Here, There and Everywhere.

Fuck. Hate to use a cliché (or any word which requires an accent for that matter), but it seems like only yesterday (when love was such an easy game to play) when I gave thirty sterling to Bes, to which he presumably went and purchased, as well as for himself, a Bootleg Beatles ticket. It's tomorrow, I'm seeing my favourite band live, and don't bother commenting some rubbish about them splitting up in the 70s, I don't buy it. A select body at the UN, who manage Western media, realised in 1970 that The Beatles were so incredible, so outstandingly popular, that to keep the market alive and healthy, they had to be eliminated. Once this argument was proposed to the four of them, all but Ringo who got a bit mad, accepted it, that's the sort of nice guys they are! Then the UN had the nerve to fear a reunion and hire some Christian psycho to murder John Lennon...Christians, always murdering innocent people, *shakes fist*. Anyway, long story short, Paul and Ringo, who somehow had obtained extracts of John and George's DNA, made clones, and started The Bootleg Beatles, almost identical to The Beatles, but very slightly different, enough to fool those UN pricks.

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

I saw a film today
The English Army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
but I just had to look
Having read the book
I'd love to turn you on

You didn't run, you didn't lie
You knew I wanted just to hold you
Had you gone, you knew in time, we'd meet again
For I had told you

You want her, you need her
And yet you don't believe her when she says her love is dead
You think she needs you

If I needed someone to love
You're the one that I'd be thinking of
If I needed someone

IT'S SOME CRAZY BEATLES REMIX. If anyone's interested, in order of occurrence, the above song I have crafted in about thirty seconds, Let It Be, A Day In The Life, Got To Get You Into My Life, For No One and If I Needed Someone. I think I am actually going to make this on Audacity now...IF...IF...I could motivate myself to do so. Recently, past few days anyway, I have had an issues with motivation. Yesterday (when love was such an easy game to play) par exemple I ended up going to bed at about 7:30, just because I didn't seem to have the energy to work, write my book, even to watch House. I just wanted to sleep. Stupid brain couldn't even manage that, just decided to torture me by refusing to fade from consciousness. How I sometimes want to be my cat, just for a day, he doesn't have to worry about anything, sleeps around, eats some food, aaannnnddddd back to former. Of course, I'm being very naive, I have no idea quite what Hodge gets up to half the time. I dread to think.

Evidently though, I have enough motivation to write this nonsense across the Internet. Irritatingly, though occasionally I haven't had the energy to feel irritated, I've been accused of being more sour than usual, something I feel is unjust. Why does everyone suddenly have an issue with rudeness? Pah.

MY GOD! Do I love, LOVE, with all my tiny heart, The Thick Of It. Definitely as good as Peep Show, certainly the best political sitcom I've ever come across. Adore it on a more personal level seeing as I really want to go into the Civil Service for a while, as well as writing STUFF in my spare time of course, working in political spin, or press management, being paid to manipulate people...A dream.




Tom,
P.S: How can anyone find those clips not hilarious?
P.S.S: What the fuck is up with Transcribe Audio? That's actually supposed to aid deaf people? Cripes.
P.S.S.S: Every C of E school should have a copy of The God Delusion.
P.S.S.S.S: I'm going on a train tomorrow. A TRAIN. So going to film this.

Birmingham.

Tom,
P.S: Don't change to the updated Blogger editor, it's ridiculous.

Too much excitement can kill.

Firstly, just relax. I know I haven't posted for a very long time. I haven't died, simply haven't had much to write about of late. Now I most certainly do, tried to make myself a bath (and when I say 'make myself a bath', I'm not talking literally, that'd be absurd), and I'm not even talking metaphorically either...Jesus, what am I talking in? English? Pragmatics? God forbid pragmatics. Damn that tangent which forced me to end my sentence. Tried to make myself a bath, noticed after about five minutes there was no hot water, it was as cold as a cold thing but colder (scenes of Siberia are brought to the fold), apparently I have to turn hot water on at the boiler, which was a new and daring experience for me it must be said. I'm now sat in my boxers, having to wait half an hour for the boiler to ask Thames Water to give it the hot stuff, a perfect time for blog writing!

So what has been happening the past couple of weeks? Read more God Delusion, ha! There is blatantly no God. Iain Lee said my name twice and read my email on The Lost Initiative (SCREAMS IN A WORRYINGLY FEMININE FASHION), watched over the Government suggested guidelines on House MD intake, now fearing withdrawal symptoms as I realise I have never been so more up to date with that show. I have become a dangerous alcoholic void of any alcohol (something of a disturbing paradox), and discovered COD Modern Warfare 2....

