Oh F**k.

Oh f**k noodles...... I don't really know how to say how I feel right now so you know I'll just fill up this space with some dots.......................look at them go.........................

Tom,

P.S: My previous post sounded like I was a little high, I actually wasn't, I was drunk, not high though, BIG difference.

Why my life has to be turned to a worship of the pig of happiness.

Well today was fun, I did some stuff and it was fun, therefore I am in a fun mood, wahey! What shall I do? I don't know, maybe I could eat some more hula hoops or get some cheese, maybe I could drink more cider, look at the possibilities children, look at all of them...

Well, I do wonder.

Tom,

I really hope 2012 doesn't happen, I have things to do.

I've never openly appreciated the corridor before. The corridor is a cricket blog written by Will Luke a cricket journalist who works for Cricinfo, I don't care how sad this sounds but it actually brightens up my mornings. You see I no longer have to go find his blog online, whenever he makes a post I get it in my inbox the next morning. I'm also a big fan of this particular blog because I a while ago now wrote to Will concerning cricket journalism as a career, he gave me lots of insightful advice and advised to get in touch sometime in the future, which I probably will actually...
ANYWAAAAY, his latest post in my inbox made me chuckle...
'Yeah, so Michael Jackson’s dead. Why isn’t the world talking about the big news of the day, that Nathan Hauritz - Australia’s only specialist spinner - was carted all around Hove like a rag doll in a strong breeze?'

I actually watched the Jackson story when it first broke, that being at 11:24ish pm, it made rather crazy viewing... The BBC (God bless them) were claiming he had suffered a heart attack but was ok, CNN were reporting that the poor sod was in a comma whilst Sky being Sky were just going with 'He's dead.' I've never really liked Jackson's work, but blimey!!! He's reached number 4 in the singles chart, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and 10 in the albums chart... Meanwhile the music video chart is just Jackson, Jackson and a bit more Jackson with a touch of Lady Gaga thrown in...Silly woman. The man must be up there with the likes of Presley and The Beatles.

EVERYBODY must see Valkyrie, I personally saw it the other day with Fothergill, the best war film ever made...Well maybe not, I'm still unsure over that. But it certainly is worth seeing even if you're not into history or the Nazi's, which to be fair not many people are, still worth watching. Keeping on the film front, the trailer below looks to be the MOST MENTAL FILM EVER MADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's directed by the guy who made Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, which by the way are another two superb films, however I can't help but feel that this director just thrives of the mass exectuion of...well...everyone.


Just to confirm: yes that is the VATICAN falling over and yes that is A BLOODY AIRCRAFT CARRIER SMASHING INTO THE WHITE HOUSE.

Tom,

Is this my longest entry? - Dedicated followers will research.

I'm fed up of people or companies telling me what to do, what to think, what to eat, who to like, who to hate etc..ETC... For example, I've just noticed how littered Facebook is with advertising and look how clever they've been, using some magic piece of software they've managed to tap into my own personal interests and exploit them, 'Play cricket, coach cricket and attend cricket academies in Australia and New Zealand.' - No I don't want to, go away, that idea sounds crap, it would be far too hot and the Australians would hit me, call me a homosexual and lob fruit at me for being a pom.

I mean lets take the most recent advert I've seen, DFS are passionate about sofas and want me to be as well, I'm sorry I've tried, but I'm not feeling any passion towards my own sofa or those shown in the advertisement. How can anyone be passionate about sofas? 'Saying that we are passionate about seeing small businesses grow is an understatement.' AN understatement? How strongly must you feel before the word passionate becomes mediocre to your true feelings? Why do people just flirt with words without really consulting their definition, words are not numbers, they have meanings, they destroy people, they build people. I bet most of the staff at DFS don't actually feel that passionately about their products, I think they feel more passionately about the money they're earning, therefore a more honest line of selling would be: 'I think sofas are alright, I mean they're comfy and your house would look a bit crap without one so if I were you I'd pop along to our store and get yourself one, unless of course you already have one, in which case you might still want to turn up in case you're seduced by the colour red which is prominent on so very much of our stock, essentially though someone out there needs a sofa and we need money, lets all help each other out and get on with our miserable life's.' I may of course be completely wrong, the people at DFS might really truly love those sofas but why would they therefore be so desperate to give them to me? I mean, that's lovely, but if you feel passionately about something is it usual to want to share it with the world at a modest recession adjusted price?

