If I were Jack Dawson from the film Titanic, there would be a series of noticeable differences....

1. I would have lived, either I would have formed some GENIUS plan to get us both rescued, or that ginger girl can get her own board.
2. I would have been upper class, even if I wasn't. Would have stolen that fat American woman's son's dinner jacket not just 'borrowed' it, from then I would simply wonder around the first class decks, talking about my shares in Asquith's government and the pending war.
3. It's lovely and everything, but kissing on the front of the ship...Bit of a health hazard, sorry.
4. My drawings would all be stick men/women.
5. I'm not very good at poker, would probably never have won those tickets in the first place, film would have taken a more bizarre course involving me sitting in a pub in Southampton, crying.
6. I would have stolen that diamond.
7. I would have forced Rose to apologise to that man for sticking her middle finger up at him, running away is bad enough, but that was just unnecessary.
8. I would have just stolen a lot of stuff in general.
9. I doubt Rose really would have been that impressed by my stick drawings, my inability to spit, my bizarre knowledge about wars yet to happen and my disturbing personality links with her fiance.
10. Wouldn't have been able to tap dance.
11. Would have had the caviar.
12. Probably would have found some way to film everything.
13. My 'Don't jump,' talk probably wouldn't have been that effective, she would have jumped and unlike Jack...I'm not going in after her, he's pointed out it would be cold, how about the very real chance of the propellers sucking her under and proceeding to grind her up into very tiny, little, ginger pieces?
14. I would have so kicked off when Cal started shooting at me, it's pretty certain we're going to die anyway, give us a break.
15. Similar to the above, would have yelled a lot at that guy's failure to pass keys to me.
16. Good chance I would have respected the fact that that particular car was someone elses property.

Yeah, I was ill today, watched a film (guess which one!). I find it sad for all the wrong reasons, why oh why could I not have been born in Edwardian society?

Also, I received a disturbing email today: It's me David, get this I HAVE THE INTERNET NOW! DAVID IS ONLINE GOD HELP THE WORLD! The enemy appears to be mobilising, I have contingency protocols in place for this, everything will be fine.
WHAT WAS HAPPENING EXACTLY A YEAR AGO IN MY LIFE, THESE QUOTES SHOULD INFORM YOU:
'Last day of half term today.'
'Might have to employ S's services as a bodyguard to combat the evil work of Angry Girl.'
'Tried watching Top Gear on iplayer earlier, nope it just wasnt having any of it, how annoying.'

Tom,
P.S: I would have made my own lifeboat out of a wardrobe.