And it is on that last point concerning what has happened in my life over the course of the last two weeks, that I will write a brief review. I do not like anything popular. There is something irrationally hard-wired into me which forces my largely semi-conscious mind to resist popularity, it took me far too long to be swayed to the 360 (see a post I made sometime before Christmas), I haven't yet seen Avatar and don't want to until everybody has just calmed the hell down about it, seriously, calling it the next Star Wars?! I do not want to have to watch a film which makes me look like Buddy Holly. If this was the 60s/70s I would detest The Beatles to unimaginable extents, now they're my lifelong favourite band, hell I'm not even going to have sex until the human race has just calmed down about that... Really, so much fuss over a pretty ugly mess which has been practised for what seems like an eternity. Reminds me of Christianity (which, coincidently, is another thing I'll embrace when we're all atheists). However, don't get me wrong, anyone who knows me won't claim I'm some sort of law defying lunatic, my resistance or rebellion if you like, is largely against cultural things...And anyway, most people despise the law. Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 is unquestioningly a popular game, it's sold something close to 12 million copies worldwide, and yet I read somewhere that Activision still won't make a profit. Bizzare. What are they spending their money on? Some sort of DJ version of the award winning Guitar Hero series? How ridiculous would that be?
I would also like to make it clear, I don't own this game, I am borrowing it, my commitment to returning it is somewhat vague, but I haven't actually gone and spent my precious sterling on a copy. Enough excuses. I cannot deny it is amazing. The graphics are just stupendous for a FPS game, the annoying Americans chattering away to you constantly are just so annoyingly annoying, I love it. Of course, it has flaws, I'm a bit miffed about the whole 'Friendly fire will not be tolerated' thing they've got going, and the level where you machine gun a Russian airport and all the innocent people just seems a touch pointless. I do though, understand what all the shouting is about, it is a good game, one I am ashamed to admit I am enthralled by.

Now to return to what's been happening the last two weeks and to find a suitable tangent, I discovered my brother is a 'Needs to be institutionalised psychopath', and that despite the fact there is nobody on this Earth I trust to a 100% degree extent, I have discovered many who are attributed to a percent near enough that mark, are largely over ranked, I am now a tiny bit more determined to get a job, am starting to doubt my ability to finish writing a novel without getting horribly distracted by a pigeon midway through a much sought after writing spree, and FINE-ALLY my loyal disciples...I'm as miserable as ever.

Tom,

P.S: Next post I intend to be an interesting-for-only-me post entitled: 'My top 10 favourite House episodes.'
P.S.S: Happy people need to be deported to a sad place.
P.S.S.S: 14 LOYAL DISCIPLES - HA JESUS!
P.S.S.S.S: No tangent was found. TIME TO CLEANSE ONESELF.

I should be much more excited about this...

Well, isn't it nice to see how the characters seem to have progressed? I am excited...Slightly, I really don't get it, look at my posts a year ago, and note how mental about season 5 I appear to be, this is the FINAL EVER SEASON and I wouldn't really be that devastated if I missed it. I fear my House MD obsession has put shame to Lost. Of course I am going to watch it, I've trawled through 5 seasons just to find out what the fuck is that smoke monster, and I will learn the truth...Or I swear to the Island that I will burn ABC headquarters to the ground.
Seriously though, and I know I'm purely going from the trailer, but how many times has Sawyer said in that musky, oh so manly voice of his 'Don't come after me...' Probably to someone like Kate, or Julliet, but I'm pretty sure a nuke got her. How many times has Jack demanded to know 'Why my name is written down on this!!?!' donning that frenzied 'I AM SO GOING TO KICK OFF' expression. How many times has Locke said something simmilar to 'What if I told you I could answer the most important question in your life? Why are you on this island?' Or announced so Moses like that 'I promise I will tell you everything,' then again, Locke's dead, that's Jacob's nemesis in Locke's body...Talking to Richard Alpert...And if Crazy Rich doesn't know the answers, then Hurley help us. How many time has Kate exclaimed in that accusatory tone, 'You think they care about you or any of us?' To which Jin replies (how the fuck did he learn English so quick?) in that timeless rhetoric 'Who do you care about?' And finally how many times has Jack hit important stuff which explodes? That is the temple at 0:26 right? Tell me that's the temple? And how many Sayid 'because you tortured someone, we've got to torture you back bitch!' scenes can the writers produce?

