How does Tom Williams celebrate the new year?

Tom,
P.S: The cat DID return, with girls!.....No, he didn't.

Review of 2009.

Jesus...Unfortunately, I don't really know how to write this. Have a badger at my shortest ever video blog, a montage of ramblings...

Quotes of 2009.

Quotes of the year. Here they are...

‘Break rank! Break rank!’ – Used whenever something vaguely dramatic happens, unsure who first initiated the command.

Tom Williams: ‘Thank you Riddle Man! You have saved the village!’

David Thomas: ‘There are men with guns in here…’

Tom Williams: ‘Gentlemen…Close the doors.’ – Followed by David Thomas and Seb Davies both simultaneously and in perfect synchronisation closing the double doors.

Louis Le Breuilly: ‘The Death Star!’

Tom Williams: ‘It’s time, I’m initiating Operation Barbarossa.’
David Thomas (with genuine concern): ‘Oh…SHIT!’

Seb Davies: ‘You still like her, don’t you?’
Tom Williams: ‘No,’
Seb Davies: ‘Oh, ok,’
Tom Williams: ‘You’re still a cock, aren’t you?’

Bryony Smith: ‘Look Tom! I’ve found Dee!’ – holding a Swiss roll.

David Thomas: ‘Gravity accelerator 5!’
Tom Williams: ‘No David, that’s a weight.’

Tom Williams: ‘It’s always five to nine!’

Jess Smith: ‘Yes, you did David!’
David Thomas: ‘I didn’t throw it!’
Jess Smith: ‘Then, what’s that I can feel in my bra?’
Tom Williams: ‘Err…Your breast?’

Tom Williams: ‘I don’t like this,’
Seb Davies: ‘Don’t like what?’
Tom Williams: ‘This room…! There’s too many happy people, too many young people, too many young and happy people.’
Seb Davies: ‘Oh yes, silly me to pick a room boasting happiness.’
Tom Williams: ‘Silly you.’

Kirstie Smith: ‘Hey Tom,’
Tom Williams (after pausing iPod): ‘Ah...No…No, no, you can wait until the song ends.’

Louis Le Breuilly: ‘In...Squishy, squishy…Out!’

David Thomas: ‘Tom! Wait!’
Tom Williams: ‘You know you’re the most disappointing stalker I’ve ever had?’

Louis Le Breuilly: ‘Parsnip…?’

Tom Williams: ‘What have you got from the shop, Bryony?’
Bryony Smith: ‘Fake teeth, fake blood and…A FLAPJACK!’

Seb Davies: ‘Who you talking about?’
David Thomas: ‘Keira Knightley or Taylor Swift?’
Seb Davies: ‘Oh tough call..’
Tom Williams: ‘I said Taylor,’
Seb Davies: ‘I dunno…’
David Thomas: ‘In fairness I’d do both,’
Moments pause.
Tom Williams: ‘Oh my God! We’ve known each other for, how long…? And this is the first time we’ve ever had such a manly debate, ‘Oh I’d love to do her’, ‘Oh I’d give her one’, fucking hell guys, what have we become?
David Thomas: ‘Yeah, it is a bit weird…’
Tom Williams: ’Lets just pretend the past five minutes never happened.’

Chloe Guy: ‘You’re just taking those Tic-Tacs to be more like House,’
Tom Williams: ‘Shut up…! The others haven’t figured out yet.’

Seb Davies: ‘We’re going,’
Maddie Pegrum: ‘Why?’
Seb Davies: ‘Tom wants to talk to some girls over there,’
Tom Williams (to Maddie): ‘No, I don’t, I just want my Prit Stick back,’
Tom Williams (in a hushed voice to Seb): ‘Must you always make me look like some sex fiend?’
Seb Davies: ‘What? You want to talk to them?’
Tom Williams: ‘To get my glue!’

David Thomas: ‘I NEED TO CHECK YOUR EYES!’

Ollie Beaney (trying to pick what to buy): ‘You coming here has just made me realise how awful I am at making decisions.’

Chloe Guy (holding out arms for a hug)
Tom Williams: Awww…Sweet, you’re trying to fly again.
Chloe Guy: You’re a…Really horrible person!

Ollie Gummary: ‘We can go in the Common Room?’
Tom Williams: ‘Ah…I dunno, it makes me feel agitated’
Ollie Gummary: ‘Why?’
Tom Williams: ‘It’s full of common people.’

Tom Williams: ‘Fuck the what?’
Max South, Matt Smith, other football related people: Hysterical laughter.
Tom Williams: ‘My God…I’m bonding with the idiots,’
Max South, Matt Smith, other football related people: More laughter.