I mentioned Facebook earlier, it really pissed me off. Some twat put this silly little picture of a load of cartoons up there, I was tagged the 'funny one' how very kind, lets all have a laugh...There were over 206 comments, Facebook decided to email me 206 times, I did not in the slightest appreciate that and neither did Geoffery my computer, in fact he had a fit, a fit so lavish Windows asked me when I had to do the 5 second shut down, 'Would you like to start Windows normally?' As if starting it 'normally' would be a bit daring... How else would I start Windows? With the aid of the Microsoft Office assistant or with a direct up link to the Citizens Advice Bureau? Not that I have anything against the CAB, they're great people, my Gran works for them on a Wednesday for FREE, they help for FREE, that's just super.
I do have quite a bit against the Microsoft Office assistant, that stupid smiling paper clip, it keeps on asking me 'What would you like?' So I type in, 'Some skittles, great sex and then the opportunity to meet numerous world leaders to tell them what I think' I press enter.... 'I'm sorry I don't know what you mean' replies the paper clip frowning at me, as if again that is my fault, I the pathetic master of this computer have failed to make my demands simple enough, I haven't though, I just answered his question... I have just attributed the paper clip to be a man, I'm sorry if it's a girl paper clip, that whole side of the office assistants is somewhat ambiguous.

I've ranted for quite a while haven't I? I could carry on, could go on for ages about the latest version of MSN I downloaded and how it has essentially ruined my vague hope that things will get better with MSN 14.0. They didn't, the display pictures moved to the left and instead of being 'online' I became 'available' like some MSN prostitute.

As I said, I could keep going with this rant, NOBODY is online apart from Alexis my American chum but she isn't replying to me, so she can just be blocked and join the 'HATE' group I set up. I'm really really unhappy, nobody has ever been this depressed and I'm just expressing my dissatisfaction with the world through carefully isolated rants on certain aspects of society, you don't have to read them, this is my blog, stop following it if it offends you. As I said a few posts ago though, nobody cares, apart from James that is, HI JAMES! Sorry Jambon but I don't know if I will be able to attend your birthday party, I believe I'm going away that week to stay with my dear Grandparents, will discuss this further with you though.

FINE!!!!!!! Let's be positive, for all those fucking optimists out there. I watched Valkyrie earlier and thought that was a fantastic film, ignoring Tom Cruise is a cult-head nutter the film itself was superbly made. I found a really bouncy tennis ball and I might go to Kemble Air show tomorrow...But I might not, it's not as good as RIAT and I'm starting to lose interest in military aircraft...See I'm ranting again, FUCK! Oh I have 1 pence of credit...Damn.

Why am I such an obnoxious self centered failure?

ME.

Since when did the BBC have the rights to broadcast cricket?

I ask because I very annoyingly missed last nights semi final clash of South Africa V Pakistan, I just found a nice hour long highlight package on iPlayer. I mean the actual commentary and visuals were the same as Sky's, they did just simply steal their footage but the BBC put together a nice little opening montage, it was pretty cool. Still I have nothing against live cricket coming back to terrestrial, still hold fond memories of the days of cricket on 4.

I'm undergoing something of a personal revolution (and am loving it), lots of things are going to change, I have for example just changed the colour theme on my email inbox, that is but a minor improvement on my life though, I don't know why I stuck with green for so long. I watched some price drop TV earlier and genuinely found watching that price fall in correlation with the remaining stock quite exciting, I was going to buy that mug.

Now I have to figure out how to make a meal which far exceeds my cooking abilities, should be interesting.

Tom.

HILARIOUS

It's 6 minutes but worth watching all the way through especially if you're an Apprentice fan.

Tom,

Would you like a muffin?

It's just I don't really fancy one right now, you can have it if you want. I might do a proper post tomorrow, don't know if I can be bothered, might just mow the lawn...Again.

