Oh F**k.

Oh f**k noodles...... I don't really know how to say how I feel right now so you know I'll just fill up this space with some dots.......................look at them go.........................

Tom,

P.S: My previous post sounded like I was a little high, I actually wasn't, I was drunk, not high though, BIG difference.

Why my life has to be turned to a worship of the pig of happiness.

Well today was fun, I did some stuff and it was fun, therefore I am in a fun mood, wahey! What shall I do? I don't know, maybe I could eat some more hula hoops or get some cheese, maybe I could drink more cider, look at the possibilities children, look at all of them...

Well, I do wonder.

Tom,

I really hope 2012 doesn't happen, I have things to do.

I've never openly appreciated the corridor before. The corridor is a cricket blog written by Will Luke a cricket journalist who works for Cricinfo, I don't care how sad this sounds but it actually brightens up my mornings. You see I no longer have to go find his blog online, whenever he makes a post I get it in my inbox the next morning. I'm also a big fan of this particular blog because I a while ago now wrote to Will concerning cricket journalism as a career, he gave me lots of insightful advice and advised to get in touch sometime in the future, which I probably will actually...
ANYWAAAAY, his latest post in my inbox made me chuckle...
'Yeah, so Michael Jackson’s dead. Why isn’t the world talking about the big news of the day, that Nathan Hauritz - Australia’s only specialist spinner - was carted all around Hove like a rag doll in a strong breeze?'

I actually watched the Jackson story when it first broke, that being at 11:24ish pm, it made rather crazy viewing... The BBC (God bless them) were claiming he had suffered a heart attack but was ok, CNN were reporting that the poor sod was in a comma whilst Sky being Sky were just going with 'He's dead.' I've never really liked Jackson's work, but blimey!!! He's reached number 4 in the singles chart, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and 10 in the albums chart... Meanwhile the music video chart is just Jackson, Jackson and a bit more Jackson with a touch of Lady Gaga thrown in...Silly woman. The man must be up there with the likes of Presley and The Beatles.

EVERYBODY must see Valkyrie, I personally saw it the other day with Fothergill, the best war film ever made...Well maybe not, I'm still unsure over that. But it certainly is worth seeing even if you're not into history or the Nazi's, which to be fair not many people are, still worth watching. Keeping on the film front, the trailer below looks to be the MOST MENTAL FILM EVER MADE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's directed by the guy who made Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, which by the way are another two superb films, however I can't help but feel that this director just thrives of the mass exectuion of...well...everyone.


Just to confirm: yes that is the VATICAN falling over and yes that is A BLOODY AIRCRAFT CARRIER SMASHING INTO THE WHITE HOUSE.

Tom,

Is this my longest entry? - Dedicated followers will research.

I'm fed up of people or companies telling me what to do, what to think, what to eat, who to like, who to hate etc..ETC... For example, I've just noticed how littered Facebook is with advertising and look how clever they've been, using some magic piece of software they've managed to tap into my own personal interests and exploit them, 'Play cricket, coach cricket and attend cricket academies in Australia and New Zealand.' - No I don't want to, go away, that idea sounds crap, it would be far too hot and the Australians would hit me, call me a homosexual and lob fruit at me for being a pom.

I mean lets take the most recent advert I've seen, DFS are passionate about sofas and want me to be as well, I'm sorry I've tried, but I'm not feeling any passion towards my own sofa or those shown in the advertisement. How can anyone be passionate about sofas? 'Saying that we are passionate about seeing small businesses grow is an understatement.' AN understatement? How strongly must you feel before the word passionate becomes mediocre to your true feelings? Why do people just flirt with words without really consulting their definition, words are not numbers, they have meanings, they destroy people, they build people. I bet most of the staff at DFS don't actually feel that passionately about their products, I think they feel more passionately about the money they're earning, therefore a more honest line of selling would be: 'I think sofas are alright, I mean they're comfy and your house would look a bit crap without one so if I were you I'd pop along to our store and get yourself one, unless of course you already have one, in which case you might still want to turn up in case you're seduced by the colour red which is prominent on so very much of our stock, essentially though someone out there needs a sofa and we need money, lets all help each other out and get on with our miserable life's.' I may of course be completely wrong, the people at DFS might really truly love those sofas but why would they therefore be so desperate to give them to me? I mean, that's lovely, but if you feel passionately about something is it usual to want to share it with the world at a modest recession adjusted price?

