Life will never be the same again.

Some of you may have noticed the Google transcribe audio feature on Youtube. I mentioned it a few posts ago, basically on some Youtube videos you'll see a little CC button on the video you're playing, if you click that, select English Transcibre Audio or something similar sounding, a transcript of the video you're playing should magically appear. I presume this is to aid deaf people and those without speakers, now everyone can enjoy YouTube! Well...Not quite, as I discovered when I tried to get a transcript for a highly amusing scene in In The Loop. This was the sorry result:

(That in bold is what Youtube and Google believe to be what is being said)/

Yeah, Tobes - The Times
I don't want to have to read you the riot act here, but I am going to have to read some sections from the riot act - Fidelity the laws had stayed behind and congratulate you think that struck from the right time
Like section one, paragraph one, don't leave your boss twisting in the wind - section one have lost one the need to bolster twisting in the wind
And then burst in late smelling like a pissed seaside donkey - and blow stimulates smelling like case seesawed some cases
Yeah, alright, I was late but it's not like I threw up in there is it? - the priest the sheik on these little marks on his late coming to some kind of salary
No, you're right, I'm being unfair - And that it's not night, I'm going on fat
I should be thanking you for not throwing up - I should be franken from not throwing out
Well done, you're a star, and you didn't wet yourself did you? You're in the right city! - your skull needed what itself to take in Iraq is succeeding wouldn't say anything the the
And you didn't get your dick out, and start plucking it yelling willy banjo! - latest the gene pull cue to stop talking and shouting we need the whole show
No I'm being really unfair, you got so much right, without actually being there for one of the most important moments of my career - Including William Fact, what's right, without actual saying that the beginning of one of the most important moments of North Korea

I think the last one is the best.

Gah! Just finished watching the first of the election debate shows, Ask The Chancellors. Vince was awesome, he got the most applauses and after taking a quick browse through the after-show polls and tweets, is scoring the best from the public, good! He's a thorough economist and actually quite a funny guy, who can forget the infamous 'In a week the Prime Minister has gone from Stalin to Mr. Bean,' quirps? One of the best lines in PMQ's ever. Alastair was surprisingly ok, not overly convincing, but loved his quip to Weasel-twat, 'Nothing like cross-party cooperation George!' The one thing which I have gained after watching that show is a sour, bitter hatred for George Osborne, the Eton educated (much like the majority of the Shadow Cabinet) shallow and pathetic MP that he is...I've very rarely hated a politician to this extent, but the amount of complete tosh that came flying from his ugly face. Vince Cable actually laid down some figures, got to the bloody point, George was all 'Labour sucks, I hate them, they steal my ideas...' And his comment at the end, 'And in no disrespect to the Liberal Democrats, but there are only two parties who will win the up coming election, either Labour or the Tories.' WHAT????!?!?! JUST WHAT??? WHY DOES THAT MAN THINK THERE ARE THREE OF THEM STANDING THERE THEN? *Begins to shake with rage*.

Oh how I long for a job in the civil service, would love to be an official party speech writer, such an insanely cool position. Am very against being an MP, just because I couldn't stand being constantly nice to my moaning constituents, 'My garden wall is falling down! What are you going to do about it?'
'Nothing, fuck off out my office.' No, me being an MP is never going to work, I don't have the patience, dedication to party and country or the drive.

Talking of jobs - I have an interview on Wednesday. All of this pushed through by my Mother, *growls*. Finally ordered earlier the In The Loop DVD, chose the Super-Royal Mail- Really Quick - But not that quick - But quicker than standard - And will cost you a bit more option. Not sure why...Simply because I want it by tomorrow to try and elevate me from a sinking mood? Not that I feel my mood is sinking like the Titanic or even worse the Lusitania, in the sense that it's all 'Oh crap an emotional iceberg/Torpedo, quick try and avoid it....Shit. How long have we got? Couple of hours I guess, can we get everyone out? Nah...Not a chance, so we're fucked? Yeah, badly.' No, my sinking is more, 'Oh I see, I've stepped in some sinking sand...Gradually pulling me down to an oxygen deprived death, this is a bit annoying, and I can't seem to get out...Help?' Some DEEP metaphors here. I also have a really evil plan in the works, the likes of which if it were to be leaked would be the most challenging PR war I can imagine, not that that is an incentive to initiate it.

Feeling crap and hungry...RICE PUDDING SOLVES BOTH THESE ISSUES! Hooray!

The BEST trailer the BBC have ever produced. But why a Thursday now? HIGNFY too bad for a Friday? Well?


I don't care if the below offends any religious loyal disciples of mine (lol at the irony). Open your minds, people!



Tom,

P.S: The Pig of Happiness just takes the piss now.
P.S.S: I say 'The BEST trailer...' Didn't like the bit where they showed Alastair Campbell having a panic attack on air, that's a little insensitive. BORIS IS AWESOME.