An ANGRY, DISAPPOINTED and somewhat UNHAPPY Tom...Not that anyone cares and to think I offer you people muffins...

Oh f**k...

I've revised and read enough about the Nazi Party to be able to spot a Fascist organisation. The BNP gained several key seats in the European elections, does anyone have any idea how racist these people are? Ok they're a great party if you ignore the fact that their leader Nick Griffin is a convicted Holocaust denier, they have a youth movement who are openly against anyone who isn't a 'Native to these islands', bloody hell!?!?!??!?!!? People turned to the Nazis in the last economic depression, now look whats happening, the BNP have had better election results than the Labour Party, a bunch of racist twats are representing us in Brussels.

Yeah, so after that political rant...This song is almost bringing me to tears...I only just realised I had it on loop. So what have I been doing today? I got up (that's a given to be honest), realised a bunch of Canadians were in my house - don't ask...Anyway, they didn't stay long, which was good, I didn't make a great first impression, wondered down the stairs with a dressing gown half draped over me, mumbling 'If you've eaten the last of the Clusters Campbell, I'll bloody kill you'. He hadn't by the way, nobody got hurt. Much of the remaining hours of the day was spent eating Raisins, avoiding all human contact and just generally not doing anything. I'm sounding like a tramp...I'm not a tramp.

I feel guilty about so many things it's INSANE! Tomorrow, I'll make amends.

Goodbye people,

Tom,
P.S: The tramp similee wasn't great, I'm sounding more like my cat if my cat ate raisins that is.

About me.

I stole all these questions from a Facebook app. Didn't want to do it on Facebook because I just prefer my blog to that site. A lot of people have done a sort of 'who am I?' type of blog entry at some point...I never really have, although you can learn a lot about me from my blog posts, this can be for any random members of the public who find this splodge on the web...Like that guy/girl Bryony has, how did that happen??????

What is your best friend's name?: I don't do favouritism.
Have you ever made out in a movie theater?: And from that question we gather that this application is made by an American, it's CINEMA!!!! And no.
Do you have any peircings?: Not that I'm aware of
What's the strangest talent you have?: Erm...I have a very unique way of bowling an off cutter, if that's a talent?
What's your favorite flavored Pringles?: Probably the original sort, Pringles are evil however.
Have you ever been tied up?: What the hell? No...I don't want to be either.
Do you parallel park or drive around the block?: I don't even drive.
Have you ever had two dates in one night?: God no.
How many times have you been cussed out?: I don't even know what that means.
Which shoe do you put on first?: Left...No right...OH GOD!!!!! Ok right it is and yeah I did check.
How old are you?: 16
Have you ever been to a gay bar?: Nope
Is there one thing all of your ex's have had in common?: That shouldn't really be plural to be honest. Unless you're counting 2 days as a relationship? In which case they were both stalkers.
Did you french kiss before you were 16?: I don't like the French...But yeah French kissing's rather fun, moving on...
Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you?: Yes...And it was offensive in many ways.
Have you ever found anything gross in your parent's bedroom?: I found a really ugly stripey jumper.
What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?: I DON'T DRIVE!!!!
How do you normally eat your cookies?: What else do you do with them?
When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt?: Last time I was in a gym I watched Bargain Hunt and got really pissed off because the blue team won and they were from Liverpool.
Name something you do when you're alone?: Wonder where the hell my cat is.
How many drinks does it take before you get drunk?: Not that many, if anybody leaves any comments about a tree they will be swiftly deleted.
How often do you clean out your ears?: I don't...Is that bad?
Do you have any strange phobias?: I have a phobia about having a strange phobia.
Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted?: Ah...I should never have played that shot.
Have you ever been drunk at work?: Hungover yes, not drunk.
Do you want to bring sexy back?: Who's sexy?
What are you listening to right now?: Open Your eyes - Snow Patrol
What was the last thing you ate?: This really horrible fish pie.
If you were a crayon what color would you be?: I'M A CRAYON?!?!?!??!?!
How is the weather right now?: It's pretty bleak.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?: This angry guy from BT.
The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: They're the opposite sex.
Favorite month?: Hmmm....July.
Have you ever cried for no reason?: Only upon finding out there was a reason. I had dislocated my knee. Not that I cried.
What was the last movie you watched?: Vantage Point.
Favorite Day of the Year?: Christmas Day is quite cool.
Hugs or Kisses?: A combination?
Chocolate or Vanilla?: Chocolate or Vanilla what?
Do you want your friends to fill this out?: It's pretty fucking pointless.
Piercings?: I swear we've had that one before.
what were you doing before this?: Playing Commander in Chief
Been caught doing something you weren't supposed to do?: Not really
Have you ever loved someone?: Yes.
Are you still friends with people from kindergarten?: Nope....Oh...No.
Do you like to travel by plane?: Only if I get a window seat.
Right-handed or Left-handed?: Depends.
How many pillows do you sleep with?: Two.
Anybody on Facebook that you'd go on a date with?: Well yes.
Have you ever found your gf/bf's sibling more attractive?: Hell no.