I mentioned Facebook earlier, it really pissed me off. Some twat put this silly little picture of a load of cartoons up there, I was tagged the 'funny one' how very kind, lets all have a laugh...There were over 206 comments, Facebook decided to email me 206 times, I did not in the slightest appreciate that and neither did Geoffery my computer, in fact he had a fit, a fit so lavish Windows asked me when I had to do the 5 second shut down, 'Would you like to start Windows normally?' As if starting it 'normally' would be a bit daring... How else would I start Windows? With the aid of the Microsoft Office assistant or with a direct up link to the Citizens Advice Bureau? Not that I have anything against the CAB, they're great people, my Gran works for them on a Wednesday for FREE, they help for FREE, that's just super.
I do have quite a bit against the Microsoft Office assistant, that stupid smiling paper clip, it keeps on asking me 'What would you like?' So I type in, 'Some skittles, great sex and then the opportunity to meet numerous world leaders to tell them what I think' I press enter.... 'I'm sorry I don't know what you mean' replies the paper clip frowning at me, as if again that is my fault, I the pathetic master of this computer have failed to make my demands simple enough, I haven't though, I just answered his question... I have just attributed the paper clip to be a man, I'm sorry if it's a girl paper clip, that whole side of the office assistants is somewhat ambiguous.

I've ranted for quite a while haven't I? I could carry on, could go on for ages about the latest version of MSN I downloaded and how it has essentially ruined my vague hope that things will get better with MSN 14.0. They didn't, the display pictures moved to the left and instead of being 'online' I became 'available' like some MSN prostitute.

As I said, I could keep going with this rant, NOBODY is online apart from Alexis my American chum but she isn't replying to me, so she can just be blocked and join the 'HATE' group I set up. I'm really really unhappy, nobody has ever been this depressed and I'm just expressing my dissatisfaction with the world through carefully isolated rants on certain aspects of society, you don't have to read them, this is my blog, stop following it if it offends you. As I said a few posts ago though, nobody cares, apart from James that is, HI JAMES! Sorry Jambon but I don't know if I will be able to attend your birthday party, I believe I'm going away that week to stay with my dear Grandparents, will discuss this further with you though.

FINE!!!!!!! Let's be positive, for all those fucking optimists out there. I watched Valkyrie earlier and thought that was a fantastic film, ignoring Tom Cruise is a cult-head nutter the film itself was superbly made. I found a really bouncy tennis ball and I might go to Kemble Air show tomorrow...But I might not, it's not as good as RIAT and I'm starting to lose interest in military aircraft...See I'm ranting again, FUCK! Oh I have 1 pence of credit...Damn.

Why am I such an obnoxious self centered failure?

ME.

Since when did the BBC have the rights to broadcast cricket?

I ask because I very annoyingly missed last nights semi final clash of South Africa V Pakistan, I just found a nice hour long highlight package on iPlayer. I mean the actual commentary and visuals were the same as Sky's, they did just simply steal their footage but the BBC put together a nice little opening montage, it was pretty cool. Still I have nothing against live cricket coming back to terrestrial, still hold fond memories of the days of cricket on 4.

I'm undergoing something of a personal revolution (and am loving it), lots of things are going to change, I have for example just changed the colour theme on my email inbox, that is but a minor improvement on my life though, I don't know why I stuck with green for so long. I watched some price drop TV earlier and genuinely found watching that price fall in correlation with the remaining stock quite exciting, I was going to buy that mug.

Now I have to figure out how to make a meal which far exceeds my cooking abilities, should be interesting.

Tom.

HILARIOUS

It's 6 minutes but worth watching all the way through especially if you're an Apprentice fan.

Tom,

Would you like a muffin?

It's just I don't really fancy one right now, you can have it if you want. I might do a proper post tomorrow, don't know if I can be bothered, might just mow the lawn...Again.

An ANGRY, DISAPPOINTED and somewhat UNHAPPY Tom...Not that anyone cares and to think I offer you people muffins...