around him are just so amusing though

Nothing else to say...Going to watch Independence Day and then England's dismal slide into unavoidable defeat.

My faith in MSN has been restored.

2009-07-12T13:31:00.003+01:00

This has nothing to do with cricket. England are rubbish. Next. Literally one of the best conversations I've ever had with quite possibly my best friend, read and be enteratined.
Ollie Beaney says:
WHAT
Ollie Beaney says:
THE
Ollie Beaney says:
FUCK
Ollie Beaney says:
BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!
Ollie Beaney says:
shit tom this is fucking serious
Ollie Beaney says:
youtube is DOWN!!!!
Ollie Beaney says:
you there?
Ollie Beaney says:
ok, it's back now
Tom says:
Sorry I was having lunch
Ollie Beaney says:
no worries
Tom says:
How long was it this time?
Ollie Beaney says:
about half an hour
Tom says:
Shit
Tom says:
I'm sorry, I should have been here
Ollie Beaney says:
it's ok
Ollie Beaney says:
we took many, many casualties
Tom says:
Morale is low
Tom says:
We need something to happen
Ollie Beaney says:
we must keep up a strong defensive
Tom says:
I think I might have to write a letter
Ollie Beaney says:
or the nazis could come in
Tom says:
Hold the line, you did a good job back there, the men appreciate it
Ollie Beaney says:
I have seen such pain
Ollie Beaney says:
the screams will haunt me
Tom says:
You've got to stay strong Ollie
Tom says:
For the country, for your family
Ollie Beaney says:
one of them just wanted to see a kitten trying to stand up!
Ollie Beaney says:
BUT HE COULDNT!
Tom says:
Oh God...
Ollie Beaney says:
OH GOD, THE MAINTINENCE MESSAGE!
Tom says:
What!??!?!
Ollie Beaney says:
We are currently performing site maintenance. Please be patient - we'll be back shortly.
Ollie Beaney says:
jesus christ, we're surrounded
Tom says:
This is Youtube agian right?
Ollie Beaney says:
Yes
Ollie Beaney says:
oh god
Ollie Beaney says:
what if the nazis have taken youtube
Tom says:
They've broken through
Tom says:
What do we have in reserve????
Tom says:
WHAT DO WE HAVE IN RESERVE
Ollie Beaney says:
MAN THE HARPOONS!
Tom says:
It's too late for that
Tom says:
For fucks sake, get out of there, theres nothing more you can do
Ollie Beaney says:
http://www.gataxsales.com/Pics/Man_the_Harpoons.jpg
Ollie Beaney says:
no
Ollie Beaney says:
we must stay and fight
Tom says:
It's useless
Ollie Beaney says:
when the enemies forces come over the mountain and down through the valley
Ollie Beaney says:
we must stay
Ollie Beaney says:
and fight
Ollie Beaney says:
never surrender
Ollie Beaney says:
never compromise
Ollie Beaney says:
even in the face of armageddon
Tom says:
No...You're right
Ollie Beaney says:
stay with me
Ollie Beaney says:
and man the harpoons
Tom says:
We've gone through too much to just fall back
Ollie Beaney says:
yes
Ollie Beaney says:
we will stay
Ollie Beaney says:
and fight!
Ollie Beaney says:
to the death!
Tom says:
to the death
Ollie Beaney says:
i can see them!
Ollie Beaney says:
they're coming!
Ollie Beaney says:
oh god
Ollie Beaney says:
there's thousands!
Ollie Beaney says:
OPEN FIAH!!!!!!!
Tom says:
we can buy the women and children time
Tom says:
give them hell
Ollie Beaney says:
*fires harpoons*
Tom says:
*wonders if we could be using something more effective than harpoons*
Ollie Beaney says:
jesus christ
Tom says:
*shrugs and fires anyway*
Ollie Beaney says:
they just keep coming
Tom says:
We cant keep this up...
Ollie Beaney says:
we must try
Ollie Beaney says:
they're gaining ground!
Ollie Beaney says:
i think...
Tom says:
where the hell are they all coming from?????
Ollie Beaney says:
we may have to use...
Ollie Beaney says:
the final option
Ollie Beaney says:
http://sinth.info/pix/low%20orbit%20ion%20cannon.jpg
Tom says:
No...
Ollie Beaney says:
destroy the land, destroy ourselves, but stopping them
Ollie Beaney says:
we cant keep them away
Tom says:
Surely not?
Tom says:
How many harpoons have we got left?
Ollie Beaney says:
they just keep marching forwards
Ollie Beaney says:
less than 9000
Ollie Beaney says:
they're gaining ground fast!
Tom says:
We only use the cannon when we're out of harpoons
Tom says:
that was the agreement
Ollie Beaney says:
sir! we have to use the cannon now!
Tom says:
NO
Ollie Beaney says:
they will have gotten past our defences by the time we have run out of harpoons!
Tom says:
I will not risk our supply of rice!
Tom says:
Are you sure there is no other way?
Ollie Beaney says:
just think about all this time we've spent talking and not firing the harpoons
Tom says:
oh god
Ollie Beaney says:
they're at the river!
Ollie Beaney says:
they're just going straight through it
Tom says:
Alright...Complete me a risk assesment on the enemy forces
Ollie Beaney says:
sir, give me authority to fire the cannon
Tom says:
Then...Use the canoon
Tom says:
*cannon
Ollie Beaney says:
I shall radio through now
Tom says:
Good job
Ollie Beaney says:
*Begin radio transmission*
enemy forces took youtube by force, they came down through googe valley and accross freedom of speech planes. We have tried to hold them off at the edge of eCommerce mountains, the only known path through to MSN city, but we are fast running out of harpoons. They are gaining ground fast and just crossed the bittorrent river.
Ollie Beaney says:
To stop the advance of the e-nazis, we are going to use the Low Orbit Ion Cannon. It shall destroy our great nation, and everyone in it. But it will anihalate their forces also
Ollie Beaney says:
It has been an honour
Ollie Beaney says:
*end transmission*
Ollie Beaney says:
ok, transmission sent
Tom says:
Look...Just wait
Tom says:
Do you remember what impact this will have on IE?
Ollie Beaney says:
starting cannon firing preperation procedure
Ollie Beaney says:
I know, IE will be wiped off the map
Tom says:
And firefox?
Ollie Beaney says:
but if the e-nazis take over IE, then there will be nothing left to protect Firefox or opera
Ollie Beaney says:
they have already conqured google chrome!
Tom says:
IE will have to be a sarcrifce,
Ollie Beaney says:
it must be done
Tom says:
It will buy us time
Tom says:
Firefox must not fall
Ollie Beaney says:
it will wipe us off the map, but save the others
Tom says:
I'm going to change server now
Tom says:
Go ahead
Ollie Beaney says:
no!
Ollie Beaney says:
i need you to be here with me
Ollie Beaney says:
we fought this togeather!
Ollie Beaney says:
dont leave now!
Tom says:
I can't...I need to get out
Tom says:
I'm sorry
Tom says:
*salutes*
Ollie Beaney says:
*salutes*
Ollie Beaney says:
the cannon is charged
Ollie Beaney says:
i suggest you change now sir
Ollie Beaney says:
i shall stay here and fire the cannon
Ollie Beaney says:
and..... perish
Tom says:
I've left IE
Tom says:
Do it!
Ollie Beaney says:
*presses button*
Ollie Beaney says:
look! in the sky!
Ollie Beaney says:
you can see it building mass
Ollie Beaney says:
oh god, the noise is horrible
Ollie Beaney says:
i can feel the heat building
Ollie Beaney says:
here it comes
Tom says:
Get your head down! For God's sake
Tom says:
Don't look at the light
Ollie Beaney says:
oh god....
Ollie Beaney says:
WHAT
Ollie Beaney says:
THE
Ollie Beaney says:
FUCK
Ollie Beaney says:
BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!
Tom says:
Ollie...?
Ollie Beaney says:
oh arhalufihl oufglIQUGF

I'm going to have to kill myself...