Tom Williams: ‘What are you doing, Campbell?’
Campbell Williams: ‘Doing life.’

Tom Williams: ‘I’m hunting sheep!’
Bryony Smith: ‘Oh Jesus…’

Tom Williams: ‘I don’t actually believe that’s the time…The numbers look too small.’

Alex Kennedy: ‘Just imagine if the interviewer asks…Tell us something interesting about yourself,’
Tom Williams: ‘Ah yes, I’ve got that covered…Until two weeks ago, I was, in fact, a tabby cat.’

Tom Williams: ‘Well, David did once have this tiny little ginger girlfriend,’
Moments pause
Jess Smith: ‘Now, are you sure that wasn’t a blow up?’

Whilst browsing in a shop
Very masculine, Scottish accent: ‘You alright, David?’
David throws terrified look to Tom,
Tom Williams: ‘Break rank! Break rank!’

Whilst trying to pass through border control into Ollie’s newly born nation.
Ollie Beaney: ‘And your forename is?’
Tom Williams: ‘Williams,’
Ollie Beaney: ‘And you’re sure that’s your forename?’
Tom Williams ‘…OH FUCK!’

On corridor duty
Tom Williams: ‘She’s…quite attractive,’
Seb Davies laughs
Tom Williams: ‘What’s funny?’
Seb Davies: ‘I was just debating if I should mention it,’
From this, we then decided to try something pretty revolutionary; we would be manly and ‘rate’ year 10-11 girls.
Tom Williams: ‘Woah!’
Seb Davies: ‘Woaaah!’
Tom Williams: ‘I think we have an 8!’
Seb Davies: ‘Hell yes!’
High fives.
Tom Williams (To number 8): ‘Hi!’
Seb Davies (To number 8): ‘Hi!’
Number 8 walks out
Seb Davies: 'I don’t think she heard us,'
Tom Williams: ‘No, Seb, she ignored us.’

Hannah Apperley: ‘And he’s just been sending me…like all these weird texts, for ages now, so in the end I just told him to… FUCK OFF!’

Seb Davies: ‘Oh, Tom! There are now only three people I trust in the world, you, Georgia and…This dog who visits me at weekends.’

Tom Williams: ‘Rejoice! David’s lost his voice!’

Upon opening a packet, Tom accidently spills some wine gums over the pavement.
Tom Williams: ‘Oh…SHIT!’
Seb Davies: ‘Fuck!’
Tom Williams: ‘What do we do? What do we do?’
Seb Davies: ‘Kick them!’
Seb and Tom kick the wine gums into a hedgerow.
Tom Williams: ‘Now what?’
Seb Davies: ‘RUN!’
The two of them sprint away.

On corridor duty:
Tom Williams: ‘Yes?’
Year 7 child: ‘Science teacher,’
Tom Williams: ‘Well, I’m not one of them,’
Tom closes the door.

Seb Davies: ‘Tom, what the hell?’
Tom Williams: ‘The common rooms been locked…I’m observing how the common people are reacting to their common room being taken away,’
Seb Davies: ‘Why’s it been locked?’
Tom Williams: ‘Because of a ‘mess.’ Seriously, by 10, these guys are going to use Mr Morgan as a battering ram, chanting: ‘You’re the mess! You’re the mess!’ they’re rather agitated as it is.’

David Thomas: ‘Tom, I need to talk to you about something,’
Tom Williams: Yeah, sure, ok…Actually, hold on…’
Tom gazes up at the sky briefly
Tom Williams: ‘Oh no, wait, sorry, I don’t care!’

Whilst filming his day
Tom Williams: ‘James! You’re part of my day!’
James Ager: ‘I’m part of my…! I’m part of my day? I’m part of your day as well!’

Tom Williams: ‘Chinooks at fucking 3am! What is this?’

Tom Williams: 'You could ask Simon for change,'
David Thomas: 'No, because I don't just want a button with '10p' scribbled over it.'



MSN CONVERSATIONS:

Ollie Beaney: I’M GOING TO FUCK THE SYSTEM SO HARD!
Tom Williams: Don't fuck it too hard, we don't want to rape the system.

Tom Williams: I’m trying to work out how a laptop can ejaculate, ok?
Tom Williams: It’s difficult.
April Wood: Tom.
April Wood: Allen is a guinea pig.

Ollie Beaney: Medic won’t come…Medics never come.