200.

I did have this awe inspiring idea for my 200th entry. To write a topical and current post which actually makes sense but made up entirely of sentences from my last 199 posts. I wrote a paragraph like this, but it really didn't make a great deal of sense and failed (being an understatement) at explaining what I had done today. I can't even recall what if I did anything for my 100th post...One moment please...Oh I see, I quote from my 150th post: 'I'm the first to reach 150 posts. I rather forgot about the 100th, but hey, let's make a big deal out of the 150.' Well, in that case, I'll do something out of the ordinary for 250.

Firstly, let me draw your attention to the below, another beautifully crafted video by NCISmelanie, who must, MUST be professional...

It's like the ultimate trailer for the show. Actually made me feel quite emotional after first viewing. I hate emotions. Sorry Darwin, I have to disagree with you on a few areas of the whole Natural Selection thing, you claim (why the hell am I addressing, almost in the fashion of a court of law, a dead guy?) that every feature of every species, every arm, every toe, every habit exists for an evolutionary purpose...I can see this on a few areas, humans need arms to do stuff, climb trees, build things, we need toes for...support, perhaps? Habits, the human habit of clothing, makes sense given our species lack of fur, cats cleaning themselves given their lack of taking a shower and applying shower gel - This I accept and understand. But emotions? What do we need emotions for? Well, maybe a few are useful I guess, fear is probably handy every now and again, observe the following:

Three caveman in their cave debating the origins of democracy, their afternoon art session is rudely interrupted by the snarl of a Saber Tooth Tiger, the first caveman (Robert Peel) is scared and runs away, in consequence he survives. The second caveman (William Hague) decides to fight the Tiger, a good move, and he would have survived if he had done his Nintendo DS Stabby The Tiger's Eye Out Daily Training. The third caveman is not angry at the Tiger, unlike William Hague, and doesn't fear it, unlike Peel, indeed our third caveman (John Prescott) has no emotion. He stands blankly, confused at what the other lot are doing, and invites the Tiger to the art session, the Tiger devours him.

I see how emotion helps there. Fear, anger and love (though the last two could be toned down a notch) seem useful for the human race. Things like revenge, remorse, guilt, empathy, are these really needed? I guess they make things a bit more interesting, that's the only counter-argument I can see being thrown at me. I guess it's a fair one, interesting is cool.

Someone replied to a comment I made on a Youtube video with the word 'Die.' That's rude, at least my comment was constructive. I can't copy and paste it because it received so many thumbs down, something I've never been a fan of, what gives us the right to, in the style of Roman Emperors, judge other people's opinions? That was weird, I looked at a url and started laughing at all the jumbled letters and numbers. I'm finally losing it - awesome.

Going to send an email to Alastair Campbell later, asking about how best to enter the civil service, stuff I can do to aid in the process etc...I started reading his fanbrilliant book, The Blair Years - Extracts from the Alastair Campbell diaries. Found it very difficult to put down, at half two in the morning I accepted the fact that this was fast becoming my favourite book, a bit sad having a work of non-fiction as your favourite book, but I find I hardly read any fiction these days...Instead I prefer to find my escape in TV, things like House, Lost, The Thick of It, in fact non-fictional TV, apart from a few panel shows, I find pretty dull, though I did watch a fairly interesting documentary about the Home Office this morning, there wasn't really anything else on...And I'm not sure why I was awake at 8 o'clock anyway, not that I'm complaining, I did most of my work before midday which was a plus.

ENOUGH NONSENSE.

Tom,
P.S: I have gained a new loyal disciple, 15 now, no idea who you are, thank you anyway. JESUS SUCKS.
P.S.S: Pretending to care gets boring. A fact of life we should all learn to embrace.
P.S.S.S: Added some new blog features. It was about time.
P.S.S.S.S: Don't think my video quite fits the page, grr! I reccomend House fans to follow this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtA4gcDasR8

Migraine.

What do we know of the heart of a man who is yet living? It is only in death that we are truly ourselves, a prince can crumble in the face of cowardice, whereas a villain can show himself a lifelong true man - Typed that from memory. Those being the words of the great William Shakespeare, who I have to briefly portray, of course they are not actually the words of Shakespeare, they're the words of someone pretending to be Shakespeare, and thus fail. Nobody can imitate Shakespeare, don't even try. Actually, I have to sit there and read Shakespeare for a while, got a bit carried away and forgot about the whole acting thing, Henry VI is a really good play, and Romeo and Juliet has some beautiful lines...
To soar with his light feathers, and so bound,
I cannot bound a pitch above dull woe:
Under love's heavy burden do I sink.

Wow.