2009-07-09T20:22:00.004+01:00

For a variety of reasons, not going to publish all of them on the Internet, but there are indeed many reasons behind my way of thinking. One I am comfortable talking about is simply because the sign on my wall is telling me to kill myself. Ok, England haven't actually lost yet, but it's the end of day 2 of the first game, Australia: 200 and something for 1. The only loss being of Phil Hughes, like that's a surprise, ahhh our inept bowling attack frustrates me ridiculously. I told the national selector and even Giles Clarke the head of the ECB in an email to them earlier that I am up for selection, I can make it to Cardiff before things become an absolute crisis, can bowl something which vaguely resembles an off cutter ...And once took a diving catch. It's England's loss, not mine. Ultimately though I blame this sodding pitch the Welsh have made, Christ it's turning at right angles for Nathan Hauritz???? What sort of insane cricket pitch making practices do they conduct down in the valleys?

Have had a lovely day today, saw a good friend earlier which was nice, apart from on the way back home, where I was actually attacked by a paedofile. Ok he didn't really attack me, just wondered if I wanted a lift to Northleach, I didn't, I like walking. ANOTHER 'friend' of mine has seriously pissed me off though, third time in 2 months he's cancelled meeting me for girlfriend related reasons, grrrrrrr. I'm actually growling.

Now to find train tickets to Cardiff...

Tom,

Everything is going to be fine.

2009-07-07T16:03:00.010+01:00

In these testing times of both international and national pressure applied to England's representatives of the sport of Cricket I feel that I, a fan and spectator, most contribute in some way. Show my support. Spur the team on.
I made this banner:

I can't actually bothered to write about the Ashes 2005. It was amazing, even my mother was found to be watching it through sheer excitement, everyone should see it. I saw the 5 disk Ashes box set in HMV the other day for £3.99 as a special offer, that's an insane price, I bought mine for £30!!!
I like this video, I don't understand why the musics so depressing though, perhaps it was made from an Australian perspective? I think it's Evanscene...Someone confirm that for me please.

Very annoyingly, Brett Lee is injured. I wouldn't even have cared that much if he had taken a hat full of English wickets, he's an inspirational bowler and a joy to watch. Lets hope he's ready for Lord's.
Gosh I can't believe it's tomorrow!!!! Err...Must distract myself from overpowering depression and the thought of the Ashes, SIMS 3.

Tom,
P.S: My banner looks a little bit like the work of a drunk. I was.

2 DAYS.

2009-07-06T15:36:00.003+01:00

I think I said I was going to do an Ashes 2005 review today, I'll do that tomorrow, for now I'm going to have a look over both the Australian and English squads. I will deliberately ignore the players who haven't been picked and should have been (HARMISON) because that's just pointless now, we must make do with what we have.

AUSTRALIA:
Phil Hughes - I don't really know much about this guy, but he looks like he has the potential to be pretty damn scary. That being said HARMISON bounced him out twice in the warm up game, clearly has a problem with the short ball but clearly doesn't considering he was brought up on Australian wickets, an interesting one to watch.
Simon Katich - Australia's best opening batsman. Compared to 2005 where he just looked hopeless to the swinging ball, since Langer's retirement he's definitely stepped up a level a level which is genuinely terrifying.
Ricky Ponting - HELP.
Michael Clarke - This will be hard one to get out, no doubt about that, has an annoyingly successful record against England, sort of the exciting flourishing young New South Welsh man before the wall of Hussey.
Michael Hussey - HELP.
Marcus North - Hahahahahhahahahhahaha.
Bradd Haddin - A fair enough replacement of the world's best Wicket Keeper, but nothing special.
Mitchell Johnson - If he gets it right - HELP.
Brett Lee - Really hope he isn't injured, really want to see him play, fantastic bowler to watch.
Peter Siddle/Stuart Clark - Both pretty useless.
Nathan Hauritz - I'm told he's a spin bowler...I don't think he is...Nah he's not a spin bowler.

ENGLAND:
Andrew Strauss - Will not survive.
Alastair Cook - Just about survive.
Ravi Bopara - 50/50.
Kevin Pietersen - A survivor.
Paul Collingwood - A survivor. - GOSH LOOK AT OUR MIDDLE ORDER.
Andrew Flintoff - A survivor.
Matt Prior - 50/50.
Stuart Broad - Not a chance.
Graham Swann - 50/50.
Graham Onions - I can just see him getting hit all around the field for boundaries, falling to his knees and mumbling to Strauss the captain 'Go on without me...'
James Anderson - Just about survive.

Yeah...I think Australia MIGHT just have this one.

Enough cricket. Today has been quite a good day so far, I watched Cloverfield earlier which gets better every time, I now understand their complicated relationship set up!!!! Rob and Beth were together but then this guy called Travis (lol) came along and 'stole' her, Rob hasn't been very happy since, buuuut they slept with each other a week or so before this party, Jason is with Lilly...Until he dies. WAHEY! I got there. Erg...La Roux are on the radio, why is that woman screaming at me??? She has such a tinny voice, it upsets me. Now I must deliver several well executed 'excuses' to one of my closest friends...This should be fun.

Tom,

Sims 3 and the Ashes 2006/07.

2009-07-05T13:02:00.008+01:00

I was forced to leave my house yesterday, was not best pleased. A friend I know was having an emotional trauma or something, nobody else was around so it was left to me to comfort her, all I really did was nod a lot and say 'Shit that's awful,' but hey it got me the Sims 3 and I get the small satisfaction that I was apparently helpful!!!!! Sims 3 doesn't work on her computer, so it's mine and it just about performs. The game play itself runs pretty smoothly, I mean it's not perfect and the game likes to have a minor fit whenever the Sim version of myself meets someone new but I only see this as an accurate reflection of real life, congratulations EA. Loading times are ridiculous however, it takes about fifteen minutes to load, 15 MINUTES, I could actually hunt a rabbit and skin the thing in that time. The game itself though is pretty impressive, more meaningful than Sims 2 where you realised after 2 weeks you were spending so many hours of your free time telling this guy to take a shower yet Sims 3 still boasts charm and sophistication. No longer do you have to call a really fat taxi if you want to go anywhere, simply leave your house and wonder around the 'neighbourhood', hell I even got Sim Tom to walk to a stadium and watch a football match, he enjoyed it...apparently. The personality aspect has been greatly modified now, you can chose from literally hundreds of different personality traits, ranging from evil to clumsy to book worm. It's just better.

Geoff Miller didn't listen to my words or warning last post, he picked Onions, what a fool. OK I said I'd review the Ashes 2006/07 in Australia today. I remember we bought Sky simply for the Ashes that winter under the basis that given the amazing series beforehand we couldn't miss this, well we were wrong...Firstly I did miss most of it, I tried staying up all night, I really did, I just don't have it in me. There isn't much to review, we should have beaten Australia in the second test if it wasn't for Giles dropping catches everywhere, but it really just boils down to the fact they had the best cricket team the world has ever known, we had a mostly injured second rate outfit. No really, they did have the best team the world has ever known, the greatest leg spinner Shane Warne, greatest wicket keeper Adam Gilchrist, greatest seam bowler Glen McGrath, greatest opening partnership Hayden and Langer, it just clicked for them. A bit like the 20's everyone just sort of forgot about World War One, it didn't happen, it was too awful, never forget people, never forget.

I know I use a lot of videos in my blog, but the above really does just sum everything up. 'When you try your best but you don't succeed' - sigh.
Damn...I love cricket too much, I have to become a cricket journalist at some point in my life, I already have established contacts in that area, it has to happen. I'm going to be really angry towards the Australians for a while to come this year, I like them really, they have a beautiful country and it would be a dream to live there for my gap year or something? Sounds like a plan...

Tom,

4 days to go...

2009-07-04T16:39:00.007+01:00

Until the most exciting event of my life...? No probably not my life, that's a little bit too far. However, I like every England and Australian cricket fan have been waiting for Wednesday since 2005.

For all those silly people out there I'll VERY briefly explain the Ashes, I really can't be bothered to go into detail, Wiki it if you care that much.
1. England lost to Australia in...1882 I think, the press hailed this as the death of English cricket, someone burnt the stumps and placed the ASHES in a small urn.
2. Every four years England and play Australia play each other to win these ASHES.
3. It's 5 matches, so best out of 5 wins.
4. A 5 match tournament is played in England, then next year one of equal length will be played in Australia just to be fair.
5. It's important because of it's history and national pride related matters
6. Well known to be an intensely fought contest.

That being said, England lost the last series in Australia 5-0, before that we won in 2005 2-1 though, WOW MCWOW.