Commentary to Doctor Who:
Ollie Beaney: Asian girl getting bumfucked.
Tom Williams: That is exactly what is happening.
Tom Williams: Anal rape on Mars.
Tom Williams: None of us saw that coming.
Ollie Beaney: Shit.
Ollie Beaney: Horror movie plot right there.
Ollie Beaney: Anal rapists from mars.


Tom Williams says: HAVE YOU GOT THE COLLOOOUUUURSSS?????
Seb Davies says: WHHHHHYY YEEEEESSSS!!!!
Tom Williams says: Good.

Ollie Beaney: In psych today, my teacher said that Freud built up relations with his subjects by sleeping with a lot of them,
Ollie Beaney: Take a guess at what I’m going to ask for now,
Tom Williams: Haha, go on
Ollie Beaney : Freud porn
Ollie Beaney : I want Freud porn
Tom Williams: I want Darwin Porn, imagine how fucked up that would be!?!
Ollie Beaney : Very
Ollie Beaney : Would he be fucking monkeys under the excuse "they'll be humans one day.'

Tom Williams: TOMORROW
Ollie Beaney: ‘What about it?
Tom Williams: Free house from 7 to 11
Ollie Beaney: At night?
Tom Williams: From 7am to 11pm,
Ollie Beaney: 1. Invite girls over.
Ollie Beaney: 2. ???
Ollie Beaney: 3. PROFIT!

Ollie Beaney: Although, I am considering putting a spanner in my hat.
Tom Williams: What about a pasty?
Ollie Beaney: That’d just make you look like a hobo, who’s perhaps in some strange Pasty cult,
Tom Williams: Ah yeah, can’t associate with them these days after that court hearing.
Ollie Beaney: Yeah, especially after the whole human sacrifice thing… Still, must have been a delicious pasty.
Tom Williams: Bloody was.

Tom Williams: I’LL GIVE YOU A RING-A-DING-LING.
Seb Davies: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Tom Williams: Strap on is ‘No parts’ backwards.
Ollie Beaney: INTERNATIONAL CONSPIRACY
Tom Williams: EXACTLY MY THINKING!
Tom Williams: Wait…This is relevant to the strap on revelation?
Ollie Beaney: Yes.
Tom Williams: Nobody will ever ask you that again, guaranteed.

Jess Smith: It’s ok, was just worried that your crazy neighbour or gremlins had got you,
Tom Williams: I have evidence to suggest that they’re the same thing.

Ollie BeaneY: LOOKED AT IT?
Tom Williams: How do I unlook?...This is just like the time you sent me that Nazi porn.
Tom Williams: See, the funny thing is, you actually did send me that.

Tom Williams: WHAT WOULD YOU CALL THAT MAN?
Tom Williams: Don’t say ‘a cock.’
Ollie Beaney: A cock
Ollie Beaney: (Yes, I said that because you told me not to).
Tom Williams: Yeah, and I guess reverse psychology is just going to go straight through you?
Tom Williams: Don’t say ‘cock.’
Ollie Beaney: Cock.

Ollie Beaney: That’s the rest of the conversation.
Tom Williams: I…I…I don’t believe I just read that. YOU! You had a wonderful chance! TO CREATE THOUGHT!
Tom Williams: TO PLANT LITTLE SEEDS OF THOUGHT! YOU FUCKING ATE THEM
Tom Williams: WHY ARE YOU EATING YOUR SEEDS?
Ollie Beaney: I’m picking them out of my teeth. I can replant them.
Tom Williams: Good luck trying to FUCKING REPLANT.
Ollie Beaney: I CAN GET A TROWEL!

Ollie Beaney: But if the e-Nazis take over IE, then there will be nothing left to protect Firefox or opera.
Ollie Beaney: They have already conquered Google chrome!
Tom Williams: IE will have to be a sacrifice,
Ollie Beaney: It must be done
Tom Williams: It will buy us time
Tom Williams: Firefox must not fall
Ollie Beaney: It will wipe us off the map, but save the others

Tom Williams: WHY ARE WE TALKING IN CAPS LOCK?
Seb Davies: BECAUSE I'M FUCKNIG NAGRY
Tom Williams: YEAH, I’M NAGRY TOO
Seb Davies: *ANGRY

Tom Williams: A good day then...?
Ollie Beaney: FUCKING ANARCHY.
Tom Williams: Can you stop saying that?


Tom.
P.S: 2010 quotes will start being collected January 1st 2010.

The time has come...