I don't even know what England's score is at the moment, I've heard from inconsistent sources that we're winning...? I watched some IPL yesterday, all the matches streamed live on Youtube, which is one hell of an awesome move by the ICC. I remember Andrew Symonds tore apart everything which was hurtled towards him, but fail to recall who actually won the match. Damn. Hope it was the Deccan Chargers.

Going to sleep.

Tom,
P.S: WHY IS THAT PIG SO HAPPY?
P.S.S: Next post is my 200th, how very exciting.
P.S.S.S: I am trying to imagine all the people, John. There's just so damn many.

Clubbed to Death.

The title is inspired from the song I've been listening to for about half an hour, not some agitated threat or personal recollection. I like how the song sounds like a printer at various points. Printer music, pretty sure somebody has already done that...

Yep, the bloody Czechs have. I didn't make it to the end of that video either. I don't like how blogger only advertises specialist blogs on the Blogger Buzz feature, that's supposed to highlight the best of the blogs within the whole blogger spectrum, does it really though? It just seems to be filled with such uninteresting crap like...

A. THE HOUSE IN MARRAKESH - http://thehouseinmarrakesh.blogspot.com/ - A blog about a man in Morrocco, his awful camera and a lot of terracotta pots. 1212 followers though, so I'm obviously missing something.

B. Madame Lamb - http://www.madamelamb.com/ - This actually made me feel sick, some talentless reject reviewing 'art'. 1017 followers.

C. Abby's Blog - http://soloround.blogspot.com/ - A blog which should be renamed to 'Me (Abby) and my sailing boat.'

D. A Hungry Bear Won't Dance - http://www.ahungrybearwontdance.com/ - Unfortunately, this wasn't a blog about Bear torment. It was about cooking, the cooking of really ugly looking meals.
'When I opened the bag of earthy mushrooms I detected a faint cinnamon fragrance, which gave me an idea. I’d make chicken soup with cinnamon.'
That timeless anecdote attracted 14 comments, from 958 followers. Oh, and she looks like a damned psychopath:https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhI5lpZG7DDJjg2IFUhfDY6tSDVxw2jEaXZgwirQTk3mgc7kGN_FrlJZBH0BVXtiDF6kMHYpAl-fTF7GsMbhg0GHA37oB4Pzru8bmxkV_KcXdRYjLLS2g4-5fIlDD_X4cFOeunkemvoDKU/s220-h/BanuFlorida2.jpg

Am I the only one who finds blogs about people's personal lives interesting? I had a browse around, simply by following one followers link, then another... etcetera, etcetera, but found you generally get three types of blog (ignoring the irritating ones mentioned earlier), ones like this which deal with a mixture of personal and topical to the person issues, idiotic but amusing ones full of such things as...
'Plain and simple ..she's a bitch . She uses ue when she has no one else . She already has no friends ! Why is tht ?!' http://mstayls.blogspot.com/.
Orrrrr... you get the insecure types, these I find more interesting, per esempio...
'can't believe I'm in love. I honestly never thought I would ever be in actual love with a guy who actually loves me back.' Actual love? Actually loving back? Actually sounds actual. http://limitedcountdown.blogspot.com/.

I've done my bit for Karma by doing a fuck-load of other people's blogs some advertising. That does count to Karma right? Even if I'm criticising some of them, I'm still essentially selling them. Sticking on this World of the Internet theme, I've got so many fucking favourited videos on Youtube, that it takes me an unacceptable amount of time to find one, when my semi-functioning sub-conscience recalls a video to my conscience. The day Youtube creates self naming favouriting categories, I will be marginally content with that site. Arsenal have scored (again), I can hear shrieking. Oh, how I do not belong.

And on Horizon right now, a pretty deep sounding documentary, 'Is everything we know about the universe wrong?' Wow, that's credit for the licence fee right there. Wahey, a media tangent! I can now briefly talk about my NEW third favourite film (sorry Independence Day), In The Loop. Being an avid The Thick of It fan, I was naturally liking this film from before I even started watching it...Genius writing, superb acting, and no other form of media has ever persuaded me more into a career, political spin. Chief Whip, Director of Communications, Press Officer, Senior Press Officer, Press Secretary, Adviser...All I will gladly adopt.

Drama wasn't so bad today. That wasn't even a typo. I was expecting some catastrophe of a day today, no...A catastrofuck. Actuuuaaallllyyyy, I bloody profited! Thomas Williams is now public enemy number 2! After Sam's pretty damn awesome argument with the group (but me who watched oh so amused), near fight with Crazy Dave and walking out, everybody concluded he was the 'Wanker' amongst us and that I, Tom, were in fact 'Trying really hard lately.' All I've done is looked at my script, I seem to be able to muster a photographic memory for the most useless of tasks, all my lines are near enough stored. Still getting messages from the anti-Christ legion on Facebook though,
'I have paint and brushes :D Shall bring it all in tomorrow so bring some painting clothes.' What? We're painting now, fuck the what for? Have we taken up my idea to camouflage Dave into the set?