That's some official promotional video. WATCH IT SIMON AND YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHY I'VE BEEN GOING ON ABOUT THIS FOR FOUR YEARS.
Anyway, tomorrow I shall review the last series in Australia amongst other things. Monday, review the 2005 series. Tuesday the players. Before I leave the world of English-Australian rivalry, if you're reading this Geoff Miller head of selectors, firstly I think you're a tosser, secondly PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DONT PICK ONIONS!!!! He's another bowler with a silly name and Harmison is just better, forget Brisbane, we all make mistakes, sure he bowled the widest ball ever recorded but you know...It was hot that day.
Come to think about it I don't actually have anything else to write. Still haven't left the house, still haven't seen anyone for the 6th day running now, still not MENTAL!

Tom,
P.S: I do find Flintoff's eye twich rather amusing.
P.S.S: I think this might be quite a poorly written post but I don't have the time to edit these things.
P.S.S.: Must finsih my Valkyrie video review!

Cloverfield review.

2009-07-02T19:35:00.001+01:00

This took me a verrry long time and was largely based on my last post.

Tom,

I hate crane flies.

2009-07-01T23:10:00.012+01:00

Sorry, I just think it sounds silly saying 'daddy long legs', no...That's ridiculous, who the hell came up with that? I have not taken one step outside since...Well since the induction days, yet there are thousands of these things flying around my fucking face, I don't appreciate it. I say I haven't been outside in two days, nor have I spoken to anyone but my Mother/Brother face to face, I believe this is a good thing though...I'm now of the opinion that it is easier for me to stay mute, I am a social freak, must remain in my compound.

I am aware that this isolation from the world might eventually drive me to unfortunate insanity, this is just something I'll have to deal with though. Actually I think I am mental, I keep on hearing this fan like noise...But I don't know where it's coming from, starting to bother me, maybe insanity is a good thing, might spice up my life a touch. So, considering I am blatantly ignoring the nice weather, what have I been doing? Oh actually before I reveal, yes this 'nice weather' I don't think it's nice at all, all I'm hearing is how burnt everyone gets, stay inside people, inside is cooler, just as light and safe. There's a SponegBob episode where SpongeBob has a skiing accident or something stupid and forces himself to live inside, it has inspired me. I even missed cricket training.

So yes, I've watched a few SpongeBob episodes, it's pretty entertaining. I've also been doing a lot of film watching, I've watched TITANIC TWICE!!!! Yes twice!!!!!! I don't really know why...It's only a good film after the iceberg scene really, but yeah I watched it literally back to back. Also saw Cloverfield!!!! FUCKING HELL!!!!!! Oh let's review Cloverfield!

Cloverfield. If you don't know already (you should do) it's a JJ Abrams (LOST/Star Trek) sci-fi horror film all filmed through one guys perspective through his camcorder. This is a nice touch, it makes the film far more real thus more believable, but it is soooooooo ANNOYING!!! I'll explain later. The film starts of at this guy's goodbye party, for some reason man 1 is filming it all, a little scary... Anyway, the film puts so much emphasis on allowing the audience to understand who's going out with who, who's been out with who, who's screwing who behind who's back that it just becomes confusing, I think I understood that Beth and Jason were together but his brother Rob also liked Beth or something...Anyway it's all filmed by this crazy dude. THEN...The film picks up really quickly, loads of shit happens really fast and it's all a bit WOAH LETS JUST CALM DOWN SHALL WE???? But it doesn't, it gets more and mental until man 1 is raped by these little aliens in a scary tunnel but they make a funny noise so it's all cool.
So yeah, the handheld camera business. Unlike a proper film, there's no epic camera shots, man 1's camera skills steadily improve over the course of events which is surprising considering the amount of crap going on around him, seriously man 2 rescuing Beth from a lopsided skyscraper...No...Just no. Man 1 does however have an unhealthy fascination with the camcorder's zoom button which I believe needs to be treated. All being said, it is a pretty good film - watch it.

Now for Titanic. Everyones seen it havent they? Do I need to review this? This silly American guy who spends most of his time spitting and drawing naked French women manages by some bizzare miracle to 'win the heart' of this stuck up ginger girl. They have sex in a car...Or I think they have sex, that's all a bit ambiguous to be honest, but anyway there's the whole hand sliding down the window thing which is probably just symbolism for the ship sinking...Oh and beforehand they go and stand at the front of the ship and make out which sorry, it's lovely, but just dangerous.
Anywaaaay, this whole silly love story lasts about 2 hours, it's pretty tedious and unrealistic but then the ship hits a fucking iceberg!!!!! It's all a bit sad but amazingly well filmed, 1912 hats off to James Cameron there. That's the film. Go see it and cry.

Good news guys, my faith in chat rooms has been restored. There are nice people on there you just have to wade through the paedos and advertising recruitment people until you reach them... I met this girl from Finland...I can't remember her name, but were now talking on MSN, she scares me. She's not a paedo, she's just toooo much like me, were both complaining about the French and the pressures of western society on adolescents, trust me she's a miserable sod. She said I looked like a hobbit as well...Which I don't understand because apart from the curly hair I don't...I don't. That's just silly. But hey-ho another person I will never actually meet I can add to the 'Foreigners' category on MSN.

Tomorrow will be much like today! YAY FOR CONSISTENCY!

Tom,

Oh F**k.

2009-06-30T23:55:00.001+01:00

Oh f**k noodles...... I don't really know how to say how I feel right now so you know I'll just fill up this space with some dots.......................look at them go.........................

Tom,

P.S: My previous post sounded like I was a little high, I actually wasn't, I was drunk, not high though, BIG difference.

Why my life has to be turned to a worship of the pig of happiness.

2009-06-29T18:40:00.003+01:00

Well today was fun, I did some stuff and it was fun, therefore I am in a fun mood, wahey! What shall I do? I don't know, maybe I could eat some more hula hoops or get some cheese, maybe I could drink more cider, look at the possibilities children, look at all of them...

Well, I do wonder.

Tom,

I really hope 2012 doesn't happen, I have things to do.

2009-06-26T20:42:00.007+01:00

I've never openly appreciated the corridor before. The corridor is a cricket blog written by Will Luke a cricket journalist who works for Cricinfo, I don't care how sad this sounds but it actually brightens up my mornings. You see I no longer have to go find his blog online, whenever he makes a post I get it in my inbox the next morning. I'm also a big fan of this particular blog because I a while ago now wrote to Will concerning cricket journalism as a career, he gave me lots of insightful advice and advised to get in touch sometime in the future, which I probably will actually...
ANYWAAAAY, his latest post in my inbox made me chuckle...
'Yeah, so Michael Jackson’s dead. Why isn’t the world talking about the big news of the day, that Nathan Hauritz - Australia’s only specialist spinner - was carted all around Hove like a rag doll in a strong breeze?'

I actually watched the Jackson story when it first broke, that being at 11:24ish pm, it made rather crazy viewing... The BBC (God bless them) were claiming he had suffered a heart attack but was ok, CNN were reporting that the poor sod was in a comma whilst Sky being Sky were just going with 'He's dead.' I've never really liked Jackson's work, but blimey!!! He's reached number 4 in the singles chart, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and 10 in the albums chart... Meanwhile the music video chart is just Jackson, Jackson and a bit more Jackson with a touch of Lady Gaga thrown in...Silly woman. The man must be up there with the likes of Presley and The Beatles.

EVERYBODY must see Valkyrie, I personally saw it the other day with Fothergill, the best war film ever made...Well maybe not, I'm still unsure over that. But it certainly is worth seeing even if you're not into history or the Nazi's, which to be fair not many people are, still worth watching. Keeping on the film front, the trailer below looks to be the MOST MENTAL FILM EVER MADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's directed by the guy who made Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, which by the way are another two superb films, however I can't help but feel that this director just thrives of the mass exectuion of...well...everyone.

Just to confirm: yes that is the VATICAN falling over and yes that is A BLOODY AIRCRAFT CARRIER SMASHING INTO THE WHITE HOUSE.

Tom,

Is this my longest entry? - Dedicated followers will research.