Evidently, a lot still needs to be answered, which is why I am watching this, for answers, I look to be entertained no more.

Tom,

P.S: Isn't Africa huge???
P.S.S: That better not be Jacob at 0:48, Ben knifed him and kicked him in a fire! That was Ben's moment of redemption, his one action of true defiance, don't you dare resurrect yourself Jacob...
P.S.S.S: Poor John Locke still hasn't got that breast problem sorted out.

Difficult times.

Tom.

Love really is BLIND. You're all ignorant.

It's likely that my title has offended you. My least sincere apologies. I have the rather disturbing image of a mob of love fuelled, adolescent Emos surrounding my fortress, chanting such whimsical things like: 'Love is the purest form of emotion!' Or 'Just because you're not in love!' As if that's a counter argument. I like making Google Chrome tabs fight each other for space. See what I did there? Defied all grammatical laws, just went off on a completely unrelated point, no new paragraph, nothing! I'm so rebellious it's insane. Now back to the dominant theme of this first paragraph, can't really call it an introduction, I've just dived (if you'll excuse the much overused metaphor) straight in. Alas, I fear another tangent. Love, yes, I don't get the hype surrounding that word, as if it's some portal to redemption, to enlightenment, to fulfilment...I'm sure for some it is, they're only ignorant though. However, nothing is as naive as the opening lyrics of the song below... It's to clips of The Beatles, I don't really get it either.

'I love love, I love being in love, I don't care what it does to me' - How deluded can you get? What has this 'songwriter' been smoking? 'I don't care what it does to me'? Well, fucking-lucky-you, people have died over this emotion, just like how countless millions die over the so badly ridiculed 'hate'.

Before you all label me as a sour, uncaring, selfish bastard (though, why haven't you already done that? Silly you), I'll explain. People in love are obsessive, to varying degrees of course, the likes of which I could write several posts on, they become wrapped up in the object of their affection (occasionally literally). What, of course, people don't realise is that it isn't a case of:
1. They make me giggle, I love them.
2. They look pretty, I love them.
It's more:
1. They look pretty, make me laugh, and have numerous other nice traits, but ultimately, despite the fact most of us are blind to it, it's just a biological thing hard-wired into us, to mate. To survive. To preserve our species.

We attach words like 'love' to this Darwinian explanation, to make us seem more human, more evolved, that we're experiencing something above what the average animal feels. False. Society simply teaches us these nice adjectives, to flirt with, attach without thought. We see someone good looking, we want to be with them, we see an ugly person, we don't, the beautiful survive.

I do not want to become attached to someone. Firstly, it would destroy my theory explained in the above paragraphs, I would 'fall in love', suddenly Matilda would be all that matters, I would doodle her name over the back of my books, blush awkwardly whenever she smiled at me, I would forget that I need to be with her so THE HUMAN RACE COULD LIVE ON. I would just want to be with her for reasons I don't yet understand, I don't want to understand, and I hope I never will.

Tom - Who should be learning about the Parisians of 1788-94.

P.S: House MD is better than Lost.
P.S.S: I will undoubtedly withdraw the above statement when Lost returns.
P.S.S.S: FEAR THE BLUE TACK MAN.
P.S.S.S.S: Inspired by David Mitchell, I'm fed up reading nasty, hateful comments on videos, blogs, forums, anything, from now on, if you have something spiteful to say, just type this instead: It just goes to show you can't be too careful!

Boredom is a burden, a curse, an excuse to plague the Internet with things like the below.

Tom,
P.S: As a general rule, to anyone who may be unfortunate enough to read this, if you can't cope with numerous conversations on MSN. Block contacts.
P.S.S: Xs are overrated.
P.S.S.S: I downloaded Google Chrome, which is wonderful by the way, even though Google are blatantly taking over the world, Chrome is so shiny and beautiful, it's almost Mac like. I forgot to make it my default browser though, someone sends me a link, it opens in Firefox...Firefox was not best pleased with me, decided to open up a series of blank tabs for no reason, freeze up and yell at me: 'Oops, we've encountered a problem.' Get over it Firefox, I've moved on, why can't you?
P.S.S.S.S: See how many P.Ss I'm using? Written posts are the way forward.
P.S.S.S.S.S: Bored? Play the fun games below.