I was described as 'more angry than usual' yesterday. That wasn't even angry, that was mildly peeved, idiots. Why are the Corrs such an attractive family? Apart from Jim, who looks like some Bono wannabe, pah...Natural selection gone nuts. I'm developing the ability to listen to a song and not instantly start questioning its lyrics, just to enjoy it (THANK YOU BOOTLEG BEATLES), I might even play my 'Sickly Romantic playlist.' No, no, no need to go mental.

Tom,
P.S: WHAT A LONG POST.
P.S.S: Ollie, feel free to call:
Wednesday, from 1-3.
Thursday, 11:30 - 2
Friday, 1-2.
Your dedication to annoying my group IS appreciated.
P.S.S.S: THE HOUSE THEME TUNE JUST WENT RIGHT THROUGH MY BRAIN.

The aftermath of the best day of 2010 thus far.

Tom,
P.S: Bryony actually made the hashed song on the previous post. I implore you to send it to me so I can upload it.
P.S.S: My homework diary harbours too many scribbled messages telling me to work, I refuse to even look.
P.S.S.S: Drama rehearsals after school every day next week, ahhahahahahhahafhsgfsdhfsdhfsdfgsdhugfsd...Laughter which turned into violent stabbing of script.

Here, There and Everywhere.

Fuck. Hate to use a cliché (or any word which requires an accent for that matter), but it seems like only yesterday (when love was such an easy game to play) when I gave thirty sterling to Bes, to which he presumably went and purchased, as well as for himself, a Bootleg Beatles ticket. It's tomorrow, I'm seeing my favourite band live, and don't bother commenting some rubbish about them splitting up in the 70s, I don't buy it. A select body at the UN, who manage Western media, realised in 1970 that The Beatles were so incredible, so outstandingly popular, that to keep the market alive and healthy, they had to be eliminated. Once this argument was proposed to the four of them, all but Ringo who got a bit mad, accepted it, that's the sort of nice guys they are! Then the UN had the nerve to fear a reunion and hire some Christian psycho to murder John Lennon...Christians, always murdering innocent people, *shakes fist*. Anyway, long story short, Paul and Ringo, who somehow had obtained extracts of John and George's DNA, made clones, and started The Bootleg Beatles, almost identical to The Beatles, but very slightly different, enough to fool those UN pricks.

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

I saw a film today
The English Army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
but I just had to look
Having read the book
I'd love to turn you on

You didn't run, you didn't lie
You knew I wanted just to hold you
Had you gone, you knew in time, we'd meet again
For I had told you

You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead
You think she needs you

If I needed someone to love
You're the one that I'd be thinking of
If I needed someone

IT'S SOME CRAZY BEATLES REMIX. If anyone's interested, in order of occurrence, the above song I have crafted in about thirty seconds, Let It Be, A Day In The Life, Got To Get You Into My Life, For No One and If I Needed Someone. I think I am actually going to make this on Audacity now...IF...IF...I could motivate myself to do so. Recently, past few days anyway, I have had an issues with motivation. Yesterday (when love was such an easy game to play) par exemple I ended up going to bed at about 7:30, just because I didn't seem to have the energy to work, write my book, even to watch House. I just wanted to sleep. Stupid brain couldn't even manage that, just decided to torture me by refusing to fade from consciousness. How I sometimes want to be my cat, just for a day, he doesn't have to worry about anything, sleeps around, eats some food, aaannnnddddd back to former. Of course, I'm being very naive, I have no idea quite what Hodge gets up to half the time. I dread to think.

Evidently though, I have enough motivation to write this nonsense across the Internet. Irritatingly, though occasionally I haven't had the energy to feel irritated, I've been accused of being more sour than usual, something I feel is unjust. Why does everyone suddenly have an issue with rudeness? Pah.

MY GOD! Do I love, LOVE, with all my tiny heart, The Thick Of It. Definitely as good as Peep Show, certainly the best political sitcom I've ever come across. Adore it on a more personal level seeing as I really want to go into the Civil Service for a while, as well as writing STUFF in my spare time of course, working in political spin, or press management, being paid to manipulate people...A dream.




Tom,
P.S: How can anyone find those clips not hilarious?
P.S.S: What the fuck is up with Transcribe Audio? That's actually supposed to aid deaf people? Cripes.
P.S.S.S: Every C of E school should have a copy of The God Delusion.
P.S.S.S.S: I'm going on a train tomorrow. A TRAIN. So going to film this.

Birmingham.

Tom,
P.S: Don't change to the updated Blogger editor, it's ridiculous.