2009-06-20T22:15:00.007+01:00

I'm fed up of people or companies telling me what to do, what to think, what to eat, who to like, who to hate etc..ETC... For example, I've just noticed how littered Facebook is with advertising and look how clever they've been, using some magic piece of software they've managed to tap into my own personal interests and exploit them, 'Play cricket, coach cricket and attend cricket academies in Australia and New Zealand.' - No I don't want to, go away, that idea sounds crap, it would be far too hot and the Australians would hit me, call me a homosexual and lob fruit at me for being a pom.

I mean lets take the most recent advert I've seen, DFS are passionate about sofas and want me to be as well, I'm sorry I've tried, but I'm not feeling any passion towards my own sofa or those shown in the advertisement. How can anyone be passionate about sofas? 'Saying that we are passionate about seeing small businesses grow is an understatement.' AN understatement? How strongly must you feel before the word passionate becomes mediocre to your true feelings? Why do people just flirt with words without really consulting their definition, words are not numbers, they have meanings, they destroy people, they build people. I bet most of the staff at DFS don't actually feel that passionately about their products, I think they feel more passionately about the money they're earning, therefore a more honest line of selling would be: 'I think sofas are alright, I mean they're comfy and your house would look a bit crap without one so if I were you I'd pop along to our store and get yourself one, unless of course you already have one, in which case you might still want to turn up in case you're seduced by the colour red which is prominent on so very much of our stock, essentially though someone out there needs a sofa and we need money, lets all help each other out and get on with our miserable life's.' I may of course be completely wrong, the people at DFS might really truly love those sofas but why would they therefore be so desperate to give them to me? I mean, that's lovely, but if you feel passionately about something is it usual to want to share it with the world at a modest recession adjusted price?

I mentioned Facebook earlier, it really pissed me off. Some twat put this silly little picture of a load of cartoons up there, I was tagged the 'funny one' how very kind, lets all have a laugh...There were over 206 comments, Facebook decided to email me 206 times, I did not in the slightest appreciate that and neither did Geoffery my computer, in fact he had a fit, a fit so lavish Windows asked me when I had to do the 5 second shut down, 'Would you like to start Windows normally?' As if starting it 'normally' would be a bit daring... How else would I start Windows? With the aid of the Microsoft Office assistant or with a direct up link to the Citizens Advice Bureau? Not that I have anything against the CAB, they're great people, my Gran works for them on a Wednesday for FREE, they help for FREE, that's just super.
I do have quite a bit against the Microsoft Office assistant, that stupid smiling paper clip, it keeps on asking me 'What would you like?' So I type in, 'Some skittles, great sex and then the opportunity to meet numerous world leaders to tell them what I think' I press enter.... 'I'm sorry I don't know what you mean' replies the paper clip frowning at me, as if again that is my fault, I the pathetic master of this computer have failed to make my demands simple enough, I haven't though, I just answered his question... I have just attributed the paper clip to be a man, I'm sorry if it's a girl paper clip, that whole side of the office assistants is somewhat ambiguous.

I've ranted for quite a while haven't I? I could carry on, could go on for ages about the latest version of MSN I downloaded and how it has essentially ruined my vague hope that things will get better with MSN 14.0. They didn't, the display pictures moved to the left and instead of being 'online' I became 'available' like some MSN prostitute.

As I said, I could keep going with this rant, NOBODY is online apart from Alexis my American chum but she isn't replying to me, so she can just be blocked and join the 'HATE' group I set up. I'm really really unhappy, nobody has ever been this depressed and I'm just expressing my dissatisfaction with the world through carefully isolated rants on certain aspects of society, you don't have to read them, this is my blog, stop following it if it offends you. As I said a few posts ago though, nobody cares, apart from James that is, HI JAMES! Sorry Jambon but I don't know if I will be able to attend your birthday party, I believe I'm going away that week to stay with my dear Grandparents, will discuss this further with you though.

FINE!!!!!!! Let's be positive, for all those fucking optimists out there. I watched Valkyrie earlier and thought that was a fantastic film, ignoring Tom Cruise is a cult-head nutter the film itself was superbly made. I found a really bouncy tennis ball and I might go to Kemble Air show tomorrow...But I might not, it's not as good as RIAT and I'm starting to lose interest in military aircraft...See I'm ranting again, FUCK! Oh I have 1 pence of credit...Damn.

Why am I such an obnoxious self centered failure?

ME.

Since when did the BBC have the rights to broadcast cricket?

2009-06-19T15:46:00.002+01:00

I ask because I very annoyingly missed last nights semi final clash of South Africa V Pakistan, I just found a nice hour long highlight package on iPlayer. I mean the actual commentary and visuals were the same as Sky's, they did just simply steal their footage but the BBC put together a nice little opening montage, it was pretty cool. Still I have nothing against live cricket coming back to terrestrial, still hold fond memories of the days of cricket on 4.

I'm undergoing something of a personal revolution (and am loving it), lots of things are going to change, I have for example just changed the colour theme on my email inbox, that is but a minor improvement on my life though, I don't know why I stuck with green for so long. I watched some price drop TV earlier and genuinely found watching that price fall in correlation with the remaining stock quite exciting, I was going to buy that mug.

Now I have to figure out how to make a meal which far exceeds my cooking abilities, should be interesting.

Tom.

HILARIOUS

2009-06-16T17:21:00.003+01:00

It's 6 minutes but worth watching all the way through especially if you're an Apprentice fan.

Tom,

Would you like a muffin?

2009-06-14T23:13:00.004+01:00

It's just I don't really fancy one right now, you can have it if you want. I might do a proper post tomorrow, don't know if I can be bothered, might just mow the lawn...Again.

An ANGRY, DISAPPOINTED and somewhat UNHAPPY Tom...Not that anyone cares and to think I offer you people muffins...

Oh f**k...

2009-06-08T16:31:00.005+01:00

I've revised and read enough about the Nazi Party to be able to spot a Fascist organisation. The BNP gained several key seats in the European elections, does anyone have any idea how racist these people are? Ok they're a great party if you ignore the fact that their leader Nick Griffin is a convicted Holocaust denier, they have a youth movement who are openly against anyone who isn't a 'Native to these islands', bloody hell!?!?!??!?!!? People turned to the Nazis in the last economic depression, now look whats happening, the BNP have had better election results than the Labour Party, a bunch of racist twats are representing us in Brussels.

Yeah, so after that political rant...This song is almost bringing me to tears...I only just realised I had it on loop. So what have I been doing today? I got up (that's a given to be honest), realised a bunch of Canadians were in my house - don't ask...Anyway, they didn't stay long, which was good, I didn't make a great first impression, wondered down the stairs with a dressing gown half draped over me, mumbling 'If you've eaten the last of the Clusters Campbell, I'll bloody kill you'. He hadn't by the way, nobody got hurt. Much of the remaining hours of the day was spent eating Raisins, avoiding all human contact and just generally not doing anything. I'm sounding like a tramp...I'm not a tramp.

I feel guilty about so many things it's INSANE! Tomorrow, I'll make amends.

Goodbye people,

Tom,
P.S: The tramp similee wasn't great, I'm sounding more like my cat if my cat ate raisins that is.

About me.

2009-06-06T22:02:00.009+01:00

I stole all these questions from a Facebook app. Didn't want to do it on Facebook because I just prefer my blog to that site. A lot of people have done a sort of 'who am I?' type of blog entry at some point...I never really have, although you can learn a lot about me from my blog posts, this can be for any random members of the public who find this splodge on the web...Like that guy/girl Bryony has, how did that happen??????