That was a fucking waste of time.

Tom,

The nutters in orange.

Evening folks. What have I done today? Well, no revision...For the second day running, somethings telling me that's a bad thing..I'll do some tomorrow. I've been playing a lot of Commander in Chief, got a bit bored and basically shot this country in the foot when I declared war against China, ok...I rather shot this country square in the head.

So yesterday, I decide to watch a bit of twenty20, England V Netherlands, certain victory, it's the Dutch for Christ sake. Oh dear, oh dear, instead watching that game just contributed to my spiralling depression and lack of faith in Collingwood as a captain/decent player... Ha! Watching Rob Key (aka Pie Man) dive around the outfield was pretty amusing though.
I think I'm going to go have a bath now or write some more to my book...Maybe both...No that wouldn't be a good idea.

Tom,

P.S: MY FAVOURITE SONG AT THE MOMENT!!!

James McQuillan.

An ABSOLUTE legend, I seriously want him to publish a book of similes. His boardroom exit after being fried was fantastic, 'Cheerio,'...Then just as he was half way out the door, turned back to round to face Sir Allan and in a harsh yet passionate voice mumbled 'It's been brilliant!' It sent the remaining candidates into tears.

Tom,

Calmed down now.

Everythings fine.....

Piss off I'm not Malfoy.

To add to further personal woe am now down to my last two Mr's Bridges...Never before have I felt so much of an appending doom waiting for me, they will probably be finished before tomorrow morning, it's an act of such beauty and magnificance I may just have to kill myself.

In other news, I did this stupid 'What house would you be in Hogwarts?' App on Facebook and ended up being a 'Perfect Slytherin' which is just ridiculous. Social networking is really annoying, not just Facebook, Myface, Bebo all of them are just silly. Yeah, so I'm feeling pretty low right now...OH ONE GOOD THING THOUGH! Probably my third best gaming acheviement thus far, I won an Ashes series in Australia on Cricket Manager 2008. Anywaaaay, I'm going to shout a lot and kick some stuff...BECAUSE THAT HELPS!! AND IF ANYONE DARES CHALLENGE THAT VIEW I WILL PERSONALLY FIND A WAY (probably with the help of this sites help features) TO BAN YOU FROM EVER READING THIS STUPID LITTLE SPLODGE ON THE INTERNET.

ME!! WHO ELSE EVER WRITES THIS???????

P.S: Dear Slytherin applicant,

You have received this owl because you (or someone else) used this email address to enroll as a member of Slytherin House. If this is in error, please reply to this owl to let us know, and we will remove you from the pending list as soon as possible.

Currently, you have been placed on the members queue for Professor Snape's approval. You are not yet part of Slytherin House. Once Professor Snape has gone over your submission and if he accepts you into the esteemed House of Slytherin, you will receive a second owl to notify you that you have been accepted.

OH MY GOD I'M NOT ACTUALLY GOING TO LEARN MAGIC AM I???????
P.S.S: Myface was a deliberate mistake...
P.S.S.S: I don't even like Harry Potter. The 'person' and the books/films/merchandise