For a new console. I've been very much anti-consoles, of all types, for a considerable while now. No longer do I get the same thrill I used to obtain from running around multi-coloured worlds as Rayman, blasting everything in sight as a Stormtrooper (the Star Wars kind, not the angry Nazi thugs), and batting for so long my thumbs feel like they might pack up, leave and hold some 'Rights for thumbs' march. I much prefer commanding vast armies in strategy games, like the Total War series, managing and coaching a cricket team on Childish Thing's Cricket Captain series and winning/manipulating MP's to back my latest, arguably radical, bill in Commons on games like Commander In Chief - Geo-Political simulator 2009. These, in depth, vastly complicated RTS games just cannot be replicated on a console, you cannot (to such beautiful depth and realism) command a legion to Portugal, and capture Lisbon through immaculate outflanking maneuvers, aided by the much appreciated reinforcement cavalry, hiding in the hills... You just can't, I know there's a fair amount of buttons on a 360 controller, but even then you don't get close to the might of the keyboard. Take the Sims for example, remember that time when some idiots (clearly off their tits) at EA decided to release The Sims 2 on PS2, remember how much of an epic failure that was? How it was so limited, that the Sims was actually forced to deviate from freedom, something Sims games are widely praised for, but was instead restricted to mission type scenarios, objectives? On the Sims?? To say the least, it did not work.
The last game I purchased for my knackered, now ancient, brick of a PS2 was Call of Duty 5 World at War (review in earlier post), loved this game...Although admittedly, I have never played it since its very speedy completion, but considered the game pretty awesome, on a parr with the breathtaking Call of Duty 3. Elated, that a Call of Duty game had been released on the PS2, yet still somewhat curious at the 360/PS3 counterparts, I remember investigating...And feeling horrified beyond all comprehension.
1. The graphics were so, so much better...This I expected though, of course they were going to be better, no surprises there.
2. You could play in Stalingrad...I couldn't...I had to fight the Japs...The Japs ran at me, screaming Japanese, I did not appreciate this.
3. Multiplayer...None on PS2.
4. Online play...None on PS2.
5. 6 different campaigns...2 on PS2.

They had packed the 'modern' and 'shiny' consoles with so many added goodies, it was infuriating, I felt cheated, like I had to own a 360/PS3 to really get the most out of this game....THAT, MY LOYAL DISCIPLES, was precisely what they intended for me to feel, a sense of 'Wow...If only I had a big fat 360, I could even play Modern Warfare, the GAME THEY FORGOT TO RELEASE ON PS2, EVEN AT A TIME WHEN PS2 OWNERSHIP OUTRANKED THAT OF PS3.' I refused to update, to follow the mob, I would stay true to my PS2 (rhyming is fun), and when they eventually stop making PS2 games, I'll just.... Play loads of PC games. Which is what I have been doing. For a long, long time.

I'm content with this. As I have already made clear, I love RTS games the most, and these you can't get on any consoles, I still haven't quite repressed all memories of my FPS days, but I'm fine, I can cope, I'm strong enough to just stick with my Geo-Political Simulators, and force myself to shun those PS3 fools. But, PC games have taken a turn, unlike a console, PC games are played on a PC (just to clear up any confusion over that one), PC's are sporadic gits, who require delicate graphics cards, have something called Windows installed on them, which is like some anti-Christ of an operating system.
Get a mac then? I'm not getting a mac, who makes games for macs? And there is no way in hell I can afford a gaming PC. My own PC, Geoffery, for all that he's good for, stutters and stammers his way through the latest games like a retard through Oscar Wilde.

And then, the final straw. I saw a promotional video for Tom Clancy's EndWar for the 360 earlier. Wow. A strategy game for the 360, I looked at this for a giggle, I ended up being completely won over, very few advertisements have had that effect on me. They have countered the problem of lack of buttons with the voice controller headset device THINGY. You simply command your armies, THROUGH DIRECT ORDERS...'2nd platoon continue suppressing fire, air support in waiting,' etc etc....I would SO be in my element, 'Reichsfuhrer requests that all men charge at the enemy tanks equipped with nothing but large stones.' This video then led on to the Beatles RockBand game, love the Beatles, how could I not feel tempted? HOW???

I've asked for a 360 for Christmas...May God assist in my Sony to Microsoft controller conversion learning process, may God allow me to get back into FPS games once more, may God encourage Bes to 'lend' me many of his 360 games, and finally may God make sure that Microsoft don't release the Xbox 360+ or something annoyingly similar.

In other news, OPERATION NARB IS A GO. THIS SHIT IS HAPPENING. THIS SATURDAY. This could well be my last ever blog post.

Tom,
P.S: A Chinese person commented on my blog the other day, whoever you are, I hate the Chinese, no offence, so I deleted your comment which needed translating anyway. Please accept that I will not promote free speech on my corner of the Internet.