What is your best friend's name?: I don't do favouritism.
Have you ever made out in a movie theater?: And from that question we gather that this application is made by an American, it's CINEMA!!!! And no.
Do you have any peircings?: Not that I'm aware of
What's the strangest talent you have?: Erm...I have a very unique way of bowling an off cutter, if that's a talent?
What's your favorite flavored Pringles?: Probably the original sort, Pringles are evil however.
Have you ever been tied up?: What the hell? No...I don't want to be either.
Do you parallel park or drive around the block?: I don't even drive.
Have you ever had two dates in one night?: God no.
How many times have you been cussed out?: I don't even know what that means.
Which shoe do you put on first?: Left...No right...OH GOD!!!!! Ok right it is and yeah I did check.
How old are you?: 16
Have you ever been to a gay bar?: Nope
Is there one thing all of your ex's have had in common?: That shouldn't really be plural to be honest. Unless you're counting 2 days as a relationship? In which case they were both stalkers.
Did you french kiss before you were 16?: I don't like the French...But yeah French kissing's rather fun, moving on...
Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?: Yes...And it was offensive in many ways.
Have you ever found anything gross in your parent's bedroom?: I found a really ugly stripey jumper.
What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?: I DON'T DRIVE!!!!
How do you normally eat your cookies?: What else do you do with them?
When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?: Last time I was in a gym I watched Bargain Hunt and got really pissed off because the blue team won and they were from Liverpool.
Name something you do when you're alone?: Wonder where the hell my cat is.
How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?: Not that many, if anybody leaves any comments about a tree they will be swiftly deleted.
How often do you clean out your ears?: I don't...Is that bad?
Do you have any strange phobias?: I have a phobia about having a strange phobia.
Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?: Ah...I should never have played that shot.
Have you ever been drunk at work?: Hungover yes, not drunk.
Do you want to bring sexy back?: Who's sexy?
What are you listening to right now?: Open Your eyes - Snow Patrol
What was the last thing you ate?: This really horrible fish pie.
If you were a crayon what color would you be?: I'M A CRAYON?!?!?!??!?!
How is the weather right now?: It's pretty bleak.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: This angry guy from BT.
The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: They're the opposite sex.
Favorite month?: Hmmm....July.
Have you ever cried for no reason?: Only upon finding out there was a reason. I had dislocated my knee. Not that I cried.
What was the last movie you watched?: Vantage Point.
Favorite Day of the Year?: Christmas Day is quite cool.
Hugs or Kisses?: A combination?
Chocolate or Vanilla?: Chocolate or Vanilla what?
Do you want your friends to fill this out?: It's pretty fucking pointless.
Piercings?: I swear we've had that one before.
what were you doing before this?: Playing Commander in Chief
Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do?: Not really
Have you ever loved someone?: Yes.
Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?: Nope....Oh...No.
Do you like to travel by plane?: Only if I get a window seat.
Right-handed or Left-handed?: Depends.
How many pillows do you sleep with?: Two.
Anybody on Facebook that you'd go on a date with?: Well yes.
Have you ever found your gf/bf's sibling more attractive?: Hell no.

That was a fucking waste of time.

Tom,

The nutters in orange.

2009-06-06T20:03:00.004+01:00

Evening folks. What have I done today? Well, no revision...For the second day running, somethings telling me that's a bad thing..I'll do some tomorrow. I've been playing a lot of Commander in Chief, got a bit bored and basically shot this country in the foot when I declared war against China, ok...I rather shot this country square in the head.

So yesterday, I decide to watch a bit of twenty20, England V Netherlands, certain victory, it's the Dutch for Christ sake. Oh dear, oh dear, instead watching that game just contributed to my spiralling depression and lack of faith in Collingwood as a captain/decent player... Ha! Watching Rob Key (aka Pie Man) dive around the outfield was pretty amusing though.
I think I'm going to go have a bath now or write some more to my book...Maybe both...No that wouldn't be a good idea.

Tom,

P.S: MY FAVOURITE SONG AT THE MOMENT!!!

James McQuillan.

2009-06-03T21:59:00.003+01:00

An ABSOLUTE legend, I seriously want him to publish a book of similes. His boardroom exit after being fried was fantastic, 'Cheerio,'...Then just as he was half way out the door, turned back to round to face Sir Allan and in a harsh yet passionate voice mumbled 'It's been brilliant!' It sent the remaining candidates into tears.

Tom,

Calmed down now.

2009-06-01T21:37:00.001+01:00

Everythings fine.....

Piss off I'm not Malfoy.

2009-06-01T20:18:00.006+01:00

To add to further personal woe am now down to my last two Mr's Bridges...Never before have I felt so much of an appending doom waiting for me, they will probably be finished before tomorrow morning, it's an act of such beauty and magnificance I may just have to kill myself.

In other news, I did this stupid 'What house would you be in Hogwarts?' App on Facebook and ended up being a 'Perfect Slytherin' which is just ridiculous. Social networking is really annoying, not just Facebook, Myface, Bebo all of them are just silly. Yeah, so I'm feeling pretty low right now...OH ONE GOOD THING THOUGH! Probably my third best gaming acheviement thus far, I won an Ashes series in Australia on Cricket Manager 2008. Anywaaaay, I'm going to shout a lot and kick some stuff...BECAUSE THAT HELPS!! AND IF ANYONE DARES CHALLENGE THAT VIEW I WILL PERSONALLY FIND A WAY (probably with the help of this sites help features) TO BAN YOU FROM EVER READING THIS STUPID LITTLE SPLODGE ON THE INTERNET.

ME!! WHO ELSE EVER WRITES THIS???????

P.S: Dear Slytherin applicant,

You have received this owl because you (or someone else) used this email address to enroll as a member of Slytherin House. If this is in error, please reply to this owl to let us know, and we will remove you from the pending list as soon as possible.

Currently, you have been placed on the members queue for Professor Snape's approval. You are not yet part of Slytherin House. Once Professor Snape has gone over your submission and if he accepts you into the esteemed House of Slytherin, you will receive a second owl to notify you that you have been accepted.

OH MY GOD I'M NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO LEARN MAGIC AM I???????
P.S.S: Myface was a deliberate mistake...
P.S.S.S: I don't even like Harry Potter. The 'person' and the books/films/merchandise

The day I met Ian Bell.

2009-05-29T23:39:00.009+01:00

Oh yeah people, I have met IAN BELL, even exchanged a few words with my former Nemesis. Former Nemesis? Yes I'll explain all that soon enough... Firstly, let me explain by saying that I went to the twenty20 Warwickshire V Worcestershire (sick of seeing that team) game at Edgbaston in Birmingham. My second time at Edgbaston, not a beauitful ground, more built for purpose, however with it's 25000 seats filled there was a great atmosphere going, I believe a mexican wave went round about four times...Which was silly but quite cool. I did get a tad annoyed with the almost football like members of the crowd, after about four beers they all started chanting really pointless songs 'I'd rather be a bear than a pear...I'd rather be a bear than a pear,' I understand some of that song, the bear being a sort of mascot of Warwickshire or at least there's a bear on the club logo...Pear though? Was it just the thrill of finding a fruit that rhymed?

The game itself was pretty good, convincing enough victory, not going to write in detail about it (see a BBC match report if you want) as I'm going to write for my target audience (revising see..?) and most people who read this thing don't give a shit about the fact I reckon Jonathan Trott was very lucky to not get out after the sixth over...This opinion being backed up by a very large bald man who began chanting 'CHEAT!'

So yeah...After the game me and my brother went round to the players pavillion as the teams were sigining stuff and generally mingling with the crowd, which can I just say now I like to see at cricket matches, it doesn't happen at football games, you can't get anywhere near the players, cricket is different, long may it continue. So eventually me and Campbell spotted the short freckle coated face of Ian Bell, he was standing about 4 meters away when I saw him...I didn't know what to do, go and give the guy a sympathetic hug or throw a sturdy brick? In the end I followed Campell's lead and walked up to him, my brother simply held out a bat to which Ian (yeah I'm on first name terms) signed without comment, I didn't have my bat, I don't know why Campbell did, maybe he thought he was playing? But I did have my 2009 playfair annual, turned to the blank page at the back and just held it out to Ian...I was pretty concerned that by some miracle he reads this blog and knows how much I mock him and would consequently burn my annual in front of my face, he didn't though, using my brothers pen he signed the book in one quick movement...He then looked blankly at me and said...
'Whose pen is that, is that your's?' It sounds quite aggressive, but it wasn't,
'Yeah that's mine, thanks...' I replied quietly, Ian handed me my brother's pen and then just looked me in the eye and nodded...I don't know what that nod was all about, could be a: 'I read your blog, I'm going to kick you in the balls one day' but I prefer to think of it more as a one shit batsman recognising another type of nod, after all I nodded back....

THEN!!! Just to top everything off, I got Ashley Giles's signature, who until 2006 was England's number one spin bowler, played in 3 Ashes series and is now the Warwickshire head coach...No words or nods with him, I did notice though he had these HUGE hands...Shame he couldn't use them to catch Ponting at Adelaide....

That's Giles embarassing an Australian batsman in 2005, good times.

And of course the signatures...

BYE FOLKS!

Tom,
P.S: Oh yeah 'Former Nemesis'...Decided Ian Bell's cool, will find a new blog feature soon enough.

I should be in debt, I really should be.

2009-05-24T22:33:00.006+01:00

No I actually should be. I bought this Family Guy does Star Wars A New Hope (which is pretty hilarious) and a Lost series 5 episode from iTunes, I have £2 in my bank account, those two items came to around £14, yet...Everything seems to be ok, I got the receipts by email and unless abbey is just ridonculously slow I haven't been charged at all. Maybe I entered the wrong card number and some poor bloke in Bristol is £14 under, damn I feel bad. Or, the guys at iTunes feel really guilty for all the torment they've put me through and decided to just give me some free stuff, like Santa but real and commercialised...So not like Santa at all, forget that simile.

Everyone is on holiday, well Emily and Simon are...Ok fine that isn't everyone, but I want to go on holiday. Instead I'm made to invent stupid combinations of tennis and volleyball in the garden with Campbell, though actually that game was pretty awesome. I was going to go to Scotland but my cousins came down here instead which is...Ok, I would have preferred to go to up north, but meh, I'll learn to fly or something. I've got time. My cousins are pretty cool, Eleanor just doesn't talk to me but James was pretty impressed with my bowling, though it's hard not to be, I am actually amazing at bowling. Soon the whole world will realise this, or my knee will give way just before the world realises, that would be typical.

I don't know if you can tell but I haven't been doing much revision. I've written a structured timetable for next week though, rewarding myself with smarties for every half an hour, it's a surprisingly efficient system. I love study leave, I love the lie-ins and pasties at lunch, but it just doesn't work... I go downstairs to revise, then that leads me to the fridge, which leads me to the ice cream...And I can't eat and revise so that leads me to the TV, which leads me to the remote, by this time the ice cream has melted and I have to return to the fridge...It's a vicious cycle.
I'm going to see Star Trek on Wednesday though, that should be wicked...Wicked...Does anyone use that word these days? I remember it being quite prominent when I was 7, woah maybe I could start a wicked revolution.

BYE BYE!!!

Tom,
P.S: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EH5oRJKTWuc - That's pretty amusing
P.S.S: I'm seeing a twenty20 game tomorrow, WAHEY!! Though it is Worcestershire V Gloucestershire and I am getting a bit sick of seeing those teams play, why does Hampshire have to be so far away...?

WOW.

2009-05-18T16:31:00.006+01:00

First things first, I am loving certain aspects of this whole study leave malarkey. No longer do I need to rise myself at ridonculous (must not use that word in English exam tomorrow) hours, I can eat proper food instead of ham and cucumber sandwiches. Maths exam though, shit. Numbers actually frighten me now. I think it's a universal feeling that the exam was AWFUL, so I'm just hoping that's somehow going to alter the national grade boundaries, however I did learn some interesting things about runways, can't deny that. Did waste quite a bit of time with Ollie G trying to find out the nth term for 4 8 15 16 23 42.

Which leads me nicely onto the Lost finale. I mean this when I say it, the best episode they have ever made, there was very little I found annoying about it, it was a touch predictable, but that wasn't a bad thing. At least it wasn't completely obscure like series 2 and Penelope's weird snow station, no I had a feeling that Jack was going to drop the bomb, Juliet was going to die etc...Thank God Ben didn't just turn the corner and find that Jacob was the Honey Monster or something.
Jacob was pretty awesome, I was expecting some grey bearded Gandalf figure but no he was some young bloke in his twenties with excessive stubble. Fair enough.
Even Jack was pretty cool this time, I mean his whole 'look at me I'm action man' style of wielding a 9mm was a bit shit, but it's not like I was expecting him to be any different. The Sawyer and Juliet stuff was mindblowingly sad, the whole Juliet about to fall into the pit of doom, 'I love you James,'...'Don't let go Juliet,' was pretty emotional viewing (SAWYER ACTUALLY CRIED), perhaps a little too sickly, thankfully Sawyer did come out with a 'Where do you think you're going blondie?' Kate was shocking, screwing up everything, 'Oh I can't reach,' yeah of course you can't, you just want to muck up Sawyer and Juliet you bitch, plus she stole a lunchbox in one of the flashbacks, what sort of evil person does that?

Anyway, only one more series to go and I'll know everything...I will know everything. I will.

Tom,

P.S: England won a series!?!!? Wow I hardly had a clue it was even going on.

Rain.

2009-05-15T20:12:00.003+01:00

It's funny to think that I was so very close to staying in Portobello, where my last day of year 11 would have been lessons as usual, no dressing up, no yearbooks, no prom. Weird. Yeah reminiscing a bit here...
Today was OK, some people were friendly, others were really not and annoyed me thoroughly, however I plan to block out those people in my life upon my 'fresh start' in sixth form, can't fucking wait. Focusing on this year alone, verrry different from other years, I mean firstly there's the girlfriend (HI EMILY!!!!), I've become friends with people I either hated or spoke very little of. Most notably Brother Seb who I called a 'tree' for quite a large portion of Year 10, was quite weird how we both remember our first ever conversation though, went something like this..
Me to April in history: Who's that new guy?
April: Seb or someone
Me: Looks like a druggy
April: Right
Me (to Seb): Excuse me are you a drug addict or dealer?
Seb: Sorry, no.

Yeah, so not exactly a conversation I suppose. Anyway, he's now turned out to be a ridonculosly good friend. Then there's Ollie G, my Lost buddy, not in the sense that he's lost, that we discuss Lost quite a lot. Of course I can't go without mentioning my tutor buddy for five whole years!!! Virtually every single morning I've spent sitting next to you Simone, you get to know a guy pretty well that way and seeing as we both agreed to continue the tutor buddy thing going into 6th form I'm gonna have to book me some more therapy sessions.

Right, I've mentioned Emily, some new chums, hmmm...Acting now, I hate Drama in so many different ways, the stupid warm up exercises I'm made to endure, for God's sake the bunny game, how fucking pointless. Buuuuut, it's changed me quite a bit, sure I'm still essentially a quiet fairly reserved person, but I've found something I really enjoy...well kind of and as a bonus it's made me much more confident just about stuff. Seriously, after having to engage in a mock wife beating fight in front of a large dollop of parents and a moderator you kinda feel like you can do pretty much anything.

Course been some lows, my Grandad, the loss of all my work, generally failing. That's to be expected though I suppose, everything perfect would be far too weird. My career choice has changed quite frequently this year as well, now I'm just going to be some sort of writer/actor/MP/journalist all rolled into one horrible mess. Then again I'd be fairly pleased with just an office job, not for ever, just for like a year or so, my own little office, that'd be sweet.

Right...I don't know what else to write about, oh the bus stop crew! Me, Campbell, Ewan and if he catches the bus on time Mike. Wow, going to weirdly miss you lot loads, been an honour serving as your elected leader, not sure who's going to replace me now that it's just Ewan and Cam standing there...They'll figure something out, probably through means of that weird sticky plant.

FSDFHSUIDFHSDUIFHSDUIFHSDFUIDHSFUISDFHSDF. Headache.

Tom,
P.S: Accidently read a Lost spoiler, oh God... JACOB FLASHBACKS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? FUUUUUUUCK.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

2009-05-13T15:51:00.004+01:00

Angry!!!!!! OK not angry, disappointed. No angry, definitely angry. Endured this gruesome 3 hour trial for the Northleach first team yesterday evening, I have been the second team's best bowler for a while now and a pretty useful batsman. After bowling at large macho people who were half the time trying to kill me, I moved on to various fielding drills...Which were alright, then some batting, I was told to expect a call if I was in for Sunday's game. I did not get that call, this was fine, but LUKE did!?!?!?!? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL???? Of course he took great delight in telling me all about it, literally every word in the phone call was delivered to me with arrogant and pathetic glee. Fine, I admit it I'm jealous, so what?

On the plus, had my last ever Science lesson today and recorded Porn Box, wahey! For any of you who don't know what Porn Box is...erm...Keep it that way. It's not a porno, no it really isn't. Going back down from the high of Porn Box recording, everyone seemed to be rather upset at lunch which in turn made me quite sad/frustrated, I really hope the last day will be a happy day, a sunny one as well would be a bonus. Bad weather conditions could cause some problems in my tug of war team (not mine...the tutor's), will have to talk to my turf analysis expert about this. I might bring in a camera on the last day, suppose that'd be nice, but might be quite annoying, I remember getting really pissed off with cameras when I was leaving St Andrew's.

Going to Cheltenham now, can't quite remember why...

Tom,

P.S: YOU HAVE MY VOTE JAMES!!!!!!!!!
P.S.S: I do remember now, I'm getting a tuxedo, hoorah!

I found myself a Geo-Political Simulator

2009-05-10T13:58:00.011+01:00

Yep I have, Commander in Chief 2009, I couldn't really resist buying it yesterday in Game upon reading the caption on the front of the box: 'What would you do if you were Prime Minister?' Unfortunately the game is VERY realistic and VERY annoying, for some bizarre reason Commons had a problem with me invading Portugal and the press tore me apart when they found out I had been making secret deals with some Russian terrorist group, to which I simply responded with a whimpering 'It wasn't me sir, it was Jerry' pointing to my senior advisor who I aptly fired. Yeah, being a good 'give the country free school meals' type of leader is pretty dull to be honest, for a game anyway, thankfully I did find some cheats which allowed me to essentially become a dictator, currently in a bitter war with South Africa, why South Africa? Simply because Europe looked far toooo scary.

Not like this weekend has been all fun and explosions though, no my fuhrer of a mother has regulated the times the Internet is allowed to be on (this being a 2 hour free zone) claiming that it is too much of a distraction for me. I sort of see her point, I start some revision then before long I've bought a classic 50's Morris Minor from eBay and am on a two week cruise to Brazil. However, I think I might just know everything there is to know about module 5, I can quite easily vomit area formula with little effort, even I find that a little scary.

Where are all the people???? Nobody is online and I've spent more than seven hours this weekend in the solitary company of my cat, I think he might evict me from my own room pretty soon. Neeeeeext week might be a little CRAZY (yeah that needed the bold treatment damn it), I suppose it's my last time to tell my teachers I've actually just been nodding my head blankly for more than half a year and have no idea what the hell to revise, seriously I realised yesterday that I had completely cocked up a Drama essay. On Friday I was scribbling away blissfully unaware that I was writing the wrong thing. This coming Friday might be entertaining though, I'm the Head Coach/Motivator of my tutor's tug of war squad, already brainstorming effective ways of pulling rope.
Gosh! I've heard nothing but praise about this Star Trek film, after reading James's blog I was amazed to hear that the audience actually applauded the whole thing when the credits started, WOW! I used to watch Star Trek when I was a wee lad, well my mother did and I remember watching it alongside her questioning nearly everything, then Star Wars came along and sort of destroyed Trek, sorry but lightsabers are just cool.

Anyway I'm going to go enjoy some of this lovely weather,

Tom,
P.S: Ian Bell's back in the team!!!!
P.S.S: Woah...

Annoyed.

2009-05-06T15:54:00.003+01:00

Ok after yesterdays emotion I've gone back to ranting, I have had a quite frustrating day.
FSUDGFSDUIGFSDFI...Yeah that's how fucking annoyed I am, firstly and probably least importantly, England - 182-4, am I suprised? No, I'm bloody not. Onions over Harmison, Swann over MONTY, Bersnan over...Well ok seeing as Flintoff's injured that's fine, everything is just going to be downhill with these obscene selections in an Ashes calender year, ASHES, A S H E S.

Moving on, 4 people really badly annoyed me today, one person was deliberately trying to mess up my perfectly functioning head, the other decided to break my computer in ICT, not exactly what I needed.

Yeah...That's it, I'm going to go listen to some happy music now.

Tom,
TOMFACT: I like hula hoops.
P.S: Ok on reflection that seems quite an angry entry, I'm not that bad, just probably exaggerating everything.

Doesn't apple crumble taste great?

2009-05-05T20:38:00.009+01:00

I barely have the energy to write this. I've just experienced the usual hell of a first proper net of the new season for Northleach, apart from quite a few people trying to get me out by knocking my ankle out of place it went...Fairly well.

Though this is probably some sort of sign I'm over clingy (I know you don't exactly look kindly on that) but thank you Emily, if my admittedly poor memory and this very blog serves me correctly we did get together on November 5th, which would make today...6 months, so yeah, don't want to go over soppy, but thanks firstly for putting up with me this long, I don't know how you do it, but I really really appreciate it... I should probably be doing this in person shouldn't I?...I failed. I was going to mention it earlier but you were down after Spanish and I didn't think having an emotional fit all over you was such a good plan, sorry, though it might of cheered you up...Failed again I know. I'm probably going to be going mental (more so) for a while (blame the exams), but I'm really looking forward to going to the prom with you and all the time we'll have together after June, I must show you my AMAZING SANDWICH. Ok, going to shut up now, sorry if you found reading all that was a bit cringe worthy...Please don't hate me.

I tried changing the template around on this site yesterday, they all look crap, a request to blogger.com to make better templates please or at least give us the option to make our own. I have now finished all my ICT coursework, well virtually finished, need to polish off a few things like my SODDING ASSETS TABLE. Was really disappointed when I found out that Mr Kempson is leaving at the end of this year, by far the best ICT teacher I've ever had, even if that is mainly just because we spend half the lesson discussing cricket.

Going to have a nice hot bath...
TOMFACT: A car traveling 100 mph would take more than 29 million years to reach the nearest star.

Tom,
P.S: And yes Simon I am still laughing.
P.S.S: I know my title has no relevance to any of this post.

Wow.

2009-05-04T19:27:00.011+01:00

I never realised how crappy some of the Corrs stuff actually is. SOME stuff is fine, some stuff makes me want to vomit everywhere, I'm not going to by the way, that's a little bit of an overreaction. At the moment I'm hating 'All the love in the world', I don't have anything against love songs, that's fine, I mean quite a large number of songs have some element of love intertwined, but this is just sickening.

On a more positive note I made the most AMAAAAZING sandwich earlier, really was quite damn great. Erm...What else can I report?? Saw H earlier, bit of a pain as he took over my English revision slot forcing me to move it forward to 8 o'clock. However we did watch a Band of Brothers episode which I suppose is History revision...Kind of...I mean I revised that the Germans were cunning little buggers. GOD ALMIGHTY, far tooooo many of my recent posts contain the word 'revision' what the hell is happening to the world?? I'm completely neglecting my social life, well not neglect, it's turned into more of an unplanned sacrifice, can you ever overdo revision? I wouldn't want stuff like how to walk being pushed out my brain by C4, that would pose a problem.

I watched a scary documentary yesterday, well bits of it, 'Genius kids' or something similar to that title. There was this one 13 year old with an IQ of 170, that's better than Einstein, I really hope those kids go on to cure something or just do something worthwhile with their freakish lives, they better had anyway. If I was in charge, (of the country presumably) I'd lock them all up in a laboratory and simply state to them that they weren't allowed out unless they cured some world disease...Then again they'd probably just combine their geniusness to escape from my poorly built prison. Damn.

WHAT THE HELL AM I WRITING ABOUT?????????????????????????

Tom,
TOMFACT: Did you know that there is a place called Rome on every continent? Well you do know.

P.S: If anyone wants every audio CD for the Narnia series in a nice little wardrobe style case at a modest price, please let me know. Please. It's just sitting there unloved, come on...Someone, if you want to buy it from my ebay account rest assured that it'll get to you 'nicely packaged'.

My favourite character died in Lost's 100th episode.

2009-05-03T21:56:00.002+01:00

I hate that show. RIP Daniel Faraday, RIP my theory that it's just a coincidence that all my favourite characters end up getting killed. I knew the Lost writers had a dark evil conspiracy against me.

Tom,

It occurred to me...

2009-05-03T18:01:00.010+01:00

During reading Matthew Hoggard's recently published autobiography that something very, very bad has happened. Very bad. Very. Verrrrrrry. VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY. Yes...Firstly let me say that Hoggard's autobiography is one of the best cricket books I've ever read, mainly because it's just so damn hillarious, literally a laugh a page and it's not even cricket jokes he just strolls off on random tangents every now and again, for example there was a section of his book lasting 4 pages where he scripted a conversation between his 2 dogs about what they might say about him if they could talk, CRAZY!?!?! Plus he just makes up random words every now and again (like that Inversnaid chap, see I have been revising), I'm not sure if it's just loads of typos, but I'm loving the word: ridonculous.

Anyway, about this verrrry bad thing, this Hoggard bloke was a mighty fine swing bowler, something like 70 games, 340 wickets and at one point he was ranked number four in the world, NUMBER 4!!!! Since when has an ENGLISH bowler been that good??? He was a regular member of the England bowling attack, a key figure in the Ashes 2005 victory. Come the first game in New Zealand, Hoggard was feeling a bit down, his wife was suffering from postnatal depression or something equally depressing, therefore his mind was a bit off, he was bowling a bit wide etc..Well FAIR ENOUGH I say, the woman you love has just given birth and is now feeling shit, you're hardly going to be thinking 'Ah Yes McCullum's batting, must bowl around off stump, he's very strong through the leg side' well I doubt I would be and Hoggard certainly wasn't. It was this point in the book where all the laughter stopped, he described how he felt like crying whenever he bowled but kept it together for the team. Due to his below standard performance in this one game he was dropped for the remaining series, told to go home and spend some time with his wife, Hoggard of course accepted this. His wife Sarah soon turned out to be ok and Hoggard was raring to get back into international cricket, during his absence James Anderson and in particular Stuart Broad took over his place and did a decent job. Hoggard hasn't played since that New Zealand game two years ago.

Like quite a few people out there, Hoggard's absence went unnoticed to me, it was only upon getting his autobiography for my birthday did I think 'O yeah, Hoggy, he was quite good, where'd he go?' The simple fact of the matter is that England dumped him, the ECB described his 'unstable attitude' (and yes that is how they put it) to be an unnecessary work ethic. Never fucking mind this guy was 4TH IN THE WORLD.
Hoggard is still bowling over after over for Yorkshire, still trying to get back into the England team he so badly deserves to be in. The world can be a cruel place.

Yeah...I haven't done a cricket post for a while now, so that was it. IN OTHER NEWS: I wrote a poetry essay today, read a couple of chapters from a different book, stared out my window and condensed my poetry notes, that is actually all I've done today...This summer had better be good to make up for this gurge (that was another made up Hoggard word), I started drafting some bizarre ideas with ANNOYING PERSON on the Drama trip the other day. All we really came up with was making some films, randomly taking a train down to London with a few others and just staying there for no obvious reason for a couple of nights...erm......O yes, that idea except without London and just camping in a randomly selected field, I wasn't too keen on that one but it might be amusing. I have after all got...what 3 months of NOTHINGNESS, I doubt there will be many times in my life where I'll have 3 months of NOTHINGNESS (probably for the best), I plan to make the most of it. Of course if I get ridonculosly bored and everyone ends up hating me for one reason or another (probably due to me telling them repeatedly 'I'm bored') I'll simply conduct my own 'BRING HOGGARD BACK' march...In Northleach.

Tom,
Today's TOMFACT: I don't know if this TOMFACT feature will be permanent, depends if anyone likes the idea of random nuggets of useless probably Lost related information?..........That was a fact. Clearly was.
P.S: BRING BACK THIS ELEPHANT RIDING BOWLER

Where were you when everything was falling apart?

2009-05-02T12:00:00.008+01:00

Lyric taken from the Fray's lead single (You Found Me) from their latest album uniquely titled 'The Fray'. I have just recently purchased it, is indeed rather good, at the moment a shade better than their first album, also a bit happier...A bit.
Anywaaaay, I was SUPPOSED to be going to the Cotswold Farm Park today but the person I was going to go with decided to cancel because seeing his girlfriend all weekend for the 9th time in a row is more important, well FINE. So it looks like I'm just going to have to release frustration by spending today bowling cricket balls at people's faces, then revising something presumably important. Admittedly the latter isn't exactly a frustration relieving technique, it is though unfortunately necessary to my Saturday schedule.

Yeah... HINGFY is getting a bit...crapy, it's a shame, but Paul especially seems to be trying far too hard, I know this series is two episodes old but I think I laughed only twice during it's half an hour slot, depressing. Reggie Perrin on the other hand was a minor improvement, I still think Martin Clunes doesn't suit the role all that well, but there were entertaining moments, 'Sorry dear, I ran into an angry farmer who was complaining about me throwing my GPS at his cows.'

Along with the Fray I also bought the Best of The Corrs album, don't really see the logic behind that as I already have most of the Corrs songs, but there you go... Listening to them has its advantages and disadvantages, most of their songs are fairly jubilant which is good, it puts me in a good mood. However, I sometimes like to sing along to happy songs, I can't do this with the Corrs without feeling a bit...weird, here being an example...
It reaches through my skin
And moving from within
It clutches at my breast
Yeah... Sticking on the music front, me and the ANNOYING PERSON I mentioned earlier have planned sometime after the exams to film a music video!!! We both think 'You're beautiful' is a tad shocking, but we've decided to use it as it provides maximum comic effect, not wanting to reveal too much but the woman in the song is so far going to be replaced by a large pie with a felt tip face.

Finally, I'm going to buy a lottery ticket later, 4 8 15 16 23 42 all the way. TOMFACT: Did you know that the closest those numbers have come in a real lottery is: 4 8 15 16 23 24 in the National Irish Lottery two years ago? - Source Wikipedia - Source unreliable.

Tom,

Does writing my book count as English revision?

2009-04-30T20:58:00.007+01:00

In reference to my title...No it probably doesn't, my whole life would be made much easier if it did though, shame. So yes, like everyone (but Simon) exams are indeed virtually here, I plan to start actually following with some accuracy my poorly written revision timetable and purchasing some of Brother Seb's nerve remedy soon, maybe a bottle for every exam.

Is a bit of a pain all this revision stuff, yes I know it's important, but a three day weekend for God's sake...urg... Though I do take some satisfaction in knowing that I'm not as stressed as poor Mr Bell, (http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/8025576.stm) left out of the England team AGAIN and still wearing an England cap during an interview...I know I'm being cruel and for once I'm a little bemused in why he hasn't been given another go...But hey, unfortunately I'm not Geoff Miller. My main problem with the selection for the West Indies game is the inclusion of Graham Onions, firstly silly name, secondly WHO THE HELL IS HE????

Quick word on my birthday, was a vast improvement over last year, actually had a really good day...Noticeable lack of balloons, but other than that it was great. If you do happen to be reading this E, I have now listened to the CD, thank you so much, we should listen to it together some time after the exams, just a thought. Simon will probably be reading this one day, well done and thanks for not just remembering but for the large slab of chocolate, is indeed appreciated.

LOST's 100th episode on Sunday, I had a breif looks at Dark UFO's ratings on it...Seems like it was the best Series 5 episode so far, just about resisted reading what happened. Anywaaay, got me thinking, what would be my top 6 TV episodes ever mcever, well (because I know you're dying to know) here they are...

6. Peep Show - Series 5 - Episode 1 - My favourite episode of my favourite sitcom, enough said.

5. The final episode of Skins series 2 - By far the best episode I thought and simply fantastic TV. Was quite moving actually, sounds a bit silly, but you sort of feel connected to all those characters and the whole episode was just packed with emotion.

4. Band Of Brothers - Day of Days - Best Band Of Brothers by far, this being a widely agreed opinion. Everything from the D-day drop to the assault on that weird little bunker is just so gripping, plus this is a Winter's themed episode, my favourite character played by one of my favourite actors: Damian Lewis (presenting the next HIGNFY apparently).

3. Lost - Series 3 - The Man Behind The Curtain - Best Series 3 episode. First proper Ben episode, first visit to the mysterious (I use that word as if it's unique on Lost) Jacob, Dhamara flashbacks and a proper good old Locke 'DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN'T DO!!!' style moment.

2. Doctor Who - Series 1 - Aliens of London - Before this episode I thought Doctor Who was proper crap, I really hated it, this episode changed everything, therfore deserves a mention.

1. Lost - Series 4 - The Constant - Voted the best Lost episode ever, best American TV episode of 2008, undeinably AMAZING. The whole thing is so well written, the entire Penny & Desmond fucked up love story, the Faraday in Oxford crap, it's all so GREAT!!!?!?!?!?!??!?....Yes I know that what I've written isn't exactly convincing to why this is the best TV episode made, but words fail me, it's one of the few times on Lost I was glad I had endured Series 1, 2 and 3 to get to this paticular episode, that must be something.

RIGHTY HO...I'm going to stare at notes on Trigonometry